No he won't I gave my husband a second chance 6 years ago after he cheated on me and regret it every single day he does what he wants and my kids and I are just after thoughts I can't stand the sight of him he sleeps on the couch also although mine is not new and he won't leave even though we have no kind of relationship and it sucks I have talked to a lawyer and they told me it's his permanent residence also and I can't make him leave I have no job bc we owned a store together and the sale of it is being transferred in a couple weeks I can't wait for the day I get a job and we can put the house up and be rid of him I wish I could say things get easier but until they are gone it doesn't my thoughts are with you I'm stuck just like you

My heart goes out to you… I am so very sorry that you are going through this in your marriage.
Is there any chance that you can sit down and talk, and go through everything that is upsetting to you, and suggest counseling? It might prove very helpful in releasing all the issues that you have with him, and provide an avenue to work things out.

There are lots of free ways to seek counseling online. I think marriages are worth fighting for, but people usually don't change miraculously, they need help. We all have hard times and have all made mistakes on different levels. You might check out the www.nationalmarriage.com. They might be able to help you work things out.

I will be praying for you and your marriage. I hope you can find the happiness that you deserve!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have been where you are. My first ex was a narcissist bully and made my life a living hell. I struggled in this marriage from day 1 (I've learned so much since) and we lasted for 20 years. I will say that divorce was a constant talk in our marriage, each time I brought it up I got closer to actually taking the steps. I was scared, not knowing how I would survive, what about the kids, all of the fears you're probably dealing with. Everyone said I'd know when it was time (how do you know???) and one day I woke up and was done! I approached him for a divorce, we did everything in between, his demands (marriage counseling, financial counseling, etc) he didn't even do one thing our counselors suggested by the way and I had to get out and I did. I never looked back nor ever regretted my decision. Was it hard, yes. Was it scary, yes but you take it one day at a time. I am a much better, stronger woman now and I have no one telling me what to do, that I'm not good enough, etc. I am free and it's an amazing place to be. Like I said, I've learned a lot these past years and now know about red flags IF I ever decide to venture out into the dating world again.
I'm not saying divorce is the right choice in your situation but I know from experience, people like our exes rarely change. Even 13 years after our divorce, he is still trying to bully me (and our kids) and control my life, at least I don't have to live with the man and it is a huge relief. Good luck and don't rush into anything, take your time in making your decisions!

Well, at the very least, now you know with absolutely certainty that the marriage is totally done. No need to second, third, forth guess yourself or entertain other people's ideas that you go to counseling. It's over. He won't work on it or anything else. Jokers like this talk the talk when they are desperate, then go to the couch.

Mine is on the couch right now. I have 4 more days left of being married. On May 8th, it will have been 360 days since I filed for divorce, and he and his jackass lawyer have delayed and stalled the process, taken what should have been fairly cut and dry and dragged it out to the tune of $36,000 of legal fees on my end. That's a year's tuition for my second son, gone. The ONLY reason I'm fairly certain the divorce will be finalized Monday is because he isn't paying his lawyer any more until the new house sells. His lawyer wants OUT! Unfortunately, he's still living here, and until Monday I don't know what kind of a buyout deal he'll go for. He may be here till the new house sells.

Just a warning, lazy guys will make you do ALL of the divorce work, so steel yourself for that. You probably know this already I bet. It does allow you to get a headstart on the proceedings and you'll probably have the upperhand because he's so out of it. You'll be ok in the end.

I hear you...I don't regret a minute of filing and going through with the divorce. I do regret the 5 other times in the marriage I tried to divorce him and yet I took him back. Those are the times I regret not being strong enough, but at the same time I don't as I had young children and gave them a family. Do what is best for you and your children, they need to see their mom happy.

OMG I can't effing do this anymore. He stays up for 2 days doing jack shit and then sleeps for 2-3 days. He started installing a new dishwasher last night. Didn't finish. All day today I've had a sink full of dirty dishes and no effing hot water (remember? Just like at my old house... for over 4 years!) to wash them in because he disconnected the line. A few minutes ago, I saw water coming out from under the dishwasher. He came in and glanced at it, said it was probably just some water in the line and laid back down on the couch. I then look under it and the entire floor under it has 1/4 inch of water, which I promptly cleaned up. I said "Can you please finish installing this dishwasher???" To which he yelled back at me "YES! I'll do it as soon as I'm finished eating" (a brownie). Now he's back asleep. FOR EFF'S SAKE! He's a CONTRACTOR!! You see water pooling on the floor under your brand new cabinets... MY brand new cabinets and you just say "Meh, I'll fix it later" and go back to sleep? WTF is WRONG WITH THIS MAN???!!! The MOMENT all 3 of my kids are out of the house I'm telling him to get the eff out. I'm so effing done with this bullshit. A damn contractor and it takes him 2 days to install a damn dishwasher. SMFH!!!! Why did I ever give him a chance?!!!!!?

