I'm so sorry you are going through this. That is just mean that he went off on you like that. He obviously didn't even want to talk about it, he is immature and just wanted what he wants (selfish).

If he's 15 years younger, then he is only 27 years old. Which is still young in "guy years". He may have thought he was ready to settle down and have a step family, but in reality, he's still wanting to go out and date around until he's probably mid 30's.

But enough about him. You are young still... 42 is so young! You will have no trouble finding a (mature, this time!) guy. Don't even worry about that. Right now, just deal with the break up, tend to your self, and your kids. Block this guy on your phone. You do not need to hear any of his crap anymore. He can go off with that female friend (sounds like that is what happened).... but you will not care.... she can have him.... The longer you are away from him, you will start feeling better and better.

Check on YouTube. Type in search words like - "how to deal with a break up" and "dating an immature young guy" and words like those. Lots of good (free) break up videos that are actually very helpful. to watch or listen to on ear buds.

You are better than this! You're going to be okay. Take some time to yourself and your kids. Do NOT contact him. Not for anything. He wants you to come begging back, he wants that for his young ego. Don't contact him!

Thank you so much for replying. I’m lost and don’t have many friends. He told me several times during our relationship that I was an “ego boost” being that I’m older and in pretty good shape. He’s overweight with small assets if you know what I mean. No one decent his own age wanted him. I was really into him for his personality and able to overlook a girl in her 20’s wouldn’t. He’s in for a rude awakening if you ask me. However, I blocked him before he broke it off. I felt it coming.

Sadly, this is one of the many chances you take when you put your heart out there. As for what to do next? I have no clue, it's your world and you have to survive it the best you can.

Good luck

Make a promise to yourself that the next relationship you get into (and you will get into another relationship, no worries there), that you will keep your friends. Because it's times like this, that we wish we had kept in touch with our friends.

We all do that, but just a reminder to keep in touch with your friends when you are in the next relationship.

You're doing great! Yeah, he sounds like someone you couldn't really count on for a long term situation. He has like 10 years of growing up to do still.

Keep up your self care. Go easy on yourself now, you are going through a lot.

I want to live like the Golden Girls. I feel like things like break ups would be so much easier with tribe of girlfriends around. My biggest fear is never feeling intimacy like I did with him. I wasn’t this sad after my divorce, but my marriage suffered a slow death. I grieved while I was in it. I feel like no one has my back now. He was good like that. I guess he was good until he wasn’t.

I always say any relationship is a chance we are taking for something. It will have its ups and downs and yea may end. We will always bounce back but takes time. You are not old and it isn’t karma. But sometimes for reasons we don’t even control things end. He may not of been ready or could be a billion reasons. He is quite young yet. But just take care of yourself and kids and do what you can for self care and self love. I trying to work on they myself!

I’m sorry as I hear your distress. This young guy seems to have had immaturity issues from the beginning. Sometimes what we really have in common is the physical nature, which is not true intimacy. True intimacy is knowing each others hearts, souls, minds and sharing vulnerabilities. I’m not sure if he and his ex were doing the hanky panky or just turned into best friends. I do think love relationships work better if the couple are best friends as well as lovers. You are at an age where your peers are wrapped up in their kids and paying the bills. I do think we have to keep working on making new friends all our lives. It’s hard at times, easy at others. This breakup means a lot to you and it will take time to heal from the loss. Sometimes we need good counseling or sometimes we can heal ourselves. While it may feel like major rejection at this time, I wonder if you really just got saved from future trauma with this guy? Maybe flip the script and remind yourself of his faults. Sex isn’t enough even when it’s plentiful. Every relationship we have, with friends and lovers, has good and bad. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good but we don’t recognize the bad because we are ignoring it. A bad boyfriend is truly worse than no boyfriend. He’s not ready to commit or be a step dad. Now is your time to work on you. Your mind can be freed to focus on taking care of yourself emotionally. I’m glad you aren’t living with him if he can’t commit. Your kids feel a loss also if they liked him as a role model type of figure. If he was just mommy’s friend, they may not miss him much. They will notice your sadness but humans have feelings and it’s normal to feel rejected and then sad. Don’t let this be that huge rejection you never get over, keep on healing yourself!

No way you can look at it the other way. It was a decent relationship, it was fun and now its over. You had a man who liked you, there are obviously others, and you can see what happens with the different relationships in the future.

Something was apparently bothering both of you and after some fun times, it looks like this ran its course.

No reason to get down on yourself or your future prospects. You should compliment yourself that you looked beyond pure looks for that opens up a greater number of men. Hasty wrote, "True intimacy is knowing each others hearts, souls, minds and sharing vulnerabilities." Some truth, but not always the case. I think there's almost a 1/3 of couples not having sex, probably a 1/3 with a good mismatch.

Try not to think of (or chase the notion of) an idealized relationship like on TV, there's going to be some tension between men and women, between people, men do things that annoy women and vice-versa. People can have reasonably good relationship and some will get divorced and they can be happy thereafter.

I have a cousin who first married at 50. There are people in small apartments with husbands making relatively little money who are quite happy and there are ones with spouses making large amounts that are seriously unhappy.

Take a little break, get involved with your kids, renew your relationships with your friends and hopefully life will take you in a nice direction.

People think intimacy is the physical but it’s really in the mind. Emotional intimacy. Good sex is a bonus but we can have true intimacy without sex. Our culture is often confused about this stuff. True intimacy is emotional closeness, honesty, vulnerability, trust, friendship, sharing, caring and love. Thanks for letting me clear this up, Bobby. Not many people have true intimacy and many confuse good sex with emotional intimacy. Not many are capable or willing to be as vulnerable with another human as needed to achieve true intimacy. I’m trying to point out that sex is not enough on its own. Many people feel lonely in their relationships because there is no emotional intimacy.

Or, we chose a partner who can’t be emotionally available or vulnerable because then we don’t have to be vulnerable either. Good sex is not always forever in this life. We hope so but life happens to all of us.

Hope you're doing okay

My ex made me feel valued and wanted, then would instantly change up and act like I was meaningless.

Crazy

Any triggers or just random?

You have your entire life ahead of you. You were dating a boy. You might be surprised at some of the men that are out there wanting someone just like you.
After being destroyed in a relationship we have 2 choices. The first is to jump into another as soon as possible to help forget the last one (this is what my ex-wife did) The second is to take time and heal!

I suggest taking the time to heal and if you feel lonely date a little or go out with a friend. Get a hobby or go back to school online or anything to occupy your time. You need to heal yourself and regain the ability to trust again.

I know I am not ready to be in a relationship. I loved my wife very much and have for most of my life. She was my first love and best friend from 6 years old until 14. Then we kind of had a falling out and almost 9 years ago she came back into my life and we were married 4 years later. By our second anniversary something was going majorly wrong with her mentally. Her behavior was really spontaneous and impulsive, not to mention she was doing some really bizarre our of caricature things. I caught her cheating on me for the first time on our 2nd anniversary. The cheating and lies went on for about 8 months. I still wanted to work it out and tried for another year, but she didn't put any effort into it so we are now divorced.

I still miss her every day, but I know I can not trust her. I also am numb in general when it comes to feeling anything other then sadness or anger. So I am working on me and doing therapy, reading and writing on here. She runs to a new relationship to forget the old.


Big hugs and best of luck!

Having a true group of friends seems to be one of the keys

Hard these days once you get older as everyone has their own crap to be dealing with

That is very true ! Most of my friends are married or in serious relationships and now that I am divorced I don't really fit in. Then everyone else has so much other stuff to do.

Starting over at 51 really sucks also.