Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My ex and I just broke up about a week ago... We were together for almost 2 years and we lived together for 7 months. He was the first person I have lived with and it was the first time of me living on my own. Things were going pretty well, we had issues like any other couple but we were doing pretty good. My family really liked him and his family really liked me.
But the last month or so of our relationship turned out to be kinda rocky. I went out of town a couple of weeks ago to visit my aunt. Before I left we got into a little fight and he didn't even want to have sex which I thought was weird. Last couple months of our relationship we were barley having sex. And when I was gone he didn't even really say that he missed me, which when I am out of town he is telling me he misses me.
When I got home he was still at work. I left my computer at the house for him. I went into the history to try to find something I was looking up before I left. When in the history I found a bunch of porn websites which didn't really bother me. But then I found something that did bother me.... I found that he goggled searched "free hook ups Portland" when I asked him about it he got really defensive and said it wasn't him...and I asked well then who was it and he told me he didn't know...I could tell he was lying....
When he got home from work we talked about it and he finally told me that it was him. When I asked him why he said because he wanted to look at boobs. Then I said well if you wanted to look at boobs you didn't have to goggle that. Then he said nothing. Then he told me in a way he was glad that I found that because now we are talking about our issues and he couldn't just talk about them before because he knew that I would get upset....
He was upset because basically I wasn't changing. I was doing all of these things he wanted me to do. He told me to get out the cook book and once a month find something and cook it. When we first met I told him I wanted to learn how to cook and I was learning. I would one always help him cook or I would cook breakfast and sometimes dinner. He was also upset because I didn't drive...(which I still don't) well one, I don't have a car, right now I can't afford one. I told him many times that he should take me out driving and he never did it. Also, he told me to be more out going...he knew going in that I was a shy person. I was willing to do some of things he wanted me to do. Because some of those things were my goals but he was forcing me to do that, and I don't like to be forced into doing something. I will do something when I feel like I am ready. He also kept telling me to change my job so I would have more money. I love my job and yes I would love to make more money but I am not going to change my job just so I can make more money and end up doing something I hate....
One thing I don't understand is that we were together for almost 2 years and now he is trying to change me? I asked him how long he has felt this way and he told me awhile....
Even though he has really hurt me, its been pretty hard on me. I really love him. I had to see him a couple of days ago to deal with the cable bill they needed both of us to come in to change it into his name. It just was awkward and really hard on me. When I came back home I just cried. Then yesterday I didn't want to get out of bed and today I feel the same way. I have no idea what to do. 2 years may not seem that long to people but we were really close. I have no idea what to do....any advice would really help. Thank you for reading all of this...
But the last month or so of our relationship turned out to be kinda rocky. I went out of town a couple of weeks ago to visit my aunt. Before I left we got into a little fight and he didn't even want to have sex which I thought was weird. Last couple months of our relationship we were barley having sex. And when I was gone he didn't even really say that he missed me, which when I am out of town he is telling me he misses me.
When I got home he was still at work. I left my computer at the house for him. I went into the history to try to find something I was looking up before I left. When in the history I found a bunch of porn websites which didn't really bother me. But then I found something that did bother me.... I found that he goggled searched "free hook ups Portland" when I asked him about it he got really defensive and said it wasn't him...and I asked well then who was it and he told me he didn't know...I could tell he was lying....
When he got home from work we talked about it and he finally told me that it was him. When I asked him why he said because he wanted to look at boobs. Then I said well if you wanted to look at boobs you didn't have to goggle that. Then he said nothing. Then he told me in a way he was glad that I found that because now we are talking about our issues and he couldn't just talk about them before because he knew that I would get upset....
He was upset because basically I wasn't changing. I was doing all of these things he wanted me to do. He told me to get out the cook book and once a month find something and cook it. When we first met I told him I wanted to learn how to cook and I was learning. I would one always help him cook or I would cook breakfast and sometimes dinner. He was also upset because I didn't drive...(which I still don't) well one, I don't have a car, right now I can't afford one. I told him many times that he should take me out driving and he never did it. Also, he told me to be more out going...he knew going in that I was a shy person. I was willing to do some of things he wanted me to do. Because some of those things were my goals but he was forcing me to do that, and I don't like to be forced into doing something. I will do something when I feel like I am ready. He also kept telling me to change my job so I would have more money. I love my job and yes I would love to make more money but I am not going to change my job just so I can make more money and end up doing something I hate....
One thing I don't understand is that we were together for almost 2 years and now he is trying to change me? I asked him how long he has felt this way and he told me awhile....
Even though he has really hurt me, its been pretty hard on me. I really love him. I had to see him a couple of days ago to deal with the cable bill they needed both of us to come in to change it into his name. It just was awkward and really hard on me. When I came back home I just cried. Then yesterday I didn't want to get out of bed and today I feel the same way. I have no idea what to do. 2 years may not seem that long to people but we were really close. I have no idea what to do....any advice would really help. Thank you for reading all of this...
I'm sorry but the only thing that is going to help you is time. It does, cross my heart, get easier a bit easier day by day, a bit at a time.
It's okay for you to want to make changes to yourself for yourself. But for him to get snotty and nasty and insist on changes and make negative remarks and want you to make those changes for him, means he should not have gotten involved with you all along and you two were never a real match.
This is one to kick to the curb and realize that you will never satisfy him and he will always be looking to change you. Know that you are a good person and you can do as you want and not want someone insists you do. Many, many hugs.
Him trying to force you to do things that you didn't want to wasn't good though, he shouldn't be making demands. Suggestions are fine but if he got irritated/mad that you weren't yielding, I think that's bad. You should find someone that's more positive and makes you feel good about yourself! He didn't seem like a good influence.
What helped me get over my guy was concentrating on the other positive relationships in my life. This helped because my ex was getting me down during the end of our relationship and they weren't. So they put into perspective how unhappy I was during the end of the relationship and during the breakup.
I hope you feel better soon :)