Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'd been thinking about going to court to get justice for infedility ...but its going to be a 2-3 years battle with what consequences?...I'm not not sure.
I was thinking about fighting for my rightful maintenance (alimony) ...infact I wanted a lumpsum amount--something the court doesnt award here. So, to fight for some measely monthly amount for the sake of 'justice' is what I would really be doing--an amount the court would decide--if I'm working, the amount would be lesser!
I have a huge education loan and the stbx 's latest offer is an apartment on our joint names--he's saying i can sell it off--that could help me write off my education loan (with whats left on repaying the bank loan on which this apartment was taken).
While I was all out to 'fight', when I recently went through job portals in my profession--a lecturer of marketing in business schools, I realised I wouldnt be making tons of money ; plus repaying the education loan monthly would be a killer and worse, a monthly alimony of peanuts would bring me back to nothing really.
I just finished speaking to the stbx about reconsiderign the apartment offer and boy, did he seem relieved. Going to the court for justice as I thought seems like not such a great idea---principles wise, I might seem like i've lost again...hopefully, life will serve him with the justice. If I can just resume a new life with no debts on my head, I could lead a more comfortable life...breaking him down/fighting with him seems like 'heroic' but something not so practical & perhaps not even worth it.(sour grapes)
Maybe I'm being weak, maybe I'm not being this super strong woman but I dont really think i have the strength to fight in court for something i might not be satisfied with anyhow. He wins in a way again--i'd rather lose this one for a more secure future which hoping the sale of this apartment might bring to me. Not fighting in court also would mean a joint-custody for my daughter ... meaning she shares half her time with me and with him--2 /3 years with me and then 2/3 years with him : --sounds awful to me but with the money liabilities I seem to have little option. I'm telling myself, maybe the joint custody would be good for her. (sour grapes)
I dont even know if this stbx may back out from this offer knowing that i seem to be in need, so nothing's really for sure: if he does, i would have no option but to go for the court dispute.
I just need to trust Life ..hope things work out; he gets what he deserves from the 'waht goes around comes around' bit... and i can find a new life which i can lead with peace and comfort with my daughter even if the joint custody hurts my pride.
Maybe i'm 'selling out'... but i need to also see whats practical and whats ok for my peace of mind. Have told him i'll take 2 days to confirm all this --2 days when i can gather more information. But I have a sick feeling in my stomach ; i seem to be bowing down again but i need to be realistic even if it means surrendering the romantic & unrealisitc notion of fighting for justice in court and bringing him down to his knees. Not very inspirational this, huh?! :(
I was thinking about fighting for my rightful maintenance (alimony) ...infact I wanted a lumpsum amount--something the court doesnt award here. So, to fight for some measely monthly amount for the sake of 'justice' is what I would really be doing--an amount the court would decide--if I'm working, the amount would be lesser!
I have a huge education loan and the stbx 's latest offer is an apartment on our joint names--he's saying i can sell it off--that could help me write off my education loan (with whats left on repaying the bank loan on which this apartment was taken).
While I was all out to 'fight', when I recently went through job portals in my profession--a lecturer of marketing in business schools, I realised I wouldnt be making tons of money ; plus repaying the education loan monthly would be a killer and worse, a monthly alimony of peanuts would bring me back to nothing really.
I just finished speaking to the stbx about reconsiderign the apartment offer and boy, did he seem relieved. Going to the court for justice as I thought seems like not such a great idea---principles wise, I might seem like i've lost again...hopefully, life will serve him with the justice. If I can just resume a new life with no debts on my head, I could lead a more comfortable life...breaking him down/fighting with him seems like 'heroic' but something not so practical & perhaps not even worth it.(sour grapes)
Maybe I'm being weak, maybe I'm not being this super strong woman but I dont really think i have the strength to fight in court for something i might not be satisfied with anyhow. He wins in a way again--i'd rather lose this one for a more secure future which hoping the sale of this apartment might bring to me. Not fighting in court also would mean a joint-custody for my daughter ... meaning she shares half her time with me and with him--2 /3 years with me and then 2/3 years with him : --sounds awful to me but with the money liabilities I seem to have little option. I'm telling myself, maybe the joint custody would be good for her. (sour grapes)
I dont even know if this stbx may back out from this offer knowing that i seem to be in need, so nothing's really for sure: if he does, i would have no option but to go for the court dispute.
I just need to trust Life ..hope things work out; he gets what he deserves from the 'waht goes around comes around' bit... and i can find a new life which i can lead with peace and comfort with my daughter even if the joint custody hurts my pride.
Maybe i'm 'selling out'... but i need to also see whats practical and whats ok for my peace of mind. Have told him i'll take 2 days to confirm all this --2 days when i can gather more information. But I have a sick feeling in my stomach ; i seem to be bowing down again but i need to be realistic even if it means surrendering the romantic & unrealisitc notion of fighting for justice in court and bringing him down to his knees. Not very inspirational this, huh?! :(
IF HIS LIPS ARE MOVING -- HE IS LYING!
Use extreme caution, my dear!
Sounds to me you are looking at it like a business deal and rightly so. I think it comes out better for you when you do. If you can come to an agreement that is mutually beneficial all the more better. After all you will be dealing with him down the line because you have a child together. Many times I could of jerked my EX around but didn't for several reasons, one being that there will be times when I needed him because of the children. I don't want to go into details with examples so I hope what I am writing makes sense.
Remember, revenge is a double edge sword that cuts you as it cuts them.
Today, I am going to meet an old employer of mine...hoping to negotiate for a higher pay: he's a miser though!...having some money of my own would hlep me take decisions better as they wont be based on desperation i guess.
Been still wondering about my decisions (I can take time to take them) -- maybe I need another consultation with my lawyer. Thoughts of revenge are secondary now, cannot afford to lose my energy on them...have to think about a secure & stable future first. Dear God, if you're listening, show me the way and give me the courage to walk it !