at times like this when we are tired and it's hard to make good decisions, it is best to consult with our very close level headed friends and family.

sit down with them and let them help you see your options. these are important decisions and their advice will be very good.

good luck and hang in there. you can do this!

I couldn't agree with anyone more. Get support and calm cool thinking from real life people who know and love and care about your best interests. But not only advising you on options, but their morale and emotional support.

I have no friends or family...I am doing this all by myself. My family is not close and I am here with no friends or just aquaintances. I am trying faithful, I just want to lay down now. Fighting for everything has taken it's toll on me. I can't or don't want to do it anymore. *sobs*

I understand how you feel when you say you just want to lay down. I've felt that way many times since my process started. Just lay down and close my eyes and it all goes away right?

Sure would be nice.

But you can do this. You have done so much on your own already. Don't give up now! If you have finally reached the beginning of the legal process, then you are that much closer to the end!

*hugs*

ok. we will give you our best advice. tell us specifically what your problem is and we will give you our best input about your options. then, weight the options in your heart and mind and make your decisions one by one. step by step, we will guide you through this difficult important time.

trust your wisdom. trust your courage. you have what it takes. :)

we believe in you.

Problem is finding a place to live I can afford that doesn't include gunfire. I don't need or care abt stuff....just somewhere safe. He drug his feet in this but is like the cat that ate the mouse. He will never want fir anything. I need to get out if the house plus I am being pressured on another issue. I want the kids full time but he is going to fight me on that. I want to leave the state and that will be difficult. I just wish I had someone just to sit with the kids so I can work on things or have time to do laundry. I haven't slept in weeks which is part of the problem. Meh I feel like I am going round and round and it's so backed up in court it just never ends.

llmt, I know the boat you feel that you are in.. I want to ask you something - Your Ex is telling you what the child support payments will be even though it's going to go to trial? Huh.. so he's a judge now?
Once it goes to trial, you're taking a crap shoot of who's going to get what.
In my trial, there were things that weren't fair, but I ended up with alimony until 2024 - we didn't even ask for alimony. And the child support, even though it was only for 8 mo. (then son turned 18) was above what the state had mandated. I got custody even though the judge said that the father could have reasonable visitation with his son - but he had to find a way to work on the relationship with his son first. (he never did)

And if you are going to trial, the judge will make the decision on visitation also. So don't let him think he knows the law so well.
Every divorce case is different. You stand secure on what you know and what you want. Don't listen to his words. He's just basing them on what he wants. Tell him to save it for court.

PM me any time you want. Don't sell yourself short on anything. You are a good Mom, a good person and don't let him make you feel like crap..
You have been in the house with him all this time, looking at the big picture, what is six more months.... I know it seems like forever when you want out so badly, but it's really not. That day will be here before you know it.

love you my friend. I'll check in with you later.
Me

Can you get the kids to have a sleep over at a friends house sometime over the weekend?

L....I hear you. You know I'm in the same boat with you and we see eye to eye on things. Keep your head up. I had medation this week and it didn't go well at all and IF I decided to go to court (which I don't want to) it would take at least another year to get a court date. So I am in scramble mode myself here. The fighting the limbo it's taken a toll on us no question.

You need to first get some rest and than sit down and evaluate what's worth fighting for. I assume he's made a proposal....well you need to think about what you want and make a proposal yourself. Take things slowly and thinks things through. I know how you say you've thought about giving him the kids....I know that truly isn't an option for you. I know I've thought the same when I was beat down to the ground. So don't make rash decisions first and foremost. Figure out what you want/need and go from there. You can't continue to live with him in the same house....so knowing that you should be concentrating your efforts on coming to terms with a proposal that you feel comfortable with. Your back may be against the wall....and yes you might be on the short end of the stick...but you're not a loser. My back is against the wall no question right now...and I WILL get the short end of the stick possibly, but all we can do is take it and make the best of it. Keep your head up stay positive and realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....here for you L...you know that.

I just wrote a giant message to you. Please read.

You don't need to "settle" for anything he tells you.

And it sounds like your ex is trying to scare you. Knowing what I know about child support and custody arrangement as well as your ex's work situation, I think he can expect to have to write a big check every month for child support. He doesn't get to decide; there is a system setup to decide that for both of you, depending on custody.

It's like a chip bully in poker kiddo. They can afford to raise, call, and put you all in. However, if you have a better hand, they still lose. I have all morning tomorrow if you want to call me. ;)

Hi L,
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope you can find a way to sleep. I think if you do you will feel much better. I know if you do get sleep you can deal with problems a lot better. You then can think clearly and you won't be so confused as to what to do.
Think about what you really want. If you want the kids fight for them. He doesn't get to decide how much money he'll pay for child support. I think a previous poster had it right - he's stating what he wants to have happen.
He knows you're in a bad way right now. He's like a shark smelling blood in the water. He's trying to fill your head with lies and confussion. Talk to a lawyer if you can or legal aid if you can't afford one to find out what is true or false. I know it's a hard place to be in and you won't be here forever. You won't be in this place forever. Sorry I just wanted to make sure that you read that part.
Is it possible for your ex to take your kids for a day or two? You can get some much needed sleep and get some work done uninterupted. I'm sorry if that's a dumb idea. I don't know exactly what's going on. Take the advice if you want or do something else. But know you have friends here. We care about you and want to see you back to happy.
I'm sending you prayers and good thoughts,
Hugs,
John

Problem is I don't want to wait for the courts to decide. It's gone on way too long and I am just willing to make a propsal. It could be another year before the court even hears our court case. Deb is only the pretrial conference.

TD may call later. I have no cell service ehere I am. Sorry to all I am just ranting.

I need to find a school now...choice on now. I need to fond a district and a place now. He is not helping me. I am sick of being pressured by everyone, move here move there. Fuck I finally found a job here is where I have to be. Then then he is dragging on the house. Just sell it already dirty carpets and all...start anew. This does nothing for any social life that may exist for me either. It's a hindrance.

oh hunny, you know how much I adore you and I hate that you are suffering like this! If you ever need to get away for a weekend let me know... You can come stay with me in TX and we'll make Z feed us. I know how it is to want to give up. Don't let this man take the fight from you!!

Prayers going up for you L!