Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I had to call the wife about some financial stuff today. I am not really happy about that. I didn't want to call her but I had to. It was an interesting conversation but speaking with her weakens me.
I proposed an idea to her today. I offered to come by the house for a day and help her work on a project. I said that I would pay for the materials but the key was we had to do the project together. She could set rules and boundries on stuff we talked about.
Just a slight background....The house that my wife and I lived in was built in 1858 and was in her family for a while. I am not living there and you guys know the whole story why so I won't go into that.
Anyway, my wife replied to that and said that she doesn't want to see me right now and we need to live our lives separate. She is not ready to try to work on things now. She doesn't want to see me because all we do is argue (which I don't think is true).
It is wierd because she isn't ruling out working out things but she keeps talking about living separate. She doesn't want to divorce yet but she isn't wanting to work on things. She said that I never did anything wrong, we are just different people and our personalities don't match. I told her that she must have loved me to marry me and she said that she thought that she could live with me but now she can't stand it.
My responce to her not saying if we could work on things or not was that I was going to be a trailer and be pulled around behind her for a long time. I told her that she needs to make up her mind and be honest with me.
She answered that by saying that she just doesn't know but she wants to live separate for a while.
This whole thing is so confusing and wierd.
I proposed an idea to her today. I offered to come by the house for a day and help her work on a project. I said that I would pay for the materials but the key was we had to do the project together. She could set rules and boundries on stuff we talked about.
Just a slight background....The house that my wife and I lived in was built in 1858 and was in her family for a while. I am not living there and you guys know the whole story why so I won't go into that.
Anyway, my wife replied to that and said that she doesn't want to see me right now and we need to live our lives separate. She is not ready to try to work on things now. She doesn't want to see me because all we do is argue (which I don't think is true).
It is wierd because she isn't ruling out working out things but she keeps talking about living separate. She doesn't want to divorce yet but she isn't wanting to work on things. She said that I never did anything wrong, we are just different people and our personalities don't match. I told her that she must have loved me to marry me and she said that she thought that she could live with me but now she can't stand it.
My responce to her not saying if we could work on things or not was that I was going to be a trailer and be pulled around behind her for a long time. I told her that she needs to make up her mind and be honest with me.
She answered that by saying that she just doesn't know but she wants to live separate for a while.
This whole thing is so confusing and wierd.
All things considered...just sucks to be me
I have to have the stbx re-side our house in July. It will set us both back in our healing by having that much contact. But I can't afford to pay someone and he can do the work. IF he shows up. Chicken shit has always been afraid to face up to what he's done. He said on one occasion that he was afraid I'd get "violent". That's because his actions have caused me to be angry and let him know it. I'm such a peaceful, pacifistic kind of person that that kind of thinking is ridiculous. And yet he's tried strangling me a few times in the past when he blew up. Go figure. I'm telling you, he's crazy. But I digress....
Many of us are in this same boat. So does it suck to be us?
It could be worse, we could be THEM!
She did make it a point that she isn't interested in seeing other people. I thought that was strange.
I still wonder if she wants me to go along behind for the wagon ride while she finds out what she wants in life, mean time I am getting older and older and it will get too late to re-start another family.
Whenever I try to bring up something positive she shoots back with something negative. The whole thing is like she is try to talk herself into this. All she thinks of is negative stuff. I am sorry, but you can spend all day looking for negative things you will definately find them, why not use that energy positively and look for good things.
Maybe she just feels like I was a big mistake at this point in her life.
She also has a serious case of denial because I am blamed for everything. She takes very little responsibility for this.
You're young enough that you'll find someone else soon, if that's what you want. She's not the only fish in the sea. Wouldn't you rather have someone who loves you the way that you love them?
Why are you letting her call the shots? Is this really what you deserve? Stop playing the victim and take control of your life. You sound a lot like me in that you'll go along with anything because you want that chance, but in reality, if she cared about your feelings, she'd be there with you.
I hated hearing this, but it did make me realize that my wants and needs are just as important as hers. I haven't lifted a finger to help her, pulled my balls out of her purse, and started living for me. Its a hard step to take, but if you are going to heal, you have to take this step.
Good luck!
Your situation is a delicate balancing act. She is setting boundaries for herself which is a good thing. However, you have to set your own. Decide for yourself how much time you want to give her to "figure things out". Be honest with yourself and true to what YOU need. You can't wait forever...I understand this. I was stuck in a cycle of waiting and waiting for my husband to get the help he needed in our marraige and I should have set boundaries and time limits for myself. Its an agonizing choice to do that, but its nessary. I'm sorry this is happening...