yes, its been talked about here many times as well as I write lots of letters I don't send.

its good to write things out, then take a step back and re-read it later so to make sure you don't say or do something in haste. Sometimes its even good to NOT re-read what you wrote. Just write it out with no structure or formatting, just get it out then file it away.

I think it's ok to write a letter to try to salvage a relationship or while in a relationship to write a letter to express your feelings. But when going through a break up or after a breakup, its best to not send things immediately after you write it out. More times that not, your words are expressed with too much hate or pain and the point you are trying to make is not clear but seen as more of a blasting of the other person.

I agree with Chi on this one. Hugs

Yeah, but some people deserve a good blasting.

couldn't agree more, Kaw.

There is usually a "right" time and place where you have the opportunity to do that in a constructive way... just have to have patience for it to come.

I've thought of writing such letters many times, but in my state of mind at the time, the letter writing was often followed by the thought of going off and ending my life. I've always been afraid of dying, but the thought of being without my family scares me more. I love my wife and kids more than anything, and I certainly don't want to do anything to hurt them, but sometimes I feel like I'm doing more harm than good to them by being around, especially when my wife says that all our kids' problems are because of me.

I wrote a goodbye letter and then burned it (along with all photos, cards, letters, etc.) For me I did find some peace in doing this.

Twilight, hugs. Your not alone. A lot of us felt that way. Xxxxxxxx

It's actually a pretty constructive exercise as long as you burn it, flush it destroy it or whatever as long as you don't send it. It helps to get it all out and allows you to see it and not just hear it.

It has been my experience that actually writing to your stbx does absolutely nothing for or to them and only hurts yourself. How many of us can actually write a letter and not care at all what kind of response it gets? Can anyone actually write a letter without putting their own expectations into it? If you can, then tell me what the whole point of the letter is. In that case, you would get the same results for yourself if you burned it. You know you want them to feel some kind of guilt or remorse or something but the reality is that more often then not, they will respond indifferently. Although I do agree with Kaw in that some people deserve a good blasting, if you are not completely without feelings for this person, there is a good chance that you will have emotional backlash from it and 'feel' worse than before you wrote the letter. I prefer taking the high road and letting their own self destructive behavior run its course.:)

Right now, the best things to do are the ones which are completely selfish and are good for you. Don't waste time and energy on anyone else. Especially not your ex.

I also believe in the power of ritual so if you are at a point where letting go is very much desired, writing a letter saying goodbye and ritualistically burning it could offer some peace and satisfaction.

Good luck and Hugs

I do that - I write them in journals - not on here because there have been a few times DS wiped out journals, So I made a fake email account where I send letters to myself. I also have an app journal where I write my thoughts..(it's all for my eyes only)

When I've gone back and read them years later I said to myself - what were you thinking?

But at the time it is very constructive to say what you are feeling and thinking. As far as anyone seeing what you wrote - not so constructive.