I'm sorry you're here. If your ex has/had another woman he hasn't shown you much respect. Going completely no contact is the best way to get him out of your head. It's not easy, I'm not going to lie but it needs to be done.

Do you really want him if he comes back? Will you ever really be sure of his motives? When someone shows you who they are, it's incumbent upon us to believe them the first time.

I speak from experience. Best to pretend the man is dead. Cut him out of social media and everything else so you won't find out what he's doing. If someone starts to offer up that information, politely tell them that his life is none of your concern anymore. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

The ex in my life had an affair; wasted three more years of my 40s with bogus reconciliation and now he's married to the OWife. Good riddance to bad rubbish. They deserve each other.

You can't move on to a better life until you leave this one behind. Mourn your loss because it is a huge loss and then start putting your life back together. It could be a lot better than you think. You've lost a cheater so it's already looking up! Hang in there. It gets better I promise.

ilostitinthedivorce.com

that's the kind of thing I need to hear. Gives me strength. Thank you, Neverceases

I know exactly how you feel. A few years ago my ex fianc broke off our wedding to be with someone else. For a really long time I was not willing to accept it was really over I kept thinking he would come to his senses and he wouldn't just leave and replace me like that....in the end he ended up marrying that woman. They are still married today. I am glad I did let go because I would have been in hell for years waiting around. There is no easy way to get through this. It sucks there is no way around that. you have to focus more on the things about this person that hurt you and caused the relationship to end rather then the trips and the fun moments. I found myself to be my worst enemy because for months I put him on this pedestal and our time together as the "only good moments of my life" I started to idealize everything and stopped remembering some of the cruel evil things he did end up doing to me. Once I realized who he was and what a life with him would have meant for me in some way I did see I was better off. I guess like the saying goes the only way to make room in your life for someone who is meant to be with you is to remove the person blocking that I guess in some ways your ex leaving could have made room for someone you are supposed to come across or meet at some point.

I started feeling better after someone suggested browsing that website www.chumplady.com
I have to say the first time someone suggested I was offended and didn't get it. Then I allowed my self the second time to really read the articles and posts and found that I gained some insight. As much as I wanted my husband back some times, it would never be the same and I could never trust him again.
I understand how you feel though. My husband takes the OW to the movies and to restaurants. Its what we used to do. And it made me feel sad and replaced. But then I try to remember he made his choice and he will have to live with them. I am making my own future with the knowledge that he probably did me a favor by showing his true colors. Hang in there. it will get easier.

Ok I am well on the road to healing from a cheating ex-husband (separated two years) but my first thought when reading your post was "how in the world do you know everything he is doing"??

First I would quit keeping tabs on his life. If you are asking people about him or stalking him on social media you need to stop! If people are proving you this information you need to tell them that you don't care what he is doing, that you don't need to be updated on his life as you two are no longer tied together.

Going completely NC is the best thing you can do for yourself! It is hard, probably the hardest part but with each day get easier.

Two years ago I thought my life was over and that I would never be happy again. Things are completely opposite!! I absolutely love my life and am thankful for not having a lying, cheating, narcissistic man in my life!

Hope you find the strength soon!!

I am thankful to have discovered this site and this support. Reading your stories and knowing that you understand means the absolute world to me. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy and pray that I really take everyone's advice on how to kick him out of my mind and be happy again. Tired of crying

Betsy, block his number (if you don't have kids). If you do have kids, he can leave a voicemail. You don't want that phone call, and if it does come, he's doing 3 things: 1. Reassuring himself that he still has you on a string, so if his new relationship sours, he doesn't have to go through being alone (like you are, for now). 2. He gives you false hope with that phone call. 3. If he does call, because he misses you, and you answer...see number one. He can't genuinely miss you if he knows you're available to him.
Try to remember what made you feel happy before you met him, and focus on those things, and find new things, as well. Remind yourself that you were a good person before you met him. He may be purposely taking this woman to the same places you went for whatever reasons. Maybe it's his way of trying to get you out of his mind, and doesn't realize or doesn't care that it hurts you. If that's the case, why would you want him back? Would those places be special to you anymore?
Don't say you "can't" get over him. You're having trouble getting over him, which is understandable...it's excruciatingly difficult, but you can and you will get over him, and you'll be better off because of it.

I'm sorry to hear of you pain. It is difficult when you know what he is doing, and I relate to feeling replaced. My ex now rides her bike with OM along the river where we used to ride or walk, and where we would watch the sun set and kiss on a bench a couple miles out. I know because I tried to go for a walk and there they were. She takes him to all the concerts we used to go to. She took him, and my son, to the fireworks we used to go to. She takes him on a favorite hike up to a tower, etc. I know more than I want to due to running into them, or my son telling me, all, excited, about their adventures together.

I've had to give up most of my favorite places because she is there with him and I don't want to see them together. It is very difficult. I'd move if I could, but I got an apartment on my son's bus route to make visitation easier and keep him in my life, so I have to suck it up on the other stuff. I guess I have to find new places to go.

Do you have children together? If not, as hard as it is, block his number, block his FaceBook, and go through the withdrawal and pain of NC. The worst will come and go, and you will start to heal. Don't beat yourself up if you slip once or twice. It is bound to happen. But if you do, go right back to NC. It is the only way to "let go" so you can move on and begin to live again - not controlled by him and not letting him dictate how you feel about yourself.