Hi. I haven't been on here in a while. I am sorry for that. Things were going really well for Tommy and I. And then one weekend ended it all. This was 3 weeks ago today. 

Tommy and I met at Country Thunder in 2019 and we hit it off right from the start. Things were so good the first year. They were perfect. When it was just him and I, nothing stood in our way. He was my best friend. But after about a year and a half, things started to get rocky when his friends were involved. Tommy is very close with his friends. But his friends do things that are, like, really bad. That friend group is very toxic. They cheat on their fiance's and they just can't be trusted. They have been really mean to me throughout my relationship with Tommy, like calling me names and such. But what happened our last weekend together was the breaking point.

We went on the annual snow ski trip and rented an Air BNB with a group of like 15 of us. Things were going fine until the second day. I learned a lot of crazy information about his friends while he was skiing for a bit longer and I was in the bar. Like how this girl cheated on her AGAIN the night before in the air BNB. and just a lot of things. His friends all say horrible things about one another, like this one guy is only dating his girlfriend for her parents' money. They all talk bad about each other. I could go on and on about stuff. Or how the engaged couples' wedding isn't real because they arent getting ordained and that their whole relationship is fake while her father payed for her engagement ring. And this other guy was going to propose to his girlfriend (who by the way tried to attack me) but now changed his mind about proposing after what she did in Miami. (wonder what that was.....) And then there is one girl who always comes between everything and starts all the drama and then stands back and plays the victim. Every time. 

So here is what happened. I was sitting waiting to be picked up with Sam, and she talked so much trash about literally everyone. She was saying things about other people's relationships and just talking shit about everyone. At one point she brought up ME being a Lunatic (which is what people were calling me behind my back because my nickname is Luna) and she knows how much it upset me. And so I had a few drinks so my emotions were running high. So when she said that, I remember telling her to not talk to me and that we were no longer friends. On the way home, it was just Tommy and I in his car and I was being super quiet and he asked what was wrong. I told him a few things but not everything. He has always said that Sam is a b****. 

When we got back to the house, some of the others were there already. I walked in and Lauren saw on my face that I had been crying, so she asked what was wrong. I told her that Sam was talking trash about everyone. Which, I definitely shouldn't have said because I never could trust Lauren. So then later that night, the majority of the house went to the bar besides me, Tommy and Sams boyfriend. When the group got back to the house after the bar, Sam came flying in the house and got up in my face screaming at me and trying to fight me saying "WHO TF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT DID I SAY?!" and was demanding that I repeat all of the horrible things that were said about the others in front of the entire house. I told her I was not going to repeat it and she said "Yeah cuz you know I didnt say SHIT". and then was like "You wanna know why everyone calls you a Lunatic? Cuz your F******** crazy" which I thought was funny considering that I was sitting on the couch with my hands to myself as she was coming at me trying to fight and Tommy was pushing her off of me saying "Get your f****** hands off her". Then Tommy told me to pack my stuff and that we were leaving. 

While I was packing in our room which was downstairs in the basement, I could hear Sam screaming nasty things about me. So I got pissed off and went upstairs and started to say "I'm sorry but what you said is not okay" but her boyfriend cut me off after I said "but" and said "you can't say im sorry BUT" and Sam said that she will never accept my apology and she told me to burn in hell. I called her a name and then told her I would see her there. I told her to sleep with one eye open. 

So then after I was almost done packing my things, Tommy got upset with me and blamed the whole thing on me because I "threatened to kill Sam". Okay first of all, false. He said "why did you even have to say anything?" Why is this my fault? Sam is the one who said all the nasty things... all I said was that she was talking trash. And since Tommy was now mad at me too, I just wanted to be out of that house. I thought there might be a main lodge or something to go wait in while I waited for a ride home. So I took my bags and started walking. Tommy found me in the car and made me get in. He was really mad. He took me back to the house and I called a friend. 

I had suffered with self harm in the past and I wasn't feeling too great so I called a friend from high school to talk through things with her in the bathroom. Tommy must have overheard our conversation because he ended up breaking up with me because I "cant handle (my) emotions" and I was "talking about hurting (my)self". First of all, he knows that I have suffered with self harm in the past. Second of all, he shouldn't have been listening in on a private phone conversation I was having... I thought I was doing the right thing by calling someone for help. I know that me packing up my things and walking off scared him but what was I supposed to do? Stand there and be bullied with him getting mad at me and blaming me? That wasn't going to happen. I just wanted to be out of that house. 

So my parents ended up picking me up the next morning. Tommy helped me carry my things to the car and when he saw my parents, he looked like he was going to cry. Before getting in the car I said, "so where do we stand" and he said he didnt know. But then he hugged me and told me that we would be alright. Then that night he broke up with me over text. 

This was 3 weeks ago, today. I kept thinking that he just needed space but he has not talked to me in at least a week. He has moved on. He is out with his horrible friends that they post videos of him on their social media. AND he is following and liking all sorts of nude pictures on instagram. Yet i am still trying to fight for our relationship. The last thing he said to me was that he knows that I'll be okay and that we tried but our relationship isn't working like it should. 

Things have been so hard for me ever since he left me. Just awful. i miss him so much. I have texted him too much since. Almost every day. but he wont say anything. I have been in so much shock. I just dont understand how he could throw away our relationship like that. I keep feeling like a bad person because I keep reaching out and trying to repair our relationship. I keep feeling like a bad person because I feel like I am the one who ruined our relationship. We had so many plans for a future together and now I feel like I am dead to him. I feel so stuck in my life now. How did this happen??? It's been three weeks to this day and I'm still upset. I just want him back. This isn't fair that OUR relationship had to end because of the others. 

Right now, he is in another state for training for his job. I sent him a text today because I know today was the day he was supposed to leave for it so I texted him wishing him safety and wishing him the best and I told him that I still love him with all of my heart. I sen thim a picture from NYE also. He is active on facebook and stuff so I'm not really expecting a response. But it really hurts. Feeling like you don't exsist to someone who was your whole world. I just want him to come back to me. I miss him everyday and it hurts so much.