My heart hurts for you as I have been there. Sometimes what I needed was a reality check. What is real & what I want it to be? It took me two whole years of hurting my own heart before I decided that I am DONE.

Now that I gave up the fight, there is a peacefulness within the storm. Yes, I still hurt & I still wish that things turned out differently but ... It is what it is. :(

Please examine your own situation throughly. If it is really over then let it be over. Let go.
If it can be saved, fight like hell to save it.
Then in between will tear your heart out. Don't be indecisive for too long.

Thoughts & prayers to you & hours, TCB

I'm not the one being indecisive. I fought like hell for 6 months , non stop the more I fought the more she bashed everything about us. I still want to fight but she dosent.

It sounds like she has already decided that it's over. I know the fight. I did it for 2 years even though emotionally he had already left, I just didn't know. I finally had to decide for myself that enough was enough. I can't make him care & his actions showed that he didnt.

I hope for your hearts sake that she realizes what she will be missing before it is too late.

Thoughts & prayers,
TCB

I would do whatever it takes to separate. It was tough when my ex wife gave up on us but there was no way I was gonna let her live with me anymore. She wanted out so I told her to pack and she went to her mothers for several months until she figured out an apartment.

I feel for you in the fact that you have to live with her. It is very hard to overcome any situation when you have to keep facing it everyday. One thing I will tell you is the longer you stay in a situation like this, the more unhealthy it becomes mentally and physically.

I learned almost 5 years and 3 relationships ago that I had a family in DS. I haven't been here in almost 5 years however I am glad DS is still around to be here for all of us when we need it.

Lean on this family and as for your tradition of giving you wife a kiss, kiss one of your kids on their heads and give thanks that you have them close to you.

Happy New Year tjfmaf

I am right there with you. It's been a rough year, and I am not sad to see it go. I went out with friends last night and it was ok, not great. Hard to see all the loving coulee and be a single senior woman!

My divorce papers will be coming in a month or two, and I know I need to start living for me and finding my way, but it's hard.

I said all that to say I understand and I hope it gets better for both of us. That's what I keep hearing, but it sucks right now.

Couples.

Kbbcoop77 our situation prevents me from leaving the house unless I want to destroy my mother's credit. 6 years ago my mother and wife talked me into , yes they got along great and talked me into buying a nice big house all together with an in law suite for my mother. Then shit happened they had a falling out and my mother had to move out. Good for our family but bad that now only two of us were paying the mortgage with intensions of refinancing my mother's name off the house as she wished. Then my Wife quit her job and wasn't able to get one for months. I struggled to pay mtg. But did. Then my wife wanted to seporate snd black mailed me out of the house threatening to evict my sisters family from another small home we owned. So.i left . Our mortgage fell months behind snd hit all of us with bad credit . Couldn't refinance . Long story short because of circumstances with my wife we for closed on the small house we got back together months later snd paid up our house but credit still in th3 take even todsy so we still have my mother's name on this house.
You see if I leave my wife cannot pay for this mortgage it's impossible for her to do even if she takes me to court. I've asked her to leave since she wanted the divorce she will not leave . She even took me to court to have the court award the house to her already. They thru that case out. But told us to work together to fix our relationship.but we can't because we are on two different pages. I want her , she dosent want me . Either way she refuses to see the house which honestly is the best case. I just can't have our credit keep getting screwed up. Because of her. Every time I work so hard to get things back on track and then something like her wanting to run happens and bills pile up. She has racked up so much credit card debt over the last few months paying for god knows what. Blames that on me because get this ... when I got served divorce papers I opened up a seporate checking account and she blames me for her debt because I won't put money in the joint account.so she can't pay her bills.
Sorry got off track. Plain and simple in can't leave or in fear financial ruin will come and hurt my mother which helped us get our house. Credit checks are required for all rental properties around here. And she refuses to leave . Or sell.

Buy the way she never called the kids last night Ike she said she would at midnight. Came home around 1:30. Never said hi ,which I guess I don't expect but this morning hasn't said anything to me. Im so tired of being ignored. I did do somethi g pathetic last night and sent her a text when she left asking her not to go please. Of course that went unanswered.
She also is very angry Tha I can't talk to her like a best friend anymore? ? How can I do that when she is destroying my insides and life. I on see it getting any easier in 2016 but I pray it does

It's time for you to protect yourself from your wife's financial irresponsibility.

