Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
OK...I need some opinions and I know everyone out here is good for that!! LMAO!!
Here's my situation...2 1/2 years ago I (against my better judgment) buy my then wife a horse. It's a great buy, a registered quater horse with incredible bloodlines for only $300. This launches us into the debate over do we board or should we buy our own place and board other peoples horses and make some money. We opt for the second and she says she's gonna run the facility. Well, I (as I did so many times during our relationship) put my credit on the line and am able to qualify for a loan on an 18 acre horse ranch in central Florida just north of Tampa. We start to work on the place and work and work and then work some more, she kept coming up with reasons why she couldn't do it yet...long story short, she never did follow through, and now we're divorced, I've helped her raise her three kids from a previous marriage into pretty responsible people (20, 18 & 16)over the last 8 years. Now over the past 6 months she has started going out, first one night a week and two then she started staying over at friends houses so she could avoid the long drive. Now yeah we're officially divorced as of several weeks ago, but we still need to live together due to financial considerations, except that she lost her job the Friday before our divorce was final. I'ma pretty nice guy (too nice for my own good sometimes) and while she did find a job and should start this coming week, she has still been spending money this whole time, buying shirts at Tractor Supply and then driving the 60 miles to go to Tampa to party for days at a time leaving me to take care of her 2 kids (the 20 year old moved out in Jan) and deal with the household stuff. She leaves on Thursday night and comes back on Sunday afternoon. She is spending money that she's not making and we have had to borrow from my mom because I had to find a new job last year after being laid off !! So I take care of her kids (which I do love, she is off having fun and ignoring her responsibilities, I'm working 14 hours a freaking day to make a bunch of money which is already spent on a house I don't want to keep the house long enough for it to sell so she has the cash to start again.....
OK...all of that to say this....
I am currently 30 days late on the mortgage, very possibly (the way she's been spending lately) I won't have enough to keep it at 30 and may go 60 days late by the end of next week. I owe on two loans on the house and I know it's worth at least $100,000 more than I am currently listing it for. I'm sure I could negotiate a deed in lieu of foreclosure between the two parties, but It would make it easier for me to move and press on if I have the cash from the sale, but I do make enough money to not NEED it...She on the other hand will be royally screwed if she doesn't have the money to move. I feel like right now I am spending thousands a month to postpone the inevidable...so why waste the money, why not cash it, hold it and move when I need to...I know I can file motions for hardship if they try to foreclose due to divorce, job loss, etc...that could give me an additional 4-6 months of living here...I guess it comes down to ethics...
what do I do?????
Here's my situation...2 1/2 years ago I (against my better judgment) buy my then wife a horse. It's a great buy, a registered quater horse with incredible bloodlines for only $300. This launches us into the debate over do we board or should we buy our own place and board other peoples horses and make some money. We opt for the second and she says she's gonna run the facility. Well, I (as I did so many times during our relationship) put my credit on the line and am able to qualify for a loan on an 18 acre horse ranch in central Florida just north of Tampa. We start to work on the place and work and work and then work some more, she kept coming up with reasons why she couldn't do it yet...long story short, she never did follow through, and now we're divorced, I've helped her raise her three kids from a previous marriage into pretty responsible people (20, 18 & 16)over the last 8 years. Now over the past 6 months she has started going out, first one night a week and two then she started staying over at friends houses so she could avoid the long drive. Now yeah we're officially divorced as of several weeks ago, but we still need to live together due to financial considerations, except that she lost her job the Friday before our divorce was final. I'ma pretty nice guy (too nice for my own good sometimes) and while she did find a job and should start this coming week, she has still been spending money this whole time, buying shirts at Tractor Supply and then driving the 60 miles to go to Tampa to party for days at a time leaving me to take care of her 2 kids (the 20 year old moved out in Jan) and deal with the household stuff. She leaves on Thursday night and comes back on Sunday afternoon. She is spending money that she's not making and we have had to borrow from my mom because I had to find a new job last year after being laid off !! So I take care of her kids (which I do love, she is off having fun and ignoring her responsibilities, I'm working 14 hours a freaking day to make a bunch of money which is already spent on a house I don't want to keep the house long enough for it to sell so she has the cash to start again.....
OK...all of that to say this....
I am currently 30 days late on the mortgage, very possibly (the way she's been spending lately) I won't have enough to keep it at 30 and may go 60 days late by the end of next week. I owe on two loans on the house and I know it's worth at least $100,000 more than I am currently listing it for. I'm sure I could negotiate a deed in lieu of foreclosure between the two parties, but It would make it easier for me to move and press on if I have the cash from the sale, but I do make enough money to not NEED it...She on the other hand will be royally screwed if she doesn't have the money to move. I feel like right now I am spending thousands a month to postpone the inevidable...so why waste the money, why not cash it, hold it and move when I need to...I know I can file motions for hardship if they try to foreclose due to divorce, job loss, etc...that could give me an additional 4-6 months of living here...I guess it comes down to ethics...
what do I do?????
So, the real estate attorney suggested a short sale, since that way I wouldn't have to live with a foreclosure on my credit for the rest of my life. especially due to the fact I can pay my bills, and he can't, or should I say won't?
not sure I am of any help...
You have to give yourself the right to move on and do what's best for you, rather than be bullied into losing yourself by her tears and whines over things she did to herself.
Have you spoken with the lenders about modifying your loan to interest only for 6 months while you continue to try and sell your property? I know the real estate market in Florida is awful and even worse for a property such as yours with land too.
You are in the bus...and know what a F/C does to your credit and I'm sure that is the last thing you need or want. If it comes down to F/C, I would opt for a Deed in Lieu if the lenders are agreeable to that. I do understand the theory of throwing good money after bad, but only you can make that decision I am sorry to say.
Wishing you all the best!
Fly man, fly! Get out of there. Time for her to face reality on her own.