Hi Pinkrose28
Wow so proud of you for getting rid of things! It has been a month and a day since I found out about the OW and a month since he left and I have not seen him! How long until we are not consumed by it all!!! I have all the steps up to and finishing the divorce. We barely started that. Then all the healing after that!!!! I have the impulses you are talking about I hate it! I wish I had answers but I don't!

I wish that I could be as strong as you. Ive been split with my ex for 6 months now and the longest we've gone without talking is maybe 2 weeks...

Good for you for not replying and shutting your phone off! I wish I could tell you an exact timeline for how long it takes, but I think how long it takes depends on how focused you are on getting back to your normal self and how hard you work at it. I fight the urge all the time to just check his facebook or text to see how its going. I actually deleted my account so the urge wouldn't be there. The odd time I do check in with him it almost never makes me feel good, and I end up looking like a sad pathetic girl that cant move on. Stay strong! Everyday you don't talk to him is a day longer you've been strong! You deserve someone that knows he wants to be with you and that always makes you feel good about yourself and treats you with respect. You'll find someone that wont keep hurting you with false hopes. You sound like a strong person, have faith that everything will be ok with time. It will get better and the urges will get less and less until one day you realize its been awhile since you've even thought about him!!

All the best!

Hey thanks!
I will say that I had to shut my cell phone off and keep it off in order to actually not give in to that temptation of texting or calling. Its pretty sad that I have had to resort to basically going about my days recently without a phone because of this person. its really only been a few days since iv spoken to him and the thought of this turning into a month or 2 months or 6 months seems so impossible. I try to do other things be happy but I feel he is always in the back of my mind no matter what I do. If im cooking dinner or watching tv hes still in the back of my mind. I think the worst thoughts are the ones wondering who he is seeing or meeting. I made the mistake of creating a fake dating website account because he and I met on this site and I wanted to see if he reactivated that account and he has. He is on it frequently so just wondering who he's messaging and the women who may be sending him messages drives me crazy. I have made sure to NEVER go back on that dating site to see what he's doing or if he is on anymore because im not sure I an even look at his picture at this point . This may sound horrible but I hope he never finds love and ends up alone. bitter? maybe but the thought of him being happy and enjoying life feels unfair at the moment!

I am finding I am almost happier without a phone! My ex is still always in the back of my mind. I am constantly wondering what he is doing and who he is with, but I am pretty sure he isnt thinking about me this much so why should I give my time to someone who is not giving me theirs!! I found out he had a new girlfriend, from facebook snooping 3 months ago when we were still talking and trying to work it out and I felt like I had been cheated on in a way even though we werent together (boy did I go off the deep end!!). I started checking her facebook and accidentally added one of her best friends which resulted in me being laughed at and called a creep by her and the new gf (real mature of them :/) but i learned my lesson. All it did was cause me pain so why was I doing it?? I honestly dont know! Stay away from checking his stuff all it does is cause you harm and set back your progress. After I found out about the new gf I logged onto his account and seen the messages that he was sending her in november (when we were still trying to decide if we wanted to work it out!). He was being so flirty with her and I actually almost vomited it made me feel so bad. That was the point I realized that I had turned into some crazy stalker version of myself and that things needed to change!

Its totally normal for you to feel bitter, I sure feel bitter. But, it helps when I think of what this new girl will have to put up with. Oh and did I mention he keeps texting me and saying he is in love with me.. this poor girl he is with!

Im sure you've heard it before but keep yourself busy. I joined a gym, am throwing myself into work and school, seeing friends I didnt see as much, and am trying to get out of my comfort zone and try new things!

Why is it when we are the most depressed we want to stay alone in the house? sad, alone , and sitting around? THAT MAKES IT WORSE!!! lol your right I should be seeing friends and doing things to be more active. I keep making excuses to not see friends or do anything with them. I feel like even taking the effort to sit through a dinner or get drinks with my friends seems so difficult. I have become so distant from everyone and THAT is the worst thing you can do. OF course it feeds into the sadness. I live in a small town in Connecticut there isn't a ton going on around here. What are some activities or things I could try?

It's true, when I'm depressed I don't want to do anything and I end up sitting around and start feeling sorry for myself.. Which doesn't help at all! I am from a rural area so it's a bit harder for me to get to town but I try to make the effort to see my friends. I got them to help me and we started a thing that whenever I say anything bad about my ex or something not positive I pay .25 cents.. It actually helps lol. I am not sure what you could do for activities, I'm starting to volunteer (which makes me feel good and helps me meet people), you could join some type of club or organization, or make a point of having a girls night once a month! I personally love the gym, such a healthy way to release stress. I signed up and am running a 10k with a friend in June, and not will he loose it when he finds out its with a guy friend! I'm just trying to do things I would have never done before and am making a point of being more social!

1 1/2 years post separation

3 weeks I think is the longest No Contact

I think about her every day...morning to night...is always there...after 20 years hard to not be

BUT..one thing that really helped was I started saying YES to every social invite