Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I came into this situation (of having a wounded heart) because I
was unlucky enough to have fallen in love with someone who was personality disordered. Schizoid Personality Disorder to be preciset. Trouble is, the bastard never told me of his condition (but then, how many PD do you know who self-disclosed?). It was not when we holidayed overseas that his symptoms became obvious to me. Between collateral information from his sister and my observations of him, I came to the conclusion that he is Schizoid.
Now for those of you who are not familiar with this Mental Health issue, a relationship with a Schizoid is not for the faint hearted. Basically it is up to YOU to make the relationship work. He won't attend family gatherings, sleeps during the day, loses his temper easily (although he was not physically violent). Basically you can not planned on including him for x-mas dinner but include him anyway with the anticipation that there is a 50% chance that he might be there. And oh, they are usually susceptible to depression. Add to that a PTSD (from being in the Military) and unresolved grief and anger from his mother's death, makes an unpleasant cocktail. I did not find out all these until about 3-4 years into the relationship. If I had known, I would never have touched him with a 10 foot pole!
So why am I hurting? because while we lived apart he was the most thoughtful, generous, funny, decent (or so I though) man I have ever met. Then he decided to move overseas. And basically that was the beginning of our end.
His email became rarer, it was up to me to call him due to his location, but I had to ask permission to make sure he was not busy or sleeping (he once snarled at me for texting him while he slept. I left it to him to text me thereafter, which of course now became non-existent).
By the way, Schizoids are dreamers. He even got my brother roped in with his fantasy, and of course myself.
Well, he was not happy with his chosen retirement destination. However, he's burned his bridges (having sold his house prior to leaving the US), and according to his sister, he would be too embarrassed to return to their town because in the last 5 years, all he has told everyone wast this "retirement paradise" that will see his last remaining days on the planet. Now, he is finding it that the retirement paradise is not what he expected it to be.
I have not spoken to him in 15 days. When I was with him 2 months ago, he was so unhappy and admitted he'd regretted moving there. I told him that he will never be happy anywhere because of his SPD.
I don't know what is happening to him now. I am trying not to care. He has several physical illnesses, the more worrying one was a 30% blockage in his heart. But he won't even get that checked. I think he did not liked me nagging him to see a cardio Doc. This particular Schizoid don't care about life or death and dying really. He has a blase attitude that if he dies, he dies, without even trying to fight for life. And yet, there had been times that he had expressed fear of dying. Maybe now that he found his paradise to be not a paradise after all, he does not really care if he lived or die.
So here I am, nursing a wounded heart. I refused to call it broken because I don't think it is. Just wounded and would eventually heal.
I feel I get better day to day, but nostalgia is a difficult monster to beat.
was unlucky enough to have fallen in love with someone who was personality disordered. Schizoid Personality Disorder to be preciset. Trouble is, the bastard never told me of his condition (but then, how many PD do you know who self-disclosed?). It was not when we holidayed overseas that his symptoms became obvious to me. Between collateral information from his sister and my observations of him, I came to the conclusion that he is Schizoid.
Now for those of you who are not familiar with this Mental Health issue, a relationship with a Schizoid is not for the faint hearted. Basically it is up to YOU to make the relationship work. He won't attend family gatherings, sleeps during the day, loses his temper easily (although he was not physically violent). Basically you can not planned on including him for x-mas dinner but include him anyway with the anticipation that there is a 50% chance that he might be there. And oh, they are usually susceptible to depression. Add to that a PTSD (from being in the Military) and unresolved grief and anger from his mother's death, makes an unpleasant cocktail. I did not find out all these until about 3-4 years into the relationship. If I had known, I would never have touched him with a 10 foot pole!
So why am I hurting? because while we lived apart he was the most thoughtful, generous, funny, decent (or so I though) man I have ever met. Then he decided to move overseas. And basically that was the beginning of our end.
His email became rarer, it was up to me to call him due to his location, but I had to ask permission to make sure he was not busy or sleeping (he once snarled at me for texting him while he slept. I left it to him to text me thereafter, which of course now became non-existent).
By the way, Schizoids are dreamers. He even got my brother roped in with his fantasy, and of course myself.
Well, he was not happy with his chosen retirement destination. However, he's burned his bridges (having sold his house prior to leaving the US), and according to his sister, he would be too embarrassed to return to their town because in the last 5 years, all he has told everyone wast this "retirement paradise" that will see his last remaining days on the planet. Now, he is finding it that the retirement paradise is not what he expected it to be.
I have not spoken to him in 15 days. When I was with him 2 months ago, he was so unhappy and admitted he'd regretted moving there. I told him that he will never be happy anywhere because of his SPD.
I don't know what is happening to him now. I am trying not to care. He has several physical illnesses, the more worrying one was a 30% blockage in his heart. But he won't even get that checked. I think he did not liked me nagging him to see a cardio Doc. This particular Schizoid don't care about life or death and dying really. He has a blase attitude that if he dies, he dies, without even trying to fight for life. And yet, there had been times that he had expressed fear of dying. Maybe now that he found his paradise to be not a paradise after all, he does not really care if he lived or die.
So here I am, nursing a wounded heart. I refused to call it broken because I don't think it is. Just wounded and would eventually heal.
I feel I get better day to day, but nostalgia is a difficult monster to beat.
So you diagnosed him? Or he has been formally diagnosed by a health care professional?
I feel like my ex husband has the symptoms of bipolar disorder - and I also think he is a bit of a narcissist - but he has not been formally diagnosed with these issues - at least not the last time I talked to him (3 years ago). I am a nurse now, and feel like I know the symptoms even better because of that and because I have several friends who have bipolar in some form or another - but I still hesitate to diagnose him.
My ex-husband had other physical issues too - not sure if these ever got checked out or not - but they were actual diagnoses that the doctor gave him. I had to let it go - its his health - and especially now that I am out of the picture completely and not even an afterthought - its hard knowing someone you used to care about is hurting like that - but even if I was in his life in the same capacity its still up to him to get treated - its his health.
xoxo
Reply 2- Blondie, thanks so much for the hugs. I am trying to be strong. Sometimes the temptation to contact becomes overwhelming. So far I have not given in.
And oh, I had to block a troll who replied to this post. Trolls are the last thing people like us need.
I think when you become so unhappy that it's time to focus on yourself and get out of the relationship. He comes with a lot of baggage and it's way too much for you and hurts you. It's time to go and tell him you are done, and then go no contact so that you make a clean break. He will go on as he always has and will manage without you.