You took a good first step opening a separate checking account. Now you need to split the financial responsibilities legally. You can do that and have it set up in formal legal document.

First thing to do is find a reputable credit counselor and find out how to split up existing credit cards, removing the other's name from them. They can help you figure out how to pay off & cancel as many credit cards as you can. The credit counselor can help you come up with a budget and who is responsible for what. You could even set that in motion legally with a legal separation, even if you're living in the same place for now. You can ask the courts to force you to sell the house.

If you don't do this, she WILL drive you into the ground financially.

Your other options are to ask your mother to buy you out of the house or you can declare bankruptcy. You, your wife & your mother have equal responsibility when it comes to the house.

You can't do what you can't do, no matter what your wife says. IMHO, if she wants the house, then SHE should pay for it.

If I were you, I'd figure out a way to get the house sold and find your own place to live, even if its just a studio apartment until you can get your finances and divorce finalized.

Please don't stop looking for options. We always have more than two choices. It just takes some out of the box creative thinking.

A formal legal document ? it would be really nice if someone would at least make her pay for half of the joint bills. im really wondering why my lawyer didn't mention something like this. can the court really make you sell the house? this seems so screwed up that I might have to consider making her do these things. I don't want to leave my kids. I have done that once before and I just cant do that again, my mom cannot afford to buy us out. the best approach is to have her name removed from the mortgage somehow but I have absolutely no idea how to go about that besides a refinance and we just cant do that. my only options I can see is to sell the house. than if she truly wants this divorce and me gone we would have to go our separate ways. I cant even look at her anymore without panic attacks its rediclous. I need guidance , real guidance with help with decisions but this type of support costs money I don't have. im paying all bills mine and joint while she only pays for her credit cards and gas to get to work. how can someone who loved me be so cruel and selfish?

Tjfamf,
My heart goes out to you because I know your pain. For 2 years I tried to handle it living under the same roof. It certainly was a knife twister. :( I couldn't take it anymore. Now we are not home at the same time but our schedules allow us to do that.
Can you or better yet, she, move into the in law apartment in your home?
I don't know if it would be helpful but there is a financially challenge support group here also. Maybe someone there could have some good suggestions.
Hopefully, something will happen for you because living under the same roof will just bring you more heart ache. Since we have been doing the no contact since Nov. My life is so much less stressful, a kind of peace within the storm. Thoughts & prayers to you & your family. TCB

There are a couple of websites that provide info about divorce, separation, custody agreements, financial agreements, etc. for each state. One is divorce.net and the other is legalzoom.com. Each state has its own laws, but there are almost always loopholes.

IDK why your attorney didn't mention this. But ask and if s/he doesn't provide you w/answers that somewhat match the info on the two websites, then it might be time to find a new attorney. Many attorneys offer free legal consultations, so use them.

Plus attorneys are not financial experts. I found that out the hard way. My atty really screwed me over financially. That's when I found out it's really a good idea to talk to a certified CPA BEFORE the final property settlement agreement is signed. My property agreement was signed two years before the divorce was final. That was our choice. Laws are different in each state, so educate yourself, because there's always a way.

One last thought, if you have retirement accounts &/or investments, they are ruled by federal laws and you will probably need a QDRO. Also, if you have investments, do NOT give her more than half of the liquid assets and do NOT take more than half of the stocks because when whoever goes to sell the stocks, THAT PERSON will be responsible for paying ALL of the taxes regardless of who bought them.

Here's something you might want to ask a lawyer, a CPA and your mortgage company. You also need to check and see whose names are on the mortgage and the title. You can ask if there are three of you on the mortgage, can two of you legally force the third one to sell or does it take all three to agree? If it only takes two, then you can go ahead file whatever papers it takes to legally force the sale of your home.

Again, I don't know the laws in your state, but its certainly worth checking out.

MTC has given you a lot to think about.

In my case, we got a legal separation agreement and divided up the assets, spousal support etc. I wanted to house so I bought it out. But, it I couldn't have afforded it, (i.e. If I couldn't have gotten the mortgage on my own) we would have been required to sell. There is no doubt that I have taken a step back on my net worth. But, it is now MY networth and I do not have to worry about my ex.

For your (and kids) mental and financial health, you need to get serious about legal separation ASAP. You will never start healing if you under the same roof.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!