OMG I'm dealing with the same exact thing! I'm curious what other people will say. I did this "head vs. heart vs. gut" test thing and it told me to stay with my ex. But I still don't know if that's right? Then I read a book called "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" and the author says to always go with your head. I'm so confused!

Well look for red flags honestly and stop trying to make them out to be the good guy.

Some People are shit heads and selfish and only worry about their own damn happiness. IF looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck it is a duck!

Be honest with yourselves! Make a list of everything you want in a relationship and then grade everything you write down from most important to least and then compair your list to your Ex. I bet it would shed a new light on them!

I will do that list lost soul that's good advice!

If you are thinking/considering leaving, that should tell you all you really need to know. People that are in healthy and happy relationships don't think about leaving the relationship. The list idea is good, but it also opens the door to staying in a toxic relationship. My advice is don't stay in a relationship where you are unhappy, you only live once (YOLO) and living in a crappy relationship full of stress and anxiety isn't the way to live.

Love is not rational hence the battle of heart vs. head. My heart is telling me something totally different than what my head is telling me. My head is telling me to walk away, to forget, to move on and my heart is whispering to stay.
I'm making that list of qualities!!!

playerapr, we all are fighting that battle. You are not the only one. I've also heard it phrased "lies vs. truth." I struggle daily to seek the truth and not listen to the lies. The heart is very deceptive. I still look at my relationship from a mostly fantasy viewpoint. It was nearly as great as my heart said it was. Just keep seeking the truth of what your relationship was. The list is a great idea. I had to do it and i read it almost daily. There is so great information mentioned here.

The list is a constant reminder of what you truly want Vs what the heart feels your getting. Love is blind and so is the heart. That is why the head and gut feels come into play.

I wish you all the luck in the world my friend!

My gut feeling is never wrong.
My gut feeling works different than yours------ it never tells me to have patience with a situation.
if I am driving a little to fast and I see a car in the distance, my gut has jumped in and told me it is a cop. It hasn't happened for a long time, but my gut was always right.
If I am doing something, sometimes my gut jumps in and tells me to stop, I listen.
Sometimes, when I really don't want to do something that I know I should do, my gut jumps in and tells me "you will be sorry if you don't do that." I have learned to listen to that voice.
I guess a gut feeling, for me, is just like a red flag, it's a warning.

My gut has always been right. There were many times gut instinct has told me something, and I've down played it. I'm overreacting, or being paranoid I would tell myself. Only to find out later it was right all along. If only I had listened earlier I could of saved myself a lot of heartache, misery, and probably years of my life.

I totally ignored my gut when it came to my marriage. I certainly listened in other aspects of my life, but I definitely had selective hearing with my gut when it came to my husband. I am learning to listen now.

http://www.carolthecoach.com/articles/lifeskills/headheartgut.htm

My opinion is your heart goes after what you want, your head thinks about what you need, and your gut reacts strongly to both. In a relationship situation, I think your head wants to protect your heart, and when you're heart starts feeling too strongly vs. what your head thinks may hurt you...then your gut feeling kicks in.

But, if your gut agrees with your heart...better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I'm going through this now. I would say go with the gut feeling...I've been told that and I know it's the right thing to do. I have to have faith the heart will mend itself in time.

I try to do both (head & gut) by doing lots of reading/learning/analyzing.

My advice: check out the book Seven Principles for Making Your Marriage Work by John Gottman. He's a psychologist and researcher famous for being able to predict with very high accuracy whether a couple can recover their relationship or whether it's doomed for failure.

I got this book initially to use as a workbook for my STBX and I to work on our marriage problems. But the first few chapters go into detail about his research and how he can predict failure so accurately. That's when I came to realize that my relationship was already in that terminal stage.

Specifically, when you're fighting with your spouse and your body (&/or his) gets flooded with intense levels of cortisol (fight or flight stress hormone), then your chances of saving this sinking ship are very remote. Couples in heathy (or salvageable) relationships don't 'flood'.

Good luck.

So GoodProvider the fact this person and I are walking on eggshells is that what you mean by being "flooded"?

Id like to just add something here... I dont know what to follow, ive been following my heart, which tends to cloud my head. But be careful when thinking these things out... My wife started making things up in her head, our minds can play some tricks on us at times, so be sure to really be clear when thinking some of these things through.. My wife at one point said to me, I never loved her and I didnt want to marry her... One of the most obsurd things i ever heard from anyone... I am to this day deeply in love with her and would give my life to spend more time with her. She also at one point said You are a great person, a great husband, a great father, your next wife will think im crazy for letting someone so good go.... Is that the heart of head playing tricks? Who lets someone you think is so great go? My list can go on and on... the point is, when deciding something so life altering.. just be sure its with a clear head, we all have a tendacy to make things bigger or smaller then they really may be, and this is not something you want to get wrong... Good luck to you all.