Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been lurking here a while and it seems like this is a good place for support. I don't even really know where to begin.... We've been married 20 years. Had to relocate because of my job about 7 years ago and he's never been the same. Angry all the time - yells at our daughter about stupid things. Really has no relationship with her at all. When I've confronted him about his behavior since the move, it's always my fault because he was happy where he was and my job moved. Ummm - excuse me - we discussed it and decided to move instead of stay because I make more money.
I've been the one to take care of our daughter for the most part. He's too busy being miserable or sitting on the couch drinking. I haven't felt in love with him for a long time and I've tried to talk about it with him. He gets upset and then the next day pretends it didn't happen - I guess denial?
The last straw was during a slumber party my daughter was having. My husband got drunk and in the middle of an argument, went into our room and was messing with a gun. He says he was playing..... Regardless, my daughter and her friends ran to a neighbors' house (at 11:30 at night). This resulted in my daughter's best friend for 7 years not being allowed at our house anymore. Can't say I blame them, but my daughter sure blames her dad!
Last night there was a heated argument because I have finally had enough and I want a divorce. I know I need to leave him for my daughter's well being (don't want her to think this as a good relationship) as well as my sanity! The reason I've stayed so long is that he has a seizure disorder. The doctors really can't pinpoint the cause but he is on medication (LOTS of it). He's also a heavy drinker, no matter what I say, and won't listen to anyone about that. He has liver problems and is taking all this medication and still drinks and I just found out the other day when he goes on his "walks" that he's smoking as well.
When I told him I wanted the divorce (again), suddenly it was all about him and how he's always worried about having seizures and what could happen and how could I leave him when he's so sick. Like I haven't thought about this already. Has anyone left a spouse that was ill and how do you get past the guilt when you know it's the best thing for you and your child?? I can't deal with the stress if I stay!
Just somebody help me......
I've been the one to take care of our daughter for the most part. He's too busy being miserable or sitting on the couch drinking. I haven't felt in love with him for a long time and I've tried to talk about it with him. He gets upset and then the next day pretends it didn't happen - I guess denial?
The last straw was during a slumber party my daughter was having. My husband got drunk and in the middle of an argument, went into our room and was messing with a gun. He says he was playing..... Regardless, my daughter and her friends ran to a neighbors' house (at 11:30 at night). This resulted in my daughter's best friend for 7 years not being allowed at our house anymore. Can't say I blame them, but my daughter sure blames her dad!
Last night there was a heated argument because I have finally had enough and I want a divorce. I know I need to leave him for my daughter's well being (don't want her to think this as a good relationship) as well as my sanity! The reason I've stayed so long is that he has a seizure disorder. The doctors really can't pinpoint the cause but he is on medication (LOTS of it). He's also a heavy drinker, no matter what I say, and won't listen to anyone about that. He has liver problems and is taking all this medication and still drinks and I just found out the other day when he goes on his "walks" that he's smoking as well.
When I told him I wanted the divorce (again), suddenly it was all about him and how he's always worried about having seizures and what could happen and how could I leave him when he's so sick. Like I haven't thought about this already. Has anyone left a spouse that was ill and how do you get past the guilt when you know it's the best thing for you and your child?? I can't deal with the stress if I stay!
Just somebody help me......
Hugs,,,,
The situation sounds terrible and not safe. I'm sorry. You have to do what is best for you and your daughter.
Instead of feeling guilty for him, think of you and your daughter. Sorry he's doing this.
Thanks for making me feel like perhaps I'm not just a mean vindictive bitch because that's what he wants me to believe!
Good luck and we'll all be here for you when you need us!
My STBX also has a seizure disored and is on Meds. She also drank alot (now in AA) and her doctor told her drinking can cause/contibute to seizures. The seizure condition can cause depression, but that is no excuse, especially for playing with a gun while a slumber party was going on. Protect yourself and your child.
Nam - Sometimes I'll take my daughter to my mom's for the weekend and it's just amazing how much more relaxed we are, but of course the weekends are never long enough and I start to get that knot in my stomach because I have to go back.
He's got this weekend off (only every 3rd off) so we'll see how that goes. Maybe he'll go hang out with his family or something or I'll take Em to the movies to get out of the house - I can feel my ears burning already.
I do hope he can figure this out for himself so that someday he can have a good relationship with his daughter. She's just turned 13 and he has no idea how amazing she is!
It's all so sad
Ultimately I had to put aside the guilt and do waht was best for me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, to pick up and leave the man who I promised to spend the rest of my life with, but it had to be done. He would not admit that he was depressed and abusive. We had also relocated for his job and the change was too much for him, partially, I think.
Hugs to you because I have been there.