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Had dinner with my ex tonight

BrooklynnMB
BrooklynnMB
I am trying very hard to win my ex back and earn his trust. I left him 6 months ago and I know it will be hard for him to let the walls.

So I'm giving him space and time. We get to spend some time together, and while it means the world to me it is still hard.

Tonight, he came over and I made him a very nice dinner. We had a very nice time. I gave him a belated Valentine's Day card and wrote a little note in it. In the note I said I will give him time.

So here is my dilemma, even though I know that tonight was a really good thing and we had a really good time I can't totally enjoy it.

I was fighting back tears all night. I did not let him see it though. I know if I want him back I have to show him that I am still the person that he fell in love with. The fun, easy go lucky person he loves. It's just that I don't know if he will take me back, and while he is showing very good signs, I still don't know. So I need to give him time, but it is really hard not knowing. It is hard to be fun and easy go lucky when I'm so unsure if this is going to be long term or not.

I know I should be thankful for the time we have with each other. But there is a part of me that just doesn't know how long I can go not knowing if we have a chance. Feeling torn. He needs time.
tammib
tammib
I am sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate. I broke up with my boyfriend because he was smothering me and very clingy. After I got some much needed space, I wanted him back in the worst way. He was dating another chick and we all worked together and were on a softball team. It was so hard seeing him with her. He broke up with her so he could try to get me back. Well it worked. We were together 13 years and split 2.5 months ago.

Back to your post, sorry I hijacked it with my story. Generally speaking, it isn't good to disguise your emotions in a relationship. If you want to be that fun person you used to be, I think the best approach would be to become that person rather than pretending to be her. You will get your happiness back as you heal. I know it sucks, but the pain from being in limbo made me appreciate him a 1,000% more. Life has its ups and downs. If he doesn't want to be with you when you are feeling down, he is not Mr. Right. Why did you break up with him anyway?

Tammi
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
I agree with Tammi. As hard as it is to turn around from a hurtful event and be that person, the best medicine is to do it. Continue to be who you are and want to be.

Stay strong
BrooklynnMB
BrooklynnMB
I broke up with him because I was having some doubts. I thought I needed more adventure and wanted to move out of the area. Now I know that I don't want those things.

Last night we spent the night at a bed and breakfast together. It was a great time and he said he can possibly see us long term in the future. Ok, that is great, so why am I still sad? I still don't know for sure. We are still in limbo, I want to know now so bad if he will take me back, but like I said he needs time. This is so hard.
BrooklynnMB
BrooklynnMB
When I said I still don't know for sure I meant I still don't know for sure if he will take me back.
AurorasHope
AurorasHope
You're sad b/c as much as you two are in contact and spending time together, its not exactly how YOU want it all to be. Yet. Give time, time as you have been. He's not running. He's around. You two are spending time together and that has to be enough for right now. And life is all about not knowing...just comes with the territory. Just breathe, and enjoy what you have just for today.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
agree with #5. He is around, trying... may not be exactly how you see someone working through it or how you would do things, but he is there and yous had a good night. I would actually just enjoy that time instead of coating it with unkowns and bad vibes. That may lead you where you don't want to go.
milliejay
milliejay
#7 I agree with most but I'll add this - be careful and guard your feelings - men often times have no problem accepting sex and dinner and our time, not saying that is his case but in many cases if we cater to them they will take that and not see a need to define the situation. If you can deal with that and it doesn't make you upset, go for it and have fun. But something tells me you are not cut for that. Wishing you the best.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
You just have to be patient--after all, you broke up with him. He is simply protecting himself from more hurt, so he is likely going to take it slow for a while.

I think the fact that he came over for dinner and spent time with you is a positive sign, but just remember that he has to return when he is ready, not when you are ready.

Good luck.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
really good points milliejay... so true... most will take what is given to them...
brandnewkindofme
brandnewkindofme
I agree with millie in that if they have all the benefits of having a relationship without having to commit to anything, most times they will take what is offered for as long as it is offered. The really bad part is if it doesn't work it it seriously prolongs your healing while they get a sort of gradual withdrawal. I don't know if you get what I mean. I know you have to try but maybe spending nights together should be avoided until you have some clear sense of the direction it is going. I truly wish you the best. (((((( hugs)))))
milliejay
milliejay
#10 - that was exactly what I saw here - she's playing w/fire here. I get that she broke up w/him but she might want to go slow w/the situation. Sexing him is just going to keep him around but why would he feel the need to clear anything up. What man is going to push away a woman who's cooking romantic dinners for him and giving him desert (SEX). You might want to just stay friends w/him w/o benefits until he decides if he wants you back. JMO
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
#11 true statement..

what man will turn away someone who will do sexting quickly esp. with no commitment. Throw in the romantic dinner, that is just a bonus if she does cook.

Please take care of your heart.
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
It seems to me you fear the rejection and the object is ti sooth your fear so you ask yourself couple of questions. What am I willing to put in to prove my place in this relationship? How invested do I believe him to be in taking it seriously and what will I do if I find myself rejected despite my best efforts? Because to me its all about fear of rejection so you are making yourself more available because of guilt. Just be yourself and treat it like you want to get to know for sure if he has what you are looking for that you believed was missing in the first place.