Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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aditi1974 10/20/2011

I came across an old word- file in which my daughter--who was beginning to sense whats going on--has written in bright coloured font: "My family will be happy" : it breaks my heart . This shouldnt have had happened to her--more than myself, I am feeling awful for her.

When I overheard my stbx talking to this woman in a romantic manner confirming my suspicions, I walked out with my daughter. Before walking out of my house, my stbx told me not to tell anybody about this; not to make a big issue of this and he'd wait for my trust to come back. But I still walked away : at that time I didnt consider that my walking away, I was jeopardizing my daughter's life too. I have tried to free myself of this guilt--the stbx blames me for letting this 'small thing' he had with this woman into something so big by walking away. I thought, he would come after me when I walked away--he didn't.

I try to let go of my guilt by reminding myself that I have apologized to him 100 of times and even begged him, etc, etc. It didnt work and now he and this woman have been having a relationship for 5 years.

Seeing these words written by my daughter brought back the guilt again. I am so sorry baby..I didnt mean this to happen.

loftyc 10/20/2011

We can't fix others actions hun. It is the cruelest thing for a mother to have to face her child hurting when she can't fix it. Hence the guilt. It wasn't you playing outside of the marriage so his guilt.

deleted_user 10/20/2011

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and for quite awhile I prayed every night for them to get back together. Thank God they didn't. Because if they would have, I wouldn't have my half-brother and half-sister. I wouldn't have my step-mom either. I think its natural for all kids to want their parents to stay together because its what they have known. I don't believe in staying together for the kids. I think that teaches kids that its okay to have an unhealthy relationship and then they will grow up and go through the same thing. So good for you for leaving. I think your ex is blaming you just to be a jerk. Your daughter will get through this and you will be able to teach her what a loving and healthy relationship is.

JustASimpleGuy 10/20/2011

aditi,

I think his actions subsequent to you walking out illustrates quite clearly his behavior was a big issue, and not a small thing. Had you stayed, I suspect he would not have changed what he was doing behind your back.

You didn't jeopardize your daughter's life and happiness, he did. As loftyc said, the guilt is his, not yours.

Sending huge cyber-hugs your way.

Misred 10/20/2011

I really can relate to this. I walked out and waited for my EX to come after me but he didn't. He felt I was overreacting to his "friendships" (that's what he referred to them as) and that I was the one with the problem. It made me crazy and in a twisted sick way he could point to me and say "see how crazy she is?" I know my daughter has been having a hard time too, but I made my choice for the same reason Lonely82 pointed out. That I didn't want my D to think what was going on was normal.

Better days are still to come. (((HUGS))))

deleted_user 10/20/2011

My daughter is 7 years old. She will still ask me if Daddy can come home and I have to tell her no. It is very heart breaking but I can't lie to her or give her any false hope. She keeps a notebook in her room. One day I was looking through it. She had the entire notebook filled up, all written in crayon, in her little 7 year old handwriting things like "Daddy, please tell mommy you are sorry so we can be a family" and "I love my family so much" and there were drawings of our house with our family standing around it. I just sat there and cried and cried. I hate that bastard for what he did to us and for the way he made them hurt.

sandysan5743 10/20/2011

YOU didn't do this to your daughter, your husband did. He cheated which caused you to hold your head up high, become a living example to your daughter of self confidence and high self-esteem (which all mothers strive to do) and walk out the door. Your husband should have come RUNNING after you. There is no reason to think that he wouldn't have. If he chose not to, well, that is on him, not you. I, too, kicked my ex out. He left not only me, but his children, his home, his belongings. He never came back again. Of course I feel guilt over the fact that my children no longer have a father, but I feel overwhelming pride in myself for being a strong woman, able to stand up for myself. That is the lesson that I passed onto my children that I cherish.

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