Prayer and family are my suggestions...

I am so touched by what you are going through. 35 years, and he has done this before and then worked to reconcile? He is so very tragically messed up, and the impact to you and your children is staggering to me. Maggie, you are in my prayers.

Thank you and you are right he is messed up. He keeps telling me and the children how bad he feels!

I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking. I wish I had the magic fix all but I hate to say it but I think time is the only true healer and even in time I don't know if we ever truly heal. Stay strong for your children and yourself.

Maggie, journaling helped me process the chaos of emotion. I also benefitted tremendously from a faith-based therapist so I highly recommend that. No matter what happens, know the the Lord can take even the most traumatic tragedies and make something good come out of it. Face your pain and grieve with conviction. Bless you.

Another awful day. He was supposed to call to get clothes etc and he just didn't. He was away but back today and just sent a txt he was too tired to deal with anything but he went straight to her home and used our joint account to buy her a present which we can't afford. I waited all day had a panic attack and threw up. This time last week he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me! How can someone be so cruel. His family are really annoyed too but this doesn't help me. I feel so overwhelmed. I have an appointment with a consuellor but just can't see how anyone can help. We live in a small town so I'm going to see them together. I just pray God would take me and end this.

I'm very sorry you are going through this my thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong for yourself and your children. Keeping busy helped me and being around my family and friends.

Hugs for you!!!! Thinking of what you need and what you're feeling is the most important. You dont owe him anything. These things take time to process and your heart and mind are hurting. You're doing the right thing by sharing on here.

You need a lawyer to put a stop to him using marital assets to purchase her presents. He's going to owe you that money, and any other he's been pilfering. Please go read Chump lady website just google it, she really helped me after my ex wife pulled the same thing after 24 years. It's going to take time to feel better but you do need to protect yourself.

I take supplements. I have lost my appetite too in the last couple of days. Pamper the hell out of yourself if you have the strength. I was having severe panic attacks too dear, oh I am so sorry for your suffering. Essential oils help. I take effexor it nipped the panic attacks in the bud pretty quick. Chamomile tea, kava tea. Celery is good on the tummy, soup. L- Arganine is good for your circulation, meaning more oxygen less panic. Stretch. Find a meditation app on your phone that works for you and you may have to look. Work on your beauty, do whatever you need to do to feel beautiful. Make sure you sleep in comforting sheets, doesn't matter what material, just what feels good to your skin, same with your sleep wear, make sure is feels good to lay in. Paper bags do work for panic attacks it's not just on tv. Ear plugs to make everything quiet will sooth you at times.
And finally, lay on your left side in a cool dark room. Get solid sleep. Lack of sleep will worsen everything. It is all about you.
Oh and forgive him. I know that may sound nuts, but, if he has your unforgiveness he has your love your joy and all that you need to seize life. Do what you need to do to not harbor any resentment.
You are worth investing in yourself. You are all you've got. Yes there is support don't get me wrong, believe in you. Believe in your children. Become solid. Love yourself and others. Life is short. Helping and loving others is very healing.
All my love and peace to you dear.

Please don't take my reply as being insensitive. I am fighting the same battle right now. Yes it is very cruel. It is nauseating. So my reply is not cliche it is what I do to cope and hang on to my health. I want you to have as much tangible comfort as well as emotional and spiritual comfort.

Hi thank you for all your replies, they all make sense. Angel dawn Thank you for your practical advice and I do understand about forgiving him. I just had a good friend on the phone for an hour and that was her advice too. She said to me if I can forgive him but not forget and I don't have to tell him that but it gives me more control over this situation. It's just such a rollercoaster of emotions. I haven't slept more than an hour since last Sunday so I find everything more exhausting. I'm going to try and see a doctor but it's a two week waiting list. I'm also at times completely irrational. When he didn't call last night I knew it was his night for yoga and I jumped in the car and I was going to go into the class and yell at him. Thankfully by the time I got there I had cooled down and my wonderful daughter rang me so I was ok. But I have this fear that I will completely lose it and do something I will really regret for my dignity. I'm really not a drama queen so it's a bit frightening. Again thank you all for your kind words they are like a balm to my wounded heart. I hope whatever you are all going through is manageable today.

(((HUGS)))) sorry hun. I agree you need to meet with a lawyer and start getting your ducks in a row. You need to know what the law says about different things, like can you change the locks on the doors, and what else you are obligated to. You could even work to get temporary orders to ensure he pays his part of the bills. Call the counselors office and let them know you would like to be called should someone cancel leaving an earlier opening.

I am here to tell you that although it is an extremely painful experience, divorce is not the end of the world. You will get through this and with some smart planning, you will end up better off. I know I did

Misred gave you some sound advice. You do need to gather up all your financial records and find a good lawyer. That doesn't mean you will divorce but it is something you need to know.

He's cheated twice now. That is starting to set a pattern. I got thru a somewhat difficult divorce and I can say that my life is much better. Whatever you decide will be right for you and that is what counts now. You and what you decide

Again thank you all, today I'm so drained I cannot think. He called today and we both cried and he left to have lunch with her. He knows I can't take him back and he said he know he's burnt his bridges but he still needs me. He tried to contact the children but no response but my daughter rang while he was here and wouldn't talk to him and he was devastated. He rang me later in tears as he thinks he has destroyed his relationship with his kids. He asked me to tell the kids he's so sorry for the hurt he has caused and I've done that but they will do things in their own time. He said the bubble has burst and he's crashing but I can't take him back not a second time?

Maggie, I know you are heartbroken, but you are not responsible for facilitating the relationships between him and the kids. I don't care how sorry he says he is or how many tears he cries. He wants out of the marriage but still wants you to do things as a wife. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. I'm in no way saying you bad mouth him to the kids, I just saying that's between them all to work out. My kids don't tell me anything about there dad and I'm fine with that. It makes my life peaceful.