I think you have legitimate concerns, and that you need to be super self-protective now. In terms of these candidates, go very slowly and drive regulation. Date, but don't get into a relationship yet. I don't think you are ready, but, hey, if you want to have gentlemen callers and if these gentlemen want to wine and dine you, why not???

Keep taking good care of yourself.

Love is something we feel. Trust is something we give. It's so unfair when someone we love doesn't value that gift.

I think you will find faith in humanity again, and learn to trust...when you're ready.

I know that I am steering way clear of the dating arena until my faith is completely restored. Otherwise I'll just make a complete mess of things.

Hugs to you.

I doubt your ex screwed you up for good. He hurt you badly, but you can recover.

NEKAJ gave you some good advice in a roundabout way. So long as you do have trust issues, it's probably best not to date. I can tell you how it feels from the other side. That is someone who gave himself to another, heart, mind, body and soul and was doubted every step of the way because of my partner's trust issues from her divorce and then breakup with a long-term boyfriend.

It was horrible, and not only ended the relationship but destroyed a friendship that went back 3 years before we started dating.

So I would say just do what you need to do for you. Become comfortable with yourself again. Rediscover you first before you try to discover someone else. The time and effort will be worth it.

I agree. If you know you have issues I suggest you don't date or look for a partner right now. There is a really good chance by trying to find one it will only reinforce your views. At least that has been my experience.

I agree with all the other replies. I am newly separated and therefore not in your position, but I know in my heart that it will be a long time, if ever, before Icould contemplate a new relationship. That may change over time, of course, but in your position I think I would listen to my own ambivalence and draw some boundaries that made me feel emotionally safe.

Thanks to all of you for your words. You are right. I have serious trust issues and then I do the comparison thing too which is not fair to the other guys. I have to know in my heart i lived an illusion. My ex portrayed himself to be someone he truly was not and i fell in love with that illusion he made me believe. All along it was not him inside. He lived a lie and I lived it with him. Yet I hate being alone. I think more if i am alone.

Nekaj, what a refreshingly honest answer! My applause to you!

RBSingle, never ever give one man that much power of your heart and your mind. Why is God not your sustainer of strength....your husband is just a man, flawed and imperfect. He is just in a midlife crisis, they always go through this grass is greener thing; and pastors need to be admire, she's probably feeding him bullshit to stroke his ego. My ex was a "pretend pastor" and I say pretend because he was so full of shit his breath smelled like doo-doo...LOL.

Your ex can only screw up your life if you allow him...the power lies in you. And it's unfair to lump all men into one category because you had one bad apple. Why punish all for one, you wouldn't want a man to do that to you. Besides, relax, learn to date again, be discerning...be in tune with your intution; you spirit will reveal to you if he's a wolf in sheep's clothing, but geesh don't label him bad just because one was; you could have a diamond right before you that you're labeling a cubic zirconia because of one bad decision.

Count your blessings, you are free from a man who has left his wife for a past lover; don't think that bodes well with God. Scripture says he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord...his action have put him out of God's favor.

And now TRUST YOURSELF WITH YOUR LIFE AND GOD...never put that much power in a man's hands. Bible says don't put all your faith in man, as they will let you down. He's human...sometimes marriage sticks and sometimes it doesn't, but life is still going on...so get out there and live it, and JUST DATE...you don't have to settle into another relationship; meet men.