LoriCroit - Thank you so much for your advice but I can't be with this man anymore. He's made me and my children live like filth for the last 4 years and now he's bringing the same laziness, the same rage, the same bullshit to MY new house. I'm repulsed by everything about him. I just want him to leave.

And my brand new couch? You know, the one we told the kids they couldn't eat or drink on? Yeah, one night I found him passed out laying on his bowl of beef stew. Another, there were powdered donut crumbs all over it. Last week, his empty granola bar wrappers were all over the floor. This morning I woke up and came downstairs to find his open pepsi bottle spilling all over it and I came home at lunch to find him asleep with a plate of ranch dressing on the floor. But he says our kids are the slobs. Well if they are, they sure got it honest from him. I can't have anything nice because all he does is RUIN IT. My house, my van, my couch... NOTHING.

I forget, did you file yet? If you did, great. If not, then you're are delaying needlessly. Your divorce will take long enough on it's own with his behaviors. Also, in the law's mind, when you continue to stay in a crappy marriage, it's like you are saying that all is OK, that you're accepting of it all. The date the divorce papers are filed at the courthouse is the date the BS behaviors are officially documented and the cutoff date for acquiring marital assets and debt.

I haven't filed yet. I thought he would honestly put forth some effort. I was dead wrong. Today is the start of day 3 of sleeping on the couch ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I mean, he literally has done nothing but sleep on the couch for the last 48 hours. Yesterday, the plan was to drive to our old house and get more stuff. We've barely made a dent in all the shit he has there. He's a hoarder (part of the reason I wanted to leave) and it's going to take at least a month to go through it all. He claimed he didn't feel good. The kids and I went by ourselves... packed up boxes ourselves... loaded the truck ourselves. Mind you, my kids are 3, 7 and 9... so I ended up doing most of it. He didn't even help unload when we got back to the new house.

Everyday that I stay with him, everyday that we don't get out of our old house is one more day I'm paying for 2 houses and 2 sets of utilities. He doesn't care... he's unemployed. Has been for 6 years now.

Why can't I just tell him to leave? What is wrong with me? I'm so miserable with this man and yet I can't tell him to get the eff out of my house! There's got to be something wrong with me.

for many men to change he has to have felt the bomb drop of you being done. If he didn't get that chance then it was likely dismissed as any other argument. Distance yourself, but first tell him its over, and why, in a very short sentence or two - think at the root (you don't meet my love language - see the book or website - 5 love languages). Wait 3-4 weeks and see if he reaches a place of deep change. Re-assess then. In the mean time, take the time for yourself - do things you always wanted to do

He sounds hot 3cuties.

Lol. Sorry. Couldn't resist.

You poor woman.

sjs777 I think she's done waiting. She needs to screw up the courage to file. She can't even legally kick him out of the house, it's both of theirs (I believe). My guess is that like my slug husband (in no way is mine at the advanced level of 3cuties') he will stay until he is mandated by law to leave. He's got his couch, his snacks, his wife paying the bills, his kids (if he even cares he has them) and no self respect. He has no incentive to leave, and this guy sounds like there is not one bit of incentive in this world which will prompt him to go. Guys like this are inmovable, I hate to say. 3cuties, you HAVE to make that first move, you just have to, or this will be the rest of your life.

You have to be strong.. do what's best.. when he's not there.. or maybe sleeping.. pack your things and leave. And go as far as you can.

She has two houses, 2 mortgages and kids, I don't think just packing up and leaving is feasible. My lawyer told me basically the only way to get stbx out is if he threatened me, then I could call the police and have a restraining order put in place. She was advocating for that pretty strongly, but I didn't do it. It would have been just temporary and would have resulted in him digging his heals in deeper than he already had.