Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My X has tried taking me to court to decrease child support only to find out the system recommended an increase. At first, I even tried asking him if we could settle it outside of court, I was willing to consider it for the sake of not having to go to court again, but his answer was, "I'll see you in court!" knowing I had no vacation days left. So yes, I had to take a day off withOUT pay.
For Thanksgiving, he would not let me have the kids the Friday after Thanksgiving even tho I had asked 2 weeks in advance, saying "please" of course. His family does not plan and he made NO attempts to find out, just said, "I don't know what my mom's plans are." So they missed out on my family get together, and spent that day with his mom bc he had to work.
He constantly "has to work" on his weekend with the kids. If I assume they will stay with me, I shouldn't have assumed, bc his mom will pick them up. If I assume his mom will pick them up, I am wrong again bc I misunderstood, and am the one making it difficult, why can't they stay with me? So I just tell him now, so what if you have to work, what does that mean, you are telling (he never asks) me they will stay with me, or your mom will cover for you? Just tell me what affects me and the kids, now he says I don't care about anyone but myself...
Now I ask him to sign a form and have it notarized, so I can get a passport for the kids for a vacation. And he says after the holidays, knowing I lost my job last week and would like to go NOW before I start a new job. He cannot take 10 minutes out of his day to have it notarized?
This is affecting my mental state of mind, and with no job, that means no health insurance if I go to therapy. I hate his games, what can I do to get a notarized signature from him now bc passports take a couple of months to get? I hate this. The only leverage I have is increasing the child support, but I don't want to play these kind of games. Anyone have any suggestions?
Lee
For Thanksgiving, he would not let me have the kids the Friday after Thanksgiving even tho I had asked 2 weeks in advance, saying "please" of course. His family does not plan and he made NO attempts to find out, just said, "I don't know what my mom's plans are." So they missed out on my family get together, and spent that day with his mom bc he had to work.
He constantly "has to work" on his weekend with the kids. If I assume they will stay with me, I shouldn't have assumed, bc his mom will pick them up. If I assume his mom will pick them up, I am wrong again bc I misunderstood, and am the one making it difficult, why can't they stay with me? So I just tell him now, so what if you have to work, what does that mean, you are telling (he never asks) me they will stay with me, or your mom will cover for you? Just tell me what affects me and the kids, now he says I don't care about anyone but myself...
Now I ask him to sign a form and have it notarized, so I can get a passport for the kids for a vacation. And he says after the holidays, knowing I lost my job last week and would like to go NOW before I start a new job. He cannot take 10 minutes out of his day to have it notarized?
This is affecting my mental state of mind, and with no job, that means no health insurance if I go to therapy. I hate his games, what can I do to get a notarized signature from him now bc passports take a couple of months to get? I hate this. The only leverage I have is increasing the child support, but I don't want to play these kind of games. Anyone have any suggestions?
Lee
If it's his weekend to have the kids, you have to accept it, whether he's working or not. Do you have a formal child visitation agreement?
As far as the vacation goes, do you absolutely have to have passports? Can you go on vacation in the country you're in? The reason I'm asking is you need to take your power back. Go ahead and go on vacation, just go somewhere where you don't need passports.
I guess to make a long reply short, don't ask him for things. Deal with him in court. He is loving being able to tell you no. Don't let him have the opportunity. As far as who picks up the kids when, get something in writing with some deadlines (On dad's weekend the children will be picked up by 6 p.m. or I will assume you've made other plans for the weekend and I will do something with the children). Again, get a visitation order if you don't have one and stick to it. Use the legal system against him. That's what I'm doing to my stbx.
I don't know if this advice will help. Hugs to you. I know it's frustrating.
Get all communication thru email.
Who has primary custody? If there is no court order, you don't Have to let the kids go with him.
And it's totally reasonable for custody to be determined a couple weeks in advance (at least).
For example, my ex is taking the kids for Christmas, and he wanted to keep them an extra day or two. I asked him last week, "so what is it? One day or two? Tell me now. So he had to decide then....not just wait on his family for their plans.
I have primary custody, so it's my call. Now I can't abuse this. I must make the kids available on a reasonable basis.
And child support should be cut and dry based on income and custodial time with the kids. Not out of acting out of frustration or spite. If you are entitled to more, take more.
I'm sorry about your job. Best of luck!
I'm sorry to be abrupt, but you and your x are not agreeing on much about the kids whereabouts and, as a parent, I would not grant you signatures to get my kids out of the country. I would postpone an overseas trip to resolve issues on the ground here first.
Mental health: Churches have pastorale care and divorce care. It's free. Divorce Care offers a program for children as well which I highly urge you to take.
Good luck.
Lee