Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I constantly made her feel undervalued. I was loving and caring, supported her studies, moved to another city after she found a job there and so on. But at the same time my childhood traumas expressed themselves all onto her, making her feel like she wasn't good enough for me or even for herself, for life... I didn't just make her feel that way, I often literally told her so. I would criticise what she wanted to drink, what she wanted to eat, the series she saw on TV, the time she spent sleeping... everything. Not violently, just arrogantly.
I trusted the marriage to just hold us together through my insults, and I always "meant them well", by which I mean that I only told her things that would ultimately help her improve, but I said them in a way that could only make her sink further and hate herself. I didn't shout at her or anything, and I certainly was never violent or anything remotely close to that, but I did constantly hurt her for almost a decade.
In the end of course she had enough and finally left me two days ago. I am devastated, and I'm currently living in a city where I don't have a single friend. I'll be going back to the city where we used to live in a couple of months (where I also don't have any friends that are on my side more than hers), and I will have to take all of my stuff out of the house into goodness knows where. I still hold on to wanting to stay in the spare room and maybe she will see that I have genuinely changed (because I really have). I know this only hurts me, she really moved on and gave up on this entirely. She actually told me she believes me that I've truly changed, but that it's too late for her.
Anyhow, I just wanted to write to accept that I was the partner most people here are suffering for. I apologise to all of you, I have no excuse, and however I want to blame this on the things that other people did to me as a child, the fact remains that I hurt the person I loved the most, I oppressed her and made her think she wasn't enough for me. She was, she truly was.
I am having very serious trouble getting to trips with this, moving on, forgiving myself and recovering from this. I believe I ultimately think I don't deserve to.
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
I am indeed seeking professional help. It has only been two days since she took her non-negotiable decision, and I don't know whether I will be fine with online help or person-to-person help. Online has the advantage of being 24/7, which at the time does feel necessary. I think I already estranged a friend on the first day and don't want to lose or hurt any others.
therapist For your issues. Sometimes they are very deeply
imbedded into your psyche And it takes tons of work. HUGS
I am so lost and so sad... I woke up at 03:30 today, even worse than the previous days. I want to think I feel a little less bad, and am beginning to accept it even if distantly, but it is such a struggle to not think she could take me back now that I'm genuinely changing, that she ought to!
Of course she doesn't have to take me back, and I am sure that she won't, but I can't always keep that up, I can't always tell myself that, even though she has been extremely clear that it will never happen, and so have her friends... I feel terrible, really.
past abuse/trauma issues that were making you act
out are going to be hard ones to fix. My ex has some
And i have high hopes for him in AA he can fix himself
And go forward with his own life.
It takes getting in there deep and keep working on them
slowly. Sometimes with a trauma release specialist Involved.
I go to alanon too to help me move thru the muck, Now is
not the time to be shy about seeking help If you want to get
and feel better. I needed to heal my own Wounds and heart.
You are also grieving so give yourself a break, HUGS
It's so hard to give myself a break...
I think I had an undiagnosed case of narcissistic personality disorder. It's such a simple thing and so common that I'm actually angry nobody made me go to therapy as a kid. I'm angry at my teachers who spotted it and told me but didn't push my parents to take me, I'm angry at my parents for confusing my narcissism with "drive", and I'm even angry at my now ex-wife for not asking to go to therapy before she decided to divorce me three days ago. I'm so so so angry at all of them, which is my way of saying I am angry at myself and disappointed that I was unable to see what was going on, that my narcissism itself made it impossible for me to accept that I had a problem that I couldn't solve on my own... if only I had realised this 10 years ago, a year ago, even 6 months ago... if only I could turn back time, and if only so many things that don't help now but make me feel so so very sad...
I know I need to own this and move on, but it's breaking me right now and making it impossible for me to move on as I need to. I know it's only been three days, but I feel so devastated...
I hope you can find your peace very soon. Hugs, @mirandac, thank you for being here for me.
PD narc, my ex and his mother have traits.
I really do have hopes for my ex to get better
And face himself and his demons. We were Both
codependents with old issues that ended up
playing out in the long run.
He also has old addiction Issues, he drank to cope.
He was dry our whole Marriage it still takes way more
than stop drinking alone to heal those old wounds.
I have my issues too from My own upbringing. HUGS
I wish you all the best, and I hope that soon you are free from the pain and consequences of those old wounds. Take the good things from them and move towards the person you deserve to be.
Hugs!
One thats for sure. PD narcs can not be honest about
Themselves so most of the time therapy does not go
well. I hope you only have traits and old wounds.
Most active addicts are codependents that act out with
narc Traits in selfish and self centered ways. They are not
PD narcs. Its a whole different setup, it is two codependents
one An offender and one a victim often in that type of Dynamics.
12 step groups address those types of issues very well.
It takes professionals to do the diagnose of you and i am far From
That good luck, HUGS
What you said was HUGE. Please give yourself lots of credit for acknowledging that!!
I just want to jump into the ocean and swim behind it, knowing that I will drown, and I really don't care.