Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
yeah i'm over him alright....
but i'm still healing from the emotional abuse. he always tried to mentally / psychologically manipulate me.
for instance when he's not getting his way, he would make these threats to me that would be demeaning or supposed to make me feel bad.
for example:
when i was telling him on the phone last week to leave me alone for good, he said i was becoming a bad person and that i shouldn't do this to him. his reasons were that in the past i have done bad things to him and he to me, so we are even. he also told me that if i decided to eliminate him from my life, he will chose to remember me only for all the wrong i have done. and that our relationship was shit. his words were "fine, you wanna be this way? then i'll only remember you for the bad things you have done and the cold hearted person you are!" he went on and on about it but i never took the bait or the guilt trip he tried. plus, once i got off the phone i put a block on his number.
during our relationship, he always did things like this to me. he would speak to me like i was supposed to do time for crimes or something. you know, to try and get his way.
i know i'm a much better person than he says i am, and he was just projecting most of the time. but i can't help it that i'm scarred.
anyone else go through something like this? or any other similar abuse?
but i'm still healing from the emotional abuse. he always tried to mentally / psychologically manipulate me.
for instance when he's not getting his way, he would make these threats to me that would be demeaning or supposed to make me feel bad.
for example:
when i was telling him on the phone last week to leave me alone for good, he said i was becoming a bad person and that i shouldn't do this to him. his reasons were that in the past i have done bad things to him and he to me, so we are even. he also told me that if i decided to eliminate him from my life, he will chose to remember me only for all the wrong i have done. and that our relationship was shit. his words were "fine, you wanna be this way? then i'll only remember you for the bad things you have done and the cold hearted person you are!" he went on and on about it but i never took the bait or the guilt trip he tried. plus, once i got off the phone i put a block on his number.
during our relationship, he always did things like this to me. he would speak to me like i was supposed to do time for crimes or something. you know, to try and get his way.
i know i'm a much better person than he says i am, and he was just projecting most of the time. but i can't help it that i'm scarred.
anyone else go through something like this? or any other similar abuse?
funny thing was up until i met him i was always telling my self i won't take shit from anyone. yeah, how much of that did i stick to? all my friends know me as this "dont' take shit" type of person. what happened all that time? where was the real me?
Another great thing about breaking up with someone like that, the return to your self! like coming home. Relief. Familiarity. You're never exactly the same, but you become grounded again, at home in your own heart and mind once more....not so disconnected and isolated from yourself.
I knew all about the battered woman syndrome but I could never quite "get it" until I found myself in it.
You're in good company with that one....lots of us made choices we never would have made before we met our abusers.
Well, almost five years later, I'm healed and moving on. You will get there. You might want to see a therapist; I've always found that helpful.
Lynne
Don't allow yourself to buy into his version of reality. It is not real -- only what he needs to believe because he can't face his own flaws and imperfections. Truly, we are better off alone than with people who emotionally abuse us.
It is NOT your fault.
such an apt way of saying it, Lynn