Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Good evening,
Yesterday I received some devastating news. I found out my fiance had a child with another woman. The other woman was a friend of ours whom I'd fallen out of touch with due to the usual, life. My now ex fiance had been together for over 10 years the past 2 and a half years have been off and on. During one of our off periods in 2018 he hooked up with our friend. She got preg and decided to keep it, although he told her he didn't want her to have it (she said she was on bc & condom broke). BUT I never knew about them hooking up or the baby being born. I also didn't know that he had signed the birth certificate and was paying her child support. Until yesterday when I was chastised by someone for keeping my fiance from seeing his son. That I had no idea about, none.
Sounds complicated asf, right?!
Here's some more deets:
We split in 2016 due to him cheating and I found out on social media via a Facebook message. I moved out into my own place and was done.He begged and pleaded for my forgiveness. We did some work on our relationship and things seemed to improve in late 2017 when I agreed to take him back. Starting in March 2018, he stopped making an effort to see me. And in late April - June we were not together. We ended up working things out and things improved, somewhat. Since June 2018, things have been a mess. He dragged his feet on seeing me or even moving in with me. He would tell me to wait on him to be ready to move in, but would make excuses. He wouldn't do anything with me, not even for my Birthday, just more excuses. I told him in October 2019 that I felt like we were in a long distance relationship when he lived across town. Yeah, we chatted and talked on the phone 24/7. But I never got physical effort from him, only excuses due to work and illness.
Wheeeew- I feel better.
I'm for certain done with the relationship. I'm just struggling with the loneliness. I've been surrounding myself with my friends and family. But when I'm home alone at night when I would be talking or chatting with him. I find myself wanting to talk to him BUT THEN I DON'T. I know I've been technically alone for awhile but I miss him and talking to him. But he hasn't texted or called me either. So that says something there. Let me be clear, I don't want to be with him but I miss him kinda.
Thank you for reading, this felt good.
People are creators of habit. You are in the habit of texting and talking with him and I believe that is what you miss. The activity of interacting with someone, but not necessarily him.
I suggest you create a new habit healthy that you can look forward to doing. Walking, reading, going to the gym, etc.
Good luck.
I focused on my anger towards him the first few years in order to stay away. I HAD to focus on the negative, in order to see that 80% shitty behavior wasn't worth the 20% happy times.
But now...I'm not as angry...and I will be honest and say I miss the good about him. That's what makes me tear up sometimes before bed...and maybe drop a tear a two looking an old email or photo.
I think I will always feel this way 10 years from now and probably 30 years from now. With a new partner or not.
Some of us love with our entire heart and soul...and it really hurts when it doesn't get the same respect and level of care that we gifted them.
Don't be ashamed of your love...it was real...and in the universal aspect of things...it was beautiful.
Honor it and know it's ok to be lonely and missing him. Takes strength to stay away from someone who we use to love. But takes superhuman strength to stay away from someone we still love, but has hurt us deeply.
Sending you light and love, and a lots of compassion. :)