Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi I'm new here and hoping that I'm not facing a breakup but my gut says it's likely.
I realized last night -- or rather I found I couldn't rationalize against the denial anymore -- that the relationship has hit a wall. Spent most of the day crying today -- got to pull myself together before going in to work in a couple hours.
Really felt, still feel like I've found the love of my life -- we've known each other about 25 years and we reconnected 2-1/2 years ago.
I guess part of this is healthy in realizing what I can do, give, offer from my side and what I realize he has to do from his side --either to move forward in the relationship or to change course with as much respect and good will towards each other as when we reconnected.
I love this beautiful, quirky, brilliant guy but within his darker side he can call himself the King of Passive Aggressive. I guess he must be, to realize it but to continue to act out that way. It's a cover against getting too close-- even after knowing each other for so long. And a big lesson to me in setting boundaries. Yeah, if he would only let go, if... , if...
But to be too compliant and try too hard isn't healthy for me.
I'm so sad right now.
I realized last night -- or rather I found I couldn't rationalize against the denial anymore -- that the relationship has hit a wall. Spent most of the day crying today -- got to pull myself together before going in to work in a couple hours.
Really felt, still feel like I've found the love of my life -- we've known each other about 25 years and we reconnected 2-1/2 years ago.
I guess part of this is healthy in realizing what I can do, give, offer from my side and what I realize he has to do from his side --either to move forward in the relationship or to change course with as much respect and good will towards each other as when we reconnected.
I love this beautiful, quirky, brilliant guy but within his darker side he can call himself the King of Passive Aggressive. I guess he must be, to realize it but to continue to act out that way. It's a cover against getting too close-- even after knowing each other for so long. And a big lesson to me in setting boundaries. Yeah, if he would only let go, if... , if...
But to be too compliant and try too hard isn't healthy for me.
I'm so sad right now.
Why do you seem to fear a sit down and full discussion about all this? If he was truly "all that," you would have had a sit down by now.
Many hugs.
I used his issues and his past hurts in his life as excuses for why he wouldn't get close to me, to let himself go, why he played games instead of being direct.
Now I know he was manipulating me, taking advantage of my kindness and understanding.
It sounds like you have to make the same hard decision I did - to let it go. It's sad and disappointing when a relationship ends, even when you know it's not going well. It's okay to be sad about it, but also be proud of yourself for realizing it was not healthy.
Good for you realizing the imbalance, and that you need boundaries.
You are taking the first steps towards better things!
Wishing you comfort and happiness :)
Ask yourself this too...why is he the love of your life? What is it about him that makes it so? Is he really that to you, or are you holding on and leaning into memories of the past that make it seem so? Just food for thought...if he is the one, and you know it, like I know it about the man I love? Then there you have it. It's never over until it's over...so if there is hope, and if he is committed enough to see your side and to hear your concerns, then there is still something to work on and work towards. But if he is going to sit in his own shit, so to speak, and continue behavior patterns that are hurtful and be unwilling to address the issues at hand? Then it may indeed be time to move on and just take care of yourself. Our heart wants what our heart wants and that is a hard thing to separate yourself from....but you don't have to sit in a relationship that is only taking and taking from you....you are deserving of more than that. Take care.