Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I will try and make this short but I don't see it! I have been married for 18 years (we really go back to our teenage years, it has always been him), he told be April 2014 he was not "in love with me" and filed for divorce in Aug 2014, I do admit I did do some financial things wrong, but he did not know that when he told me he wanted out, he found out those about 4 mos later, now that is his reason, he did not have one before
Since then he has been in the same house (so hard to watch him come and go as he pleases) and slept in the same bed even, until the end of May when I accused him of finally being with someone else, two days later he moved upstairs and now does not come home until I am in bed during the week (guilt ?) and MOST Fri and Sat nights does not come home at all.....his is a drinker, granted I would not want him driving but he has taken a cab many times, I just feel like if you won't go and want to be in the same house whether you are "in love with me" or not it is a respect thing, how does that look to soon to be 16 yo twin boys
He has done 180 degree turn, he is NOT who he used to be, example, anal about the yard, if there was a weed in it OH NO, he cared about things in our home, repairs etc, his granddaughters were the love of his life, we just found out we have a grandson on the way now, and sad that I do not think he is sharing that with his bar friends or newfound friends that he will be a gpa again, I think he feels young again, or wants to be and forbid he is gpa and is going to be again...so sad
I feel horrible for our sons to have to see him acting this way, not a very good example in my opinion but he did tell me months ago he cared about himself now
We go to final trial the end of August, he knows that my main concern is keeping the boys in their home until they graduate HS, it isn't like I am asking for 10 yrs or anything, its THREE,( he is adamant we won't) I certainly hope if this ends up in trial (which there really is no reason it should have even got this far) that a judge would agree to keep them in their home, I would give up almost everything for that to occur, I just think that what they have been through already, that be a tough blow
Since then he has been in the same house (so hard to watch him come and go as he pleases) and slept in the same bed even, until the end of May when I accused him of finally being with someone else, two days later he moved upstairs and now does not come home until I am in bed during the week (guilt ?) and MOST Fri and Sat nights does not come home at all.....his is a drinker, granted I would not want him driving but he has taken a cab many times, I just feel like if you won't go and want to be in the same house whether you are "in love with me" or not it is a respect thing, how does that look to soon to be 16 yo twin boys
He has done 180 degree turn, he is NOT who he used to be, example, anal about the yard, if there was a weed in it OH NO, he cared about things in our home, repairs etc, his granddaughters were the love of his life, we just found out we have a grandson on the way now, and sad that I do not think he is sharing that with his bar friends or newfound friends that he will be a gpa again, I think he feels young again, or wants to be and forbid he is gpa and is going to be again...so sad
I feel horrible for our sons to have to see him acting this way, not a very good example in my opinion but he did tell me months ago he cared about himself now
We go to final trial the end of August, he knows that my main concern is keeping the boys in their home until they graduate HS, it isn't like I am asking for 10 yrs or anything, its THREE,( he is adamant we won't) I certainly hope if this ends up in trial (which there really is no reason it should have even got this far) that a judge would agree to keep them in their home, I would give up almost everything for that to occur, I just think that what they have been through already, that be a tough blow
My story is similar in many ways. Highschool sweethearts, together 27 years, married 14, with 2 kids when he told me last June it was over.
In my case, he had had an affair. She was the love of his life - he said. Perhaps. But for years he had disconnected from me and the family. He had anxiety issues and had fallen into a depression and I didn't notice how bad it was. When I did mention depression, he was furious - I actually think that hastened the affair. But now, after. A year of hell, he is in counselling. He sees how many mental health issues. He was struggling with and he is getting help. We won't get back together, too much said and done. But I'm glad he is getting healthy, good for out girls.
I am telling you this because your comment about not caring about the things he used to struck a cord with me. Maybe he is facing some inner demons. Problem is you can't do much with that if he isn't willing to face it. But, knowing helped me deal with my negtive thoughts - my guilt for not making the marriage work. I couldn't. He'd needed to be there too and he was not.
I am rambling now. I am sorry you are. Going through this. You sound very strong and you have a clear view on what is important - your boys. That will get you through.
So aside from everything else, NOW I have to try and deal with that, I do agree he may have things going on deep inside and I have no control over any of that, he is just not him an any way
However did you get past that part...I'm struggling and want to accuse him everyday, I know it does no good but makes me feel better to say what's on my mind
I kind of hoped you, for you, that you hadn't gotten to that stage yet. I'm sorry that you are there now.
I don't know if I would ever have gotten past it. But, it would have taken a lot of openness, comittment and courage on his side. But, with his anxiety and depression issues, he couldn't face it. Since I refuse to be begging a man who doesn't want to put me first, we are done.
But, I do believe if we had dealt with his issues earlier, we won't be in this mess now.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is know what it is you want, be clear, and let the other stuff go. Hopefully you are getting to a point of closure...