Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

1 Online

Wonderous 06/14/2012

Short of it: in march, husband threw me and our 4yo out for the neighbor. Over 2 months, he was seeing her and fooling around with me. Finally I said give me my dissolution, it's her or me. Well he chose me. Its been about 3 weeks now I've been back with him. She cut off contact with him, we moved to another town, and are falling back into old ways. He claims he kicked me out because we went stale, which I won't necessarily disagree with. But he wouldn't admit for a very long one it was also because of her.
Anyway, now that we're back together, now what? I feel like I can't compete with the happiness she may have brought him. He even emailed me a week before this all went down that he fell out of love with me and was in love with her. How can you say that, then go back to someone your not in love with? I won't lie, I care about him but as days pass I'm second guessing if I'm in love with him myself. He hurt me bad. Can someone re-fall in love with someone? I'm over the past am have found closure from all this, but to look forward is where I'm filled with doubts. We make an awesome team, like yin-yang, we completed each other, but I'm second guessing that I just went back to not be alone an avoid the anger and fights. What do I do?? (I apologize this is all over place, trying to ask via phone)

Wonderous 06/14/2012

The email was right before the dissolution fight, so about 4-5weeks ago.

deleted_user 06/14/2012

If he did some real mental and spiritual work, truly did the work it takes, he could have "fallen" back in love with you. I know because I did that work myself, went through an amazing change and only because God did it, did I move through my anger, offer forgiveness and move to a place where I wholly loved my ex. He, however, said the same thing I love you, not in love with you. He is in MLC and hasn't yet done the real work I am talking about. I don't know if he ever will. Take Care, thinking of you.

deleted_user 06/14/2012

I believe people can fall back in love but I also think it takes time. If it happens quickly (in love, out, in, out, in, etc.) then I would be worried he'll fall out again, have another affair, and then fall back in. The question is staying power and it probably takes something like marriage counseling to really get to the bottom of why things happened. An affair shouldn't be an option even if things are stale or you're mad or you're infatuated with someone else temporarily. That is the big thing you want to get agreement on going forward...

MettaBhavana 06/14/2012

I agree with Bhamguy. I don't think the real problem is this other woman, I think the problem is that when things get tough ("go stale," for example)--his solution is to be unfaithful and develop an infatuation for someone else, rather than work it out with you. That's the problem I would be wanting to address if I were you.

deleted_user 06/14/2012

I did fall back in love with my ex once. I think that if there is mutual trust and you both want to work on this and give it everything you have, go for it. Be careful though... you don't want to wind up cheated on or kicked out again.

deleted_user 06/15/2012

I don't think someone leaves his family for an affair, says a week ago he's not in love with you, then a week later, says he is. The issues of whatever made you "stale" are still there...now you have lack of trust to heap on top of it. Cutting contact and moving are decent steps, but it's not like a new town or house will prevent anything. If the marriage isn't worked through from the inside out, and that requires BOTH of you to be honest about your feelings, etc, then the marriage will fail. Nothing has been resolved between you two at this pt.

hurtinandhealin2560 06/15/2012

I think if you really want this to work, you MUST get marital counseling. Chances are he got scared because there is financial fallout to divorce. He realized he was looking at paying child and possibly spousal support and got spooked.

One poster is right--this issues that caused the relationship to go "stale" are still there. Counseling could help fix this or help you gain clarity as to whether or not you want to stay in the marriage.

Hugs!

Join the Conversation