I constantly made her feel undervalued. I was loving and caring, supported her studies, moved to another city after she found a job there and so on. But at the same time my childhood traumas expressed themselves all onto her, making her feel like she wasn't good enough for me or even for herself, for life... I didn't just make her feel that way, I often literally told her so. I would criticise what she wanted to drink, what she wanted to eat, the series she saw on TV, the time she spent sleeping... everything. Not violently, just arrogantly.
I trusted the marriage to just hold us together through my insults, and I always "meant them well", by which I mean that I only told her things that would ultimately help her improve, but I said them in a way that could only make her sink further and hate herself. I didn't shout at her or anything, and I certainly was never violent or anything remotely close to that, but I did constantly hurt her for almost a decade.
In the end of course she had enough and finally left me two days ago. I am devastated, and I'm currently living in a city where I don't have a single friend. I'll be going back to the city where we used to live in a couple of months (where I also don't have any friends that are on my side more than hers), and I will have to take all of my stuff out of the house into goodness knows where. I still hold on to wanting to stay in the spare room and maybe she will see that I have genuinely changed (because I really have). I know this only hurts me, she really moved on and gave up on this entirely. She actually told me she believes me that I've truly changed, but that it's too late for her.
Anyhow, I just wanted to write to accept that I was the partner most people here are suffering for. I apologise to all of you, I have no excuse, and however I want to blame this on the things that other people did to me as a child, the fact remains that I hurt the person I loved the most, I oppressed her and made her think she wasn't enough for me. She was, she truly was.
I am having very serious trouble getting to trips with this, moving on, forgiving myself and recovering from this. I believe I ultimately think I don't deserve to.
Me and a friend who lives reasonably far away had been texting for a while and where trying to agree to meet up. It never materialised because each proposed date one of us couldn't make. We finally agreed to meet on facetime, but she never facetimed me that day and never even explained why. I was getting annoyed and that last thing really pissed me off so I deleted her from my phone (only method...
Organic My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."