I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Be strong hang in there. I know easier said than done. I too am suffering a loss. Devastated but not destroyed. Recovering one day at a time. Praying for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know the pain of being rejected in favor of a new person (man in my case). It hurts like hell, and challenges you on every level. Remember that you deserve better and take care of yourself. You will get through this, though grief must run its course. Hugs and prayers.

Thank you Sadbuttrue. I am devastated. I can barely function. I cry every day. All I can think about is him being with her. My counselor tells me to let it go. I cannot do that, I feel like she stole my life.

Thank you miewisct. It does hurt like hell. I feel like I am in hell. Every part of my life looks black right now. Burning and scoring me. Grief grips my heart and squeezes. I want to text him and call him every day. He tells me he loves me still but this does not feel like love. How can I go on??? I want to just crawl in a hole and die.

I am really sorry for your pain. your husband is the one causing you this pain and he says he still loves you????
After what he has done to you and your family you believe him?????
The other woman only knows and stupidly believes whatever he tells her. I don't think you can place the blame all on her.

I think it is time for good and mad to take over.-----40 years is a long time. Your money that he is spending on her is your money too.
Do not say anything to him, but get yourself to a lawyer ASAP and at least ask for advice. Just me, I would start immediately. It is not fun to live with someone you can't trust.
Do you really want to wait around while he gets to pick and choose ?
I am really sorry for what this jerk has done to you and there is NO doubt that karma will turn around and bite him on the butt.

Sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Only you know what is right for you. Seems to me that after being married for 40 years, he is testing his sexuality all over again. Who cares? You need to decide what you want for yourself.

How terrible for you...I totaly feel your pain
My wife left after 19 years...and I was devastated

4 weeks?....so fresh

Find a therapist and a divorce group

Give yourself some time to breath

HUGS HUGS and more HUGS to you

Hullibee
Listen I am going through the same situation
Right now. Married 40 years, kids grown up,
The only difference he's left me years ago
(Separated) but still was calling me and giving
Me hope he was coming home all this time.
I've been true to him alone waiting and
Waiting and still waiting! Now he finally
Wants to close the door on me. I've been
Non-stop crying all day and night.
I'm starting to realize that if truthfully he doesn't
Want me and he moved on what am I hoping
For! Nothing!!!
It's hard letting go of someone you know more
Than half your life, it's very painful, but
This is causing me more pain holding on
I'm really stuck and I have to swim now
Before I drown- if you need to talk just befriend
Me, I need to talk as well

I too cannot get over MY man being with another woman! It just cuts me to the core! Thinking of them together is so overwhelm!
Letting it go!!!! Man if we could only just forget about it, move on like it wasn't our lives we are talking about. I am just doing the best I can to function. I am on here to relate to others dealing with similar situations. To vent, give and get support. So Hillibee I do not have any answers. I wish I could take it all away for you! Take care of yourself as much as possible and do the best that you can!

Thank you all for your wisdom and advice. I am trying to let go of the dysfunction. It is so hard to be alone. I cannot even contemplate turning to someone else to take away the pain. Sorry not my style.. I have only been with a handful of men since I was 16 years old. Cannot think about getting close to someone as a rebound. I will wait for divorce before thinking like that.

My biggest problem right now is thinking he will give up drinking and then girl friend and come to his senses. This is wishful thinking. He tells me he cannot resist me when he comes over. He tells me he still loves me everyday. I have a hard time resisting him too. I think I'm holding out for something that may never come.

I'm having a hard time today. Just found out he withdrew $10,000 out of his IRA. I think he gave it to her to buy the trailer she is living in. That makes me SICK!!! Just another dysfunction that I cannot control. This is a lot of money. Can't believe he would drain his retirement account like that.

Now what do I do? I am a mess over this. How do I find out for sure he did that? Can I check to see if she purchased this trailer? Don't even know if I should.

Sorry to hear that. I could not possible imagine how would that feel to be left by your husband after 40 years of marriage. If you really cannot forgive and take him back, get a divorce and make sure he pays you dearly. He will need to pay you alimony and you will also get a good share of his retirement. He and his gf will need to live on the rest.

I would suggest you to get a divorce lawyer to advice you on your next step.

Oh no! he can't withdraw money out of his IRA during a divorce! Didn't your lawyer put a temporary restraining order on all the accounts and properties?? Contact your lawyer ASAP!! Get that money back, or get a judgement against him, and SOON!

I don't think my divorce lawyer put a restraining order on his accounts. We agreed to not touch IRA's or retirement. I don't want to share mine with him. I'm a teacher. I have a big retirement. Also, I would have to pay him alimony because I make more money than he does right now. Unless he gets a new job, which he is trying to do.

That is why I am so mad. He did this last Labor Day before I even knew who the other woman was. Before I filed for divorce. I had no idea this was going on. I didn't discover the money gone until I was doing taxes. We now have to pay in $2,000 to federal government.

I am very confused over this. I want to ask him about it. I think he will lie to me though. I wish there was a way to check it out. She is also on welfare. I would think I could report her to DSS. I don't know how though???
Ellen

If u have a divorce lawyer let him know immediately about the withdrawal of 10k dollars. That's community property until the divorce is final.
As for turning in the ow I wouldn't bother. Concentrate on yourself and getting through this. Let your lawyer handle the money. Good luck I know this sucks...take care