Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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diemjs 04/21/2008

Stbx called, and yes, I answered. I thought he wanted to talk to the kids. And after last night, well, never mind.

Here is my dilema...He tells me there is going to be a fight and its going to get ugly. I told him its already ugly.

Anyways...Here is the story: The seperation agreement says this, word for word:

The parties agree that they shall have joint legal custody of the minor children, and that the children's primary physical residence shall be with Wife and contact with Husband shall be according to the following schedule...

The Divorce papers say this word for word:

That this Honorable Court grant the Plaintiff joint legal and sole physical custody of the minor children of the parties.

This is his problem: Because it says PLAINTIFF on the divorce papers, he is seeing only I get JOINT custody of the kids, plus the sole physical. I say it says the EXACT same thing the seperation agreement says!

He threatens me with a fight and blah, blah blah.

Anybody who knows could you pls help me?

Any other input would be great, too.

I am at my wits end here!

I knew I shouldnt have answered the phone.
Oh, THANK YOU ALL:)

veeachjay 04/21/2008

I don't know anything about this but maybe the wording needs to be changed to align better with the separation agreement. You could be worrying about nothing and I hope you are.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

I know things vary state to state but attorney's have great websites that you can refer to. In NV we share joint legal custody (decision making) and I have primary custody (daughter lives with me) and he has a schedule for visitation. But check with your attorney your x may be reading it wrong.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

If you don't have a lawyer, call one for a free consultation, most divorce lawyers do that. Bring both documents to them and have them explain it to you.

Of course, when I tried to do this, my ex said "Well, I can find a lawyer who'll interpret them MY way." But here's hoping yours is less of an ass than mine...

diemjs 04/21/2008

faerla, i doubt mine is less than an ass than yours! Sounds like you and I could go head to head on the two of them:)

I have a lawyer, but being its late, I didnt want to wait until tomorrow.

I dont think I have hated any one in my life more. ITs a shame, really.

Thanks for the input, friends.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Let him go to his attorney and they will tell him wha tit means. After you are contacted by the lawyer then see yours. Until then don't sweat it.

frstperrygrl 04/21/2008

Ok, after going through one divorce for me, one for stbx, and ours now going though this is what it states. First, if he filed divorce he would be plantiff and you defendent. But looks like you filed for the divorce which makes you plantiff and him the defendent. Up on the top of the paper it should read: Plantiff with your name on it VS defendent with his name. Show him this and that should prove it. They aren't going to state wife when you are no longer his wife. HOpe this helps.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Let him talk to his attorney. It really sounds like he's splitting hairs but it probably doesn't take much at this point. I agree w/ veeachjay, maybe they can change the wording to sound more like the separation agmt. Let his lawyer do it though, not yours.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

I just went through this. All the wording means is this. Sole Physical custody means is that they are to stay with you except when the father has the right to possession. It just means that their "primary" address is with you. That they aren't going one week at your house and one week at his. Joint custody means you all have to make medical decisions together. You can't let the children have surgery unless consulting him first and letting him know what is going on. Hope this helps!

solongbye 04/21/2008

Oh ouch! You mean you aren't living at Disney, crap did you know it?

deleted_user 04/21/2008

I agree with JacJac, let me consult the attorney. The papers are the same except it has you referred to as Plaintiff, uhh duh, you're only "Wife" until the divorce and then he must be taking offense at the word "sole" -- sounds like myd daugther's father. Stupid. anyways, you both can't have JOINT physical custody unless you live in the same house. duh. So you have the SOLE PHYSICAL custody; which means the live with you most of the time. The joint legal custody is like someone said, share decisions, can't move without his permission, major medical, school, etc etc.
Don't stress. He just wants to unnerve you.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

oops, I mean, let HIM consult the attorney. sorry about that.

diemjs 04/21/2008

Thank you all. Just got off the phone with him, that is a WHOLE other story, but this is what HE thinks it means...

Plaintiff seeks joint legal and sole physical.

He reads that to say I am seeking JOINING LEGAL AND PHYSICAL to be SOLE!

I know, what an idiot!

solongbye 04/21/2008

Dang until this post I thought he was a brain surgeon, thanks for bursting my bubble;)

diemjs 04/21/2008

You crack me up solong! And, wait, I think I missed the bus to Disney! Are you there?!?

deleted_user 04/21/2008

He's threatening you. Looks like he doesn't know what he's talking about. Ask your court clerk to clarify for you. Just leave him to wonder. I've never done the separation thing, but I did spend years (many years ago) trying to divorce a jackass. The judge, when it finally came down to it, told him to go off in a room with me and agree with what I'm offering. I know they say 50/50 on custody, but women still do have an edge there (unless other issues are in play). I believe you are correct; separation papers and divorce papers are the same. Again, check with the court clerk's office. They can't give advice but they can tell you there is no difference. Have a glass of when when you're done talking with the clerk's office. Keep your wits, because it WILL smooth out! :)

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