Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am having a hard time trying understand how it is people can walk away from someone who gave so much to them?? I'm not tooting my horn I have my faults just like everyone but how can someone just walk away from somebody who gave everything and asks or receives so little in return?? That is one of the hardest things that I am dealing with. Maybe the grass realy is greener.
The pain amd heartache they leave behind is so real!
I can so relate to your confusion and pain
I don't understand why he won't talk with me. I don't understand why he runs away rather than be willing to work things out with me.. I don't understand why he continues to lie. I don't understand how all the good times between us can be forgotten. I don't understand how I still love him. I could go on, because there is still so much that I don't understand.
I am not sure that this is going to be anything that I will get closure on. In fact, I am sure that I won't.
I just know that things are toxic in our relationship and somehow I have to grieve, move on, and build a new life. It hurts, I am depressed, and it is making me physically sick. But everyone says, it will get better. For now, I focus on my daughter, on my career, and everything else that is going well in my life.
Hang in there.
I also think that we all, at one time or another, have at least wondered if the grass is greener somewhere else. But, life is what we make of it and there is really no such thing as the grass being greener someplace else. That's because unless we do our own work, once we get to the new pasture, we'll find that it's no better and maybe even worse than the pasture we just left.
What has helped me was to learn to focus on ME. I wasted three years wondering why he did what he did and complaining about it. All that did was add to MY suffering. Once took my power back by working on healing myself and looking at my part in the marriage, and yes, its demise, I found that by focusing on me, it was easier to start the healing process. And, by working on myself and my issues, I find that I'm less attracted to people like the ex.
It's a gradual process, but as time goes on, it will matter less and less if you focus on yourself and your healing. Something that will really help anyone who wants to shift their focus away from the ex is a daily gratitude journal. Write down at least 3 things every day in a notebook small enough to fit in a pocket or purse. Try not to repeat anything for at least a week.
The shift happens when it dawns on us that what we focus on expands. So as long as we are focusing on the ex, we aren't seeing all the good in our lives. And as long as we're focusing on the negative, guess what we're gonna keep seeing, whether we intend to or not?
Try it for at least a month. If you miss a day, start over the next. I started and stopped probably 50 times. And there were days I couldn't think of anything except that I woke up that morning and there were times I couldn't even be thankful for that. But I kept on and it really does work!
~healing hugs~
In the end you just have to remember you did the best you could but they did not . I don't really focus on why anymore and it's only been 4 months for me , I focus on the fact that he is abandoning me , he is no good for whatever reason he decided it was better to leave his wife and child for.
just focus on taking care of yourself and do what you need to do to survive. I do understand your feelings though, because I had them .
Hang in there, I'm here if you need to chat anytime....
That they stop loving you
they stop liking you
they want different and don't care how much they hurt you
The brain has changed them into a different person than the one who loved us
and for her the grass was/is greener in that once she used up in you what she wanted she moved on to use up someone else
My Ex always said that I made her want to be a better person
I guess she never succeeded
But, I know in my case, I've figured out in the past 2 years since my H (now EX) affairs that I am somewhat of an enabler. I am pretty go-with-the-flow in relationships, I gave and gave to him, I felt if I could make sure he was happy, we'd both be happy. Well, he's a narcissistic alcoholic, and turns out people like him seek out people like me. So, in some cases, it is because people who are users, selfish, entitled, etc seek out partners who are givers, because it plays well to their need to be taken care of and adored.
And then when they want/need even more, they walk away. Because they are takers. And they move onto someone else who is also a giver, because they think they are entitled to that. They don't intend to stay, because they are users. And no amount of giving on our part will ever be enough to get someone like that to stay.
It's amazing how many people on here share a similar experience - we cared and did above and beyond for our ex, whilst they took and took, essentially neglecting us for their own benefit.
The article I posted above may help anyone in this situation. My ex definitely had narcissistic tendencies and don't know if he even realised it. At the end of the day, they are interested in self serving and the rest doesn't really matter. We are just fallout.