Do NOT, I repeat do not, go hook up for the heck of it. BAD idea.

Talk to her. See a couple's counselor. If there is still hope, and still a flame there, and you both have even the slightest hope that things can be prepared, please go talk to a professional.

That should be "repaired", not "prepared". Sorry. My bad.

My question to everyone is, "What does LOVE feel like?" I don't FEEL like I love my husband, but I just LOVE him. I guess that was the bottom line of the post I just put out a few minutes ago - "Am I Crazy???"

He is now doing all the right things and our relationship is going in the right direction. Am I suppose to feel all warm and fuzzy?

I think so many people expect to feel all ooey-gooey, even years later, but isn't that really just a result of the newness of a relationship?

Ok, no pity party from me. Have you two talked about counseling? And if you think that"hooking up" is going to put your mind at ease you're wrong. Besides if you love and care about your wife, why even have the thought? See if she's willing to work on the marriage, and if she's not, get the hell away from each other, because you are only going to torture yourself. Take some time and think everything through, but jumping to another woman is not only harmful to yourself, but dissrespectful to her. Like I said no pity party here!

I also say nix the idea of hooking up. I know (with 100% of my being) that if my husband had been unfaithful to our vows, even though we were "separated" there would be no chance of counseling and the possibility of reconciling. I would never even have asked him to work on things.

I agree that bringing someone else into the picture is not the answer. I will agree with the others that you should see a counselor. Telling you that she has no feelings for you but having sex with you? That has got to be the most empty thing in the world, for both of you. I'm sorry for your pain. You have every right to feel hurt, but another person is not the answer. Work together to deal with the marriage, and if you can't then you can move on knowing you have done your best.

OK, I just went through a similar situation. I can understand you don't want to leave. First you need to move out of the bed room. It is not fair for her to use you for sex. Sleep on the couch, don't see her naked and close the door when you take a shower. I know it hurts seeing her I know it hurt me when my husband was still at home. Go to another room when she is home. If she wants to talk that fine and I hope she comes to her senses, but don't let her walk all over you. Put up boundries and if she says something simply say this is what you wanted.

No theres no hope I all ready talked about counseling. she just wants to move on. I like being close to her and still having sex because it makes me feel atleast a little bit wanted and appreciated and the sex is still good. This is my place I am not going to go sleep on the couch. she is the one that doesn't love me anymore why should I change? She is all ready to move on if she found a guy tomorrow she would be w/ him no doubt. How is it not fair to her if I move on I mean she's the one seperating us and says she doesn't love me anymore. if thats the case then it shouldn't bother her at all. everyday though she does push me further and further away so the hugging and kissing and w/e else even seeing her naked gets less and less. I just can't handle it but I am not moving out this is my place that the company I work for is paying for. if I can have sex w/ her then I am going to because 1 it feels great and for 2 I am good at it it makes her feel good and it makes me feel atleast alittle bit wanted. I feel like the little puppy dog that someone really wated but then just through outside and forgot about until they need something to pet or w/e.

Hang in there. I am new to this site but glad I found it. I just found out today that my wife of 9 years is not "in love" with me anymore. We have a 3 year old and it looks like my wife and I will be living together for a while at least. I can't imagine that this will last long. It must be torcher for you. I may find myself in a similar situation. Unfortunately, I too think you need to have a seperate living arrangement. I realy feel for you now that we are in a similar situation.

Sorry.....been in the exact same spot before. One of you needs to leave. I had to leave I couldnt handle living just like you say. That was very difficult.....gawd even remembering it was so difficult.
I have so many questions about your situation, is there someone else?? What triggered this? Sorry I was in same situation and I recall it clearly. I'm just glad I am where I am now......feel free to read my journals.....and come back here daily to help yourself. Stay strong.

~Joe

Staying strong is hard. I love her so damn much and she doesn't care. I guess the spark just isn't there anymore for her. I didn't help matters much over the years I guess. not helping out as much as I should of around the house. playing video games, being on my computer. it's my own fault really. I just didn't realize that she felt this way until it was to late. we have talked and talked and theres just no getting her feelings back. She has people to talk to about things like divorce her dad has been trhough 3 of them. her mom 1. maybe it runs in her family. I mean she used to lie a lot just to be w/ me. when we first got together she said she had a daughter before but lost it. even had a picture. found out later it was really her baby sisters pic, she also said she had an std after we had had sex so that keeped me there as well. and the first time we sleeped together she remarkablly got pregnant. also at the time I was in the middle of a huge lawsuit and I was supposed to get around 3 million. the company went bankrupt october last year therefore voiding the lawsuit. Everyone in my fasmily thought she was in it for the money. there was just a ton of lies. I dunno I didn't realize I cared this much until now. again I have no one to talk to and she does. and I am not sure I want to talk to people especially people who haven't been through it ya know. I just need guidence and I am worroied about the kids as well.

By the way no she didn't have an std therefore neither do I. just my chest hurts all the time and she is all I think about. I try to go to sleep and I just can't. my breathing speeds up and sometimes I shake uncontrolably when that happens she'll be like stop go to sleep. like I can just stop thinking about it. I have pretty good control over my mind. I can dream about whatever I want and make myself clear my head to fall asleep faster. but this is my heart that hurts and is causing this and I haven't figured out how to control it. I also find myself snapping at my kids more often because I am so depressed and upset and stressed. sometimes I feel like it would be better if I just died. no I am not the type of person to commit or try to commit suicide so don't worry about that. I might be depressed and such but I ain't suicidal. I just need people to talk to.

Wow Vinsonbar...your situation sounds so much like mine that I was stunned to read your post. I feel and know your pian all-too-well and sounds like your are getting some good advice here. Can't really give u advice as I'm in the same boat..just know that there are alot of good folk here at DS and will be sending extra good vibes your way.

is your wife's name Melissa to. lmao. ya the advice is good but more then anything I need someone to talk to and someone to listen and someone that makes me feel loved and needed and not someone who is going to be like all mushy and be like oh it's ok everything happens for a reason. I just need someone to be there for me I guess. I dunno thats hard to do over the net obviously but atleast I can get everything off my chest hear. just getting it off my chest verbally would be better.