I know the feeling all too well. It really sucks. You did the right thing by finding others to talk to. I love this site for that reason, because there is always somebody around to listen. I am doing some work and watching tv on this saturday night.

Thank you for answering so quickly. I could spit nails right now but held off because I know I would only hurt more not him. But if I am allowed to say off the record and you not be offended please...:he's an asshole. Okay I feel better.

That's awesome of you! I am cleaning house and watching my favorite football team lose miserably. After being sick in bed for 2 weeks, my house is a wreck! Feels good when things are nice and clean. So other than spitting nails, what are you up to?

Well ... did some laundry and cleaned house. Getting ready to have some late dinner and a glass of wine. And watch Detroit vs Seattle

Sorry you're not feeling well!

I for one would not text or call my ex, we communicate
thru The mail and checks only. We surface get along with
No contact.

I have been thinking, we should get some boxing gloves
and Have a go at each other just to get it over with. I
Have not had the pleasure of seeing him in 18 months.

I keep healing and i think its really best to not have
any contact if possible.

Last night i attended his cousins wake, he was not
There, his two brothers and his parents. I got emotional
On one brother that has been very kind. I visited with all
the Outer family. I lived there for 30 years and was part of
them and the community. Most of the inner family is not
Real nice to me now.

I regret bursting out in tears and hugging his brother,
I am not sure what i will do when i see my ex. I hope
I Act mature and grownup and numb. My F&E, rage
And anger are very close to the surface.

Today i texted my XBIL sorry for my emotional outburst,
This cousin i was close to and real good friends with
Her sister. She was only 49 and i went to the wake.

Thanks for letting me blow it out, i was on a high and
Finding so much joy last week. I feel like i am on emotional
Overload now. I hate this ROLERCOASTER, i want off. HUGS

Well I certainly don't want to have a go at you guys but maybe a poster of his face on something would do ;)

In divorce care they told us to use colored
Water in a bottle and beat the heck out of
a rock or something. HUGS

Lol love it!

Maybe i should figure something out, i
Probably just need to see him and get
It over with. I have missed so many things
Because i dont want to see him. I only go
Back to where i lived once a month and
Don't really hang out there.

Don't think seeing him would help but that's probably just me and it's probably too soon

And then you might hear about a death on the news (not me) and then I am would be banned from here. :/

I know thats how i feel too especially if he
Was with his GF. I pray i can act mature if
I happen to run into him. Did not know if
He would be there last night, i went near
The end and was willing to get out quick.

Well good thing he wasn't and you didn't have to deal with that

The anger with no outlet is not good. My mom gave me a "dammit doll" for christmas. It's this little stuffed "doll" that I can beat on a hard surface repeatedly and scream dammit. It works wonders!