Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Shaynuh 07/10/2017

So this past Saturday, I was on my way to go hiking with a friend of mine, and I checked my phone that morning beforehand....and my ex had texted me. It was 10:56 a.m. and he sent "Hey, how are you?" It took my breath away for a second because it was so unexpected, and honestly, I had thought if he ever contacted me again, that he'd say something more than that. So of course, I did not response.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I wake up from a nap and see a missed call from him, to which I did not return. Then he texted me last night with a random online listing for a sectional that looks exactly like the one that I own, with a message that said "Saw this the other day..".

That pissed me off. Of course I haven't said anything to him, but really!? A listing for a sectional that made him think of me? Really?!? I've gotten mixed opinions on this. Some think he's embarrassed and wants to talk to me, but isn't man enough to know what to say, so he's trying to see if I'll respond to his dumb messages and missed call....and others think he's bored and/or feels bad and is looking for absolution.

All I know is that I deserve more than this crap, and it feels insulting to me. He could totally be saying how sorry he is or something, but I guess not if that's not how he really feels. I also know that before I moved out of his house, a month and a half ago, I told him to not contact me to check up on me, because I hate that and it is insulting, that if he doesn't want to be with me, then he doesn't get to check up on me. So part of me doesn't think he's just contacting me to check up, but that he doesn't know how to start the conversation with me because he isn't man enough.

I'm pissed and confused and I want to know what he wants but I respect myself more than that, and feel like silence will be better than saying anything to him, because if he only wants to check up and his feelings have not changed, that alone would hurt me all over again. And I'm not trying to go back down that rabbit hole....but I'm still curious.

kbbcoop77 07/10/2017

It took me awhile to do this but if it bugs you and takes your breath away you should block him. These are just stupid breadcrumbs and I entertained this shit from my ex wife for 8 months before I finally realized it was keeping me stuck. Even if you block him believe me if he really wants to reconcile he will drive through walls to get to you. Anything else is mindless chatter to make him feel good.

Cora_Belle 07/10/2017

He is just trying to reel you back in. Great ego boost to be able to pull you in over and over and over again. Complete no contact and block him if necessary.

jdb22 07/11/2017

I am currently going through the same exactg situation!!!!! He contacts me one day and told me F*ck you and called me Pathetic. I didnt reply. The next day he again messaged me and said "I do miss you." "I am attracted to you!"

After this I sent an email and threatened to get a restraining order if he were to contact me again.
The only problem is, we have a child together, so while Im trying to deal with his mind games, I know that eventually she does need to see her daddy.

Ive got tons more I could share regarding our communication, this is why ive just chosen to end all communication. But today... 2 days later.. I miss him. and I feel lonely.. I hate this. I know i shouldnt contact him but i cant get over this feeling.

Shaynuh 07/11/2017

I'm not going to block him. He isn't harassing me. And I haven't received anything since Sunday, but I still don't understand the screenshot of the sectional. That's just weird to me. I honestly don't really know what to think about it all.

Spr167 07/12/2017

Shay, you know him better then any of us here. If you want him back then you need to make that decision. If you don't want him back then continue with no contact.

Why did you guys break up to begin with? If you were wondering why he contacted you than ask! Simple, I'd be like" I am ok, thanks. Is there a reason you sent me that screenshot, and contacting me?". If he says oh to check on you. You can text "ok, thanks mission accomplished." Ttyl." Or something you know how to handle him. If he throws you bread crumbs, through him cereal. Lol! If he's not working, than your not working. He's the man, let him work for you.

Shaynuh 07/12/2017

I explained why we broke up in previous posts. I don't want to contact him because I don't want to either be ignored or told he's just checking up on me.
But I agree, he would have to work for me. And I'm not entirely sure I'd ever even entertain talking to him again, but him contacting me has put him back in my mind where he hasn't really been much in the past few weeks...

prplcarn 07/12/2017

i can't speak to your situation, because i'm not going through it. I have been through what you are explaining. My ex continues to contact me. in weird ways just as above. I've learned that it is just to make him feel good if i respond. I don't anymore but when i did , it always just makes me feel crazy. Which is what he wanted. I'm learning very slowly, how much i romanticized the relationship and make excuses for him and his behavior. Bottom line, taken me a long time to understand, is I deserve so much more. So do you. Manipulation is the name of their game.

Spr167 07/12/2017

Definitely understand your situation. I have an ex like him. Contacts me every month and if I don't respond, everyday! I told him last week that I'm in a relationship and he doesn't have to check on me ( I've told him this three times this year) NOT to check on me. He in a few words basically said "No, I'm not going to stop contacting you, so aspect it"! I used to feel trapped and at one point really low. He does the same ignore me too but I better never ignore him. He'll push for a response. BUT I decided, I don't care and I'm not going to reck my brain or myself over him and try to move forward in a new relationship.

TeCHer 07/13/2017

Silence is powerful.

ddjones27 07/18/2017

Here's a guys perspective shay.

I myself do a lot of stupid corny things, so I think that I might have some insight without knowing him what he might have been thinking in terms of the couch.
Okay, I'm surfing the web and I come across this couch that looks exactly like yours and I think to myself hey wow that's kind of funny. So I take a picture of it and I snap it to you and all along thinking to myself, that couch reminds me of her and us so I will send it to her to let her know that I'm thinking of her.

Now again, I do not know him and I do not know how he thinks but some of us men do some pretty stupid things to try to show you girls that we care and are thinking of you.
Sometimes a flower is just a flower.

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