Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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HELP

marieds
marieds

Hey all-So, we separated in February and I moved out of the house.  He filed in March even though he didn't want the divorce and the divorce was final in October.  Since the beginning we've followed a schedule of two days on/two days off and every other weekend.  In the beginning there were a lot of issues with my oldest and youngest.  Then they seemed to be doing well.  Now, it's all back to issues again.  My oldest didn't come to my house to stay for a few weeks and it was hard.  Now my youngest is starting.  My ex is more of a best friend to the kids.  My youngest is my daughter and she has a tremendous bond with her father, sometimes wayyyy over the top.  My oldest is 15 and a freshman.  My middle son is 13 and autistic and has been handling the transition the best.  The kids won't go to counseling or talk to anyone.  My ex won't support sending them to counseling.  We have opted out of FOC and have 182.5 overnights per year as declared on our final judgement.  I don't know what to do.  The kids are obviously blaming me.  They are very angry, which is understandable.  They never really saw us fight and don't know the issues we've had in our marriage.  I have kept it all from them.  My daughter won't hug me and hardly tells me she loves me.  They dont' really keep in contact with me when they are at his house (their home from birth) and always have contact with him.  I feel like I'm the villain and he, along with the kids are the victims.  I just don't know what to do to make this better for the kids...I'm lost.  I'm sad, I think severely depressed and just need some insight.  My ex is a master manipulator with me and I fear also with the kids and he will do whatever they want.  I just really need direction here. 

SBC1238
SBC1238
You haven't done anything wrong so don't blame yourself. If going to dad's house is fun and he let's them do what they want (not saying he does just guessing) , then it's only natural they enjoy it there and it's just a phase. Can you have a chat with him, talk it out and maybe set the same rules for both places? Let him know that when it is your days he needs to support that.
marieds
marieds
The kids bring zero to my place. I bought all the Christmas gifts even though he paid for half and they kept them all out there, even the ones from my side of the family. They have so many toys and things that they will have more than enough if they would bring them. They don't even keep clothes at my house! We have to haul suitcases every exchange. My middle son brings his toys and stuff. He is the most well adjusted. I'm at a severe disadvantage not living in their home. I'm sure the ex is feeling great that I'm just miserable because according to him "this is the life I chose." He's angry with me. Had a blow up in front of the kids weeks ago and he told me to just kill myself in front of the kids and they didn't even react. Not one reaction. He screamed at me for yelling at my daughter and demanding respect from her and telling her that I'm not her friend I'm her parent and she needs to treat me with respect. Told me to get the F out of HIS house. It was horrible. Now he's mad at me because the kids aren't happy. Just feels like the decision I made to try to be happy has now made me the most miserable I've ever been in my life.
SBC1238
SBC1238
Sorry you are going through that! He's just pissed off period and is miserable. There will come a time when you both heal and start dating other people, not to mention other adjustments. Time does heal, and there will be a time when he needs your help just like you need his when it comes to the kids. Hang in there.
justaguest
justaguest
Counseling! For yourself and your children for sure. I don't know how you make that happen. But it sounds like it is very much needed.
I don't know what state you're in or specific laws for your state or how old the youngest is. But it sounds like if you don't get your 182.5 days then your ex is in contempt of court orders. I don't know your financial situation either but it sounds like you need to return to court or at least speak to an attorney.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
Exes have a way of sometimes turning the kids against the other parent. My wife did the same to me. We were married 10 yrs. and after the divorce, I paid child support for 14 yrs. I never ran their mother down or said anything derogatory about her to them. She was very vindictive towards me and was until her death in 2014. I never heard her ever say the words "I'm sorry" so, I understand how you feel.
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