Hugs. Has she talk councilor or a Dr. She could be depressed. Depression does that. She needs to learn to be her own best friend. It takes a long time to heal especially from an abusive marriage. You are too young to be shouldering this. It is kind of you that you want to help but she needs to help herself. She is stronger than she realizes. You will not believe it now, but your mother will flourish and be happy. It is a hard road to travel on but she can do it. Are you seeing a therapist. You need to look after yourself too. I know how I felt when I had to tell my parents that I was getting divorced. It was hard. But I had to do it. They never blamed me. As for those churches that do not understand, stay away from them. My church was accepting. I am a Catholic and the priest said "they did not honour their vows and we tried so hard, we do not have anything to be ashamed of. God wants all his children to be happy".

if she has not seeked professional help, help her to see it will help.
There are issues that you are not suited to handle, she needs someone in therapy.
Being there for her and asking how she is, and asking questions to allow her to talk it out will help her.
You can not fix her, and any forcing it will seem hurtful to her.
Continue to love her, and tell her so daily.
Pray for her and and listen to her.
I pray that she is safe and healthy.

Hello acarolan,

I really admire your attitude to your mother's needs! I peeked your profile and you've joined all the right community groups for support. I'm very sorry that your mother has experienced such selfish treatment by your dad, and then the awful judgments from the church are unacceptable, to say the least.

Now, I do agree with the above posters that seeking professional services for your mom is a great helper. But the question is to how your other siblings support this idea? Fact is, I'm sort of believing that this is mostly a family matter and a focused, well-trained therapist will often request to visit with immediate family members who are aware of these life experiences, and since these types of complaints have heavily influenced the opinions of so many growing up in the household, added feedback from each of you will help a therapist to come up with useful treatment ideas and goals to set of which will get your mom back to a normal self (hopefully!).

In the meantime, I'd encourage her to outreach for the community services available in your home area, those support networks of like interest too. There are many church groups that involve interaction with other women dealing with the same hurtful issues, even visiting a local women's shelter for volunteer opportunities will at least get her in the frame of mind of the worst of circumstances abused women deal with every day, and it helps to know that she is not alone. And I don't imagine it will be easy to convince her to form social relationships. However, meeting with others who've experienced the same as she will give her healthy ideas to think over. (this situation requires new learning and a rebalancing of what she already knows about marriage failure). I hope for her the best!

At least to a degree, you can search online for more suggestions, tips, and ideas primarily on altering the state of her stressful emotional challenges. I really feel for her - this all seems so unfair. She is so blessed to have you, acarolan.

Stay safe. You are doing very well to help your mom.

I was in a very similar position as your mom a few years ago, with my alcoholic ex remarrying, and feeling like he was being rewarded after all his bad behaviors, while no good deed of mine went unpunished. I had to cut off several mutual friends because they kept on bringing up the topic of him, or they said weird things to my kids at his wedding. I also became so stressed out around that time that I became very sick. Stress wreaks havoc on the immune system. What helped me was getting even busier with singles groups that I had joined. Doing things in a group may not be possible during this pandemic., however, Another thing I still find very empowering is keeping track of my net worth and updating it every 2-3 months. Looking at how my money is growing without the ex-husband draining the accounts for new toys for himself. I think goals and future plans are key. What are your mom's interests, outside of being a wife and mother? Maybe ask about her interests and encourage her to learn something new. Is your mom interested in downsizing her home or moving to a new town (assuming your dad and all the mutual acquaintances are still in the same town)? Does she like pets, but never had time for one? Maybe sit and talk to her about what her plans are, just listen and show your support.

Difficult situation. I was 4 when my parents divorced. Over the years, I saw my dad get remarried to one woman and they are still married. I saw my mother marry and divorce and then have a bunch of boyfriends, and it has been so very hard on her over the years. I wish her all the best, but I hope she has finally found a nice man this time.