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Handling mutual friends post break up

nic9207
nic9207

Hey everyone,



So my ex-partner of 3 1/2 years broke up with me just after new years.  During our relationship I became really close with two of her friends to the point where they considered me one of their best mates. After the break up I sent them a message saying I would still really like to be their friend despite the akward situation at the moment. They said they would always be my friend and wanted to stay friends as well.

Recently I have noticed that when I hang out with them they are weird and I feel as though I am a burden / the odd one out.


They no longer invite me to thing we would usually all go to in the past. I am starting to feel really rejected and I don't know how to handle the situation.


Is it best to let go of this people or is it worth having a conversation with them to determine if they actually want to remain friends?

The break up its self has been really hard (it ended as amicable as a break up can) but this situation with these friends that I really care for is adding a whole extra of layer of hurt and has left me feeling very isolated. I know things change with break ups but these people literally know everything about me, have been there for me during really hard times but now I feel like I am just the elephant in the room.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Sit down and have an honest conversation with them. Tell them how you feel. But do not talk bad about your ex. Do not talk bad about anything. Just leave any negative comments out. Break up are hard for everyone and usually takes time to adjust.
movingon2016
movingon2016
I think all relationships have a transitional period. I say take it as it is for right now. In time it will either get better or you will move on. I went through the same thing and with some of the friends we just stopped. With other friends we stopped for a while and then it resumed. The way I see it is that some friendships were just not worth it for me or for them. I made new friends and am enjoying my life. If we reconnect again later...great...if not, then i'm also good.

Hope things get better with you. Hugs.
Marna
Marna
Im kinda going thru something very similar. Only it’s an entire town! I told my friends that I would never expect them to choose side. In your case, I think the problem is that they can’t invite you if she’s going to be there. I have that issue going on with two of my very close family members. Like i had a cousin from my dads side dating a cousin from my moms side.! I love them both dearly and typically they would both be with me when I go out. But now I can’t have them around each other. It makes it super awkward for me too! I would talk to them about it. I try to make separate dates with them so that I’m not looking like I’m choosing one over the other. They also may be feeling like they are betraying your ex. Just talk to them and tell them how you’re feeling. If nothing else at least you will get it off your chest.
HopeandMoreHope
HopeandMoreHope
Of course this is hard! And sorry about the relationship ending; you were together a long time, not easy. When relationships separate, there is always a separation beyond your partner. Other relationships with family and friends suffer as well so there is a lot of pain and hurt going on. It takes time to heal. I agree that it might be worth having an honest conversation with your two friends and see how they are feeling about things. It is best to be truthful with each other to avoid further feelings of hurt and alienation. Some people think they are capable of continuing the friendship because they really do care about you...but in time, they struggle because they feel pulled and uncomfortable. It is not so much about YOU as it is about the circumstances. I am sure they still feel deep affection for you. In the meanwhile. consider joining some new circles whether that be a gym, book club, hiking club...whatever works for you....and develop new relationships. Other friends may also have new friends to introduce you to. Be open to new possibilities as you walk through this time of adjustment and yes, grieving. I wish you well.
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