Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been 10 1/2 weeks now. I thought I was managing alright but seem to be falling back down. Having a hard time handling everything. So much work to do. Having to get all the financial paperwork in order. I was talking to my son tonight. He is 18. I haven't told the kids yet about why we split. I didn't want to. She had an affair, 3 guys so far but sounds like there was more. My son knows. He figured it out. He filled me in on some more details. He actually knew a little more than I did. He tells me she booked a flight over the holidays to go see a guy she has never met. Her parents were mad and talked her out of it. The guy is 26 she's 40. I knew she was talking to him but didn't know she wanted to meet up with him. She was going to leave everything behind. Makes me worry about my daughter who is only 15. My son says my ex is never home... they did nothing with her over the holidays. He says he feels like he has to protect her. He was a dd for her at a party and he was getting mad at all the guys hitting on her. He said he told a few guys off and they wanted to fight him. She is loving all this negative attention. Its not good I told my son to stay away from all that he doesn't need to be around all the drunks. She is reckless it's not up to him to be her body guard. This whole think is getting out of control and I'm losing my mind over it. My kids are see all this. She is going wild but almost living 2 different life's. She pretends to be the good mom her closest friends do not know of her affairs yet. In reality she is this wild women who will sleep with anything that moves. She hanging around bars and shady people. I have seen an email from her about a xxx web cam acount. I now think she was doing this to for extra money. The story seems to be getting worse by the day. I thought I was suffering but my kids are suffering now. She has borrowed money from my son. He's in college he doesn't have money. My sadness is slowly turning into anger. If somebody told me this story I'm going thru I wouldn't believe it. But here I am living this nightmare. This is something you'd see in a horror movie not real life. We were happy so I thought the first 18 years now this last year she just snapped into a new person. I've been working hard doing every thing I'm supposed to do to heal and get better but I keep getting knocked down blow by blow. Maybe it's the lack of sleep but I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. It just seems harder and harder to deal with. I had a wonderful time spending time with my son today but I can't stop thinking about what he told me today. I'm tired of feeling sick all the time. I'm tired of sighing all day long. I'm tired of thinking of her. I'm tired of looking for suport groups, nothing out here where I live...there just nothing for a man. We are supposed to suck it up I guess. The whole system is set up to be against me. I have to fight. There's no fight in me...I'm not strong enough yet. We couldnt even split like normal people. She has to be over dramatic make a show for everyone. This is going to be a battle for sure, she just won't stop lying. I'm tired of the lies. Today's been rough...I'm just tired :(
We are all survivors!! You have to believe that this seemingly never ending pain, will be counter-balanced with the highest of highs in the future. Keep your mind focused on the future, not the past.
Wow cleigh, I've never been quite able to articulate it, but that just about says it.
People just don't care about the impact they have on others.
I'm not sure what's happened to the human race when getting laid is number one on everyone's list of priorities. Family seems to have no value.
Decency, integrity, no value.
It can be disheartening if you allow the actions of others to effect you.
I'm practicing not allowing the actions of others to determine the quality of my life, because they'll sap all the joy out of your soul if you allow it.
In my state we had a mandatory parenting mediation session, with a trained mediator. It was here that we were to have hashed out all of the visitation (which is now called a "parenting plan"). Unfortunately/fortunately, stbx didn't want the kids but every other weekend, and sporatically as he desired. He's not a bad dad, but he's a lazy guy. Kids take alot of work, even teens, and he dosn't have it in him. I guess I was glad that he already knew this. But - if we had issues with each other's abilities to properly parent, it would be here at the mediation session that we would state what we wanted in terms of custody, and why. I was going to fight for primary physical residence and a bit more than 50/50, turns out I didn't have to; I got more than I had hoped for.
I would look into changing custody now. In my high conflict divorce, it's already been 8 months since filing. If we have to go all the way to trial (which he wants), that's another 4 months down the road. A year of unstability in my kids life is way too long, I believe. Who knows how long your divorce might last. Your daughter doesn't need to be in that situation living with her mom one minute longer than she has to. And your son has to be removed from the role of mom's protector.
Are you able, where you are currently living, to provide sleeping quarters for your children? I'd start setting that up, if you haven't already. Stay on top of your kids' grades and make sure you know their friends. Utmost, make sure they know YOU will always be there for them, no matter how rocky things might get.
Divorce is hard on everyone, and kids dont' always know what's best for them. Like your son, they might take on too much that isn't their responsibility. Or take on blame, for someone else's actions.