We are all in your same boat as we want so much for that person to love us again. Keep in mind you are not alone as there are many of us going through this journey. We need to stick together and remain strong

I was right there with you. I felt the exact same way in late spring, early summer. I felt like I was addicted to my ex as well and he was like a drug to me. This is all a process. You need to feel the feelings you have to move through the process. Are there people you can talk to? Do you see a therapist? A long time ago, after a difficult break up with a college boyfriend I used to write in a journal. I've started doing that again recently. Somehow, the mere act of putting pen to paper and letting the thoughts and feelings empty out on to the page is somewhat cathartic. You can write whatever you want without thinking you're a fool or pretending everything is all right, or being in fear of saying something stupid to someone. There comes moments during this process where you reach new understandings. But bottom line, I do understand completely what you are saying.

I have found that i was the same way. But I had to ask myself why? It came down to I was the fixer the caretaker tried to make everything smooth. I was co-dependent on him needing approval.

I too was devastated and asked myself why. I was lost and alone. I didnt' realize just how alone I was and for how long.. Did I cause it? no, but realize this and realize your own indiviuality and how great you are. Take pride in you. You know what he was really like and I bet dollars to donuts (deep down) he wasn't all that great.

i think he isolated me to control me and then dropped me. I was used for many, many reasons.

Be true to yourself,

I have been in my own place for 2 months today. I am lonelybut I'm finding myself and I'm trying to get out there. No easy at my age (nah, that's a cop out at any age) Just be you and Screw the rest cause if you don't they will screw you.

This is very new to you. I hate to remember how long I was simply on automatic pilot. You are doing well if you are taking care of the basic needs for you and your children. There are huge patches of time that are lost to me forever because of the fog I was in. It's just something we seem to have to go through. Just taking the next breath or step is an effort. After well over two years and no contact, I have many more good times than bad and I'm realizing that what I grieved over was not what was, but the way I wanted it to be.

I learned yesterday that he has a new girl friend. She was three years old when we got married. I could actually chuckle.

For me it ultimately came down to me no really liking myself and if she liked me then that meant I was ok. When she finally left my worth was zero. So she became my "drug" I needed to feel better about myself

Will not work. Got to get it for yourself. Learn to love yourself first before you can really love another. That is the foundation. When you love yourself you realize it was them and not about you at all.

Good Luck and GodSpeed.

I understand the toxicity of that 'drug'...you end up chasing that drug and even when you don't have contact with them....you chase it via 3rd party members....anyone that may know that person so that they can give you updates....TOXIC! This is why you need to dedicate yourself to the steps of healing...supplement with counseling if you need it. The trend stops when you decide.

If all you want to do is go to bed and cry..then do it...forget about trying to act normal...it aint gonna happen..
but understand it will probably take a while for the pain to go away...talk to as many people as you can that will listen and be a support....keep the no contact..it helps..and i dont think he is the person you should go to for telling you everything is gonna be ok...cause he has someone else now...
but we can tell you everything is gonna be ok..cause it will be..in time..once all the grieving and stuff has gone..
mate i am hurting for you...this sucks....and its not how things are meant to go...but take heart....your gonna be ok :)

thankyou so much for all of your replies,i know how i feel is something we all have to go through and i know i will feel better one day.but i ask myself why after 21 years together he can act like i never existed,but then that tells me i deserve better and someone who will love me honestly without all this hurt.

HE is right. You do deserve more. He is just trying to sound 'caring' but he is done. I AM SO VERY SORRY for your pain. So sorry...the anguish and the fear....a bad combo and after 20 years....I AM SIMPLY SORRY...but, you get rebuild. You will get there and see the sun again. Please consider counseling. I'm so very sorry....I feel your pain.

It gets easier when we seek God instead of people and things.

I will pray for you.

I should have said "...before people and things" because God will work through these.

That's what makes them blessings :)

The drug metaphor is right on. The relationship becomes one sided and you get to the stage that you just need him/her around at any cost. The physical presence is your fix. What a crappy way to live. I'm finally pissed off at my MLC suffering, serial adultress and believe, no contact is the way to go. We're selling the house and we have a teenager but we communicated by email or texts only. My goal (although given the kids its not attainable) is to never see or speak to her ever again. This seems to be working. Slowly, the pain gets less. Now if I could just stop thinking about it all the time.....

i try not to think about him or have contact,when the kids are home im ok but when im alone all i want to do is call him.he text our daughter tonight but he still hasnt contacted our son.at least hes thinking of one of us.

Hi Nix. Hope your doing better today. I reread some of this posts and what I see is you are concentrating on HIM NOT YOU... where are you in this? Don't worry about him..Get selfish and worry about you. I think this has be told to you get a lawyer. Cause he has turned a new page. Is this mean no. He has responsiblities even though he has left them. Courts are very slow and take time start now write and write some more. Get call display change your # your e-mail accounts bank accounts absoultely everything. Take stock Girl.

No contact gets easier as time goes on... you actually feel less of a need to talk to them often, like you used to. Once in awhile, something will happen that you wish you could talk to them about, but it is not that need to communicate feeling so much. Give yourself some time. It takes awhile.