When i have hit rock bottom before i try to look at it as ..... there is no place to go from here but up and then i use that to motivate me to make changes to climb my way out of the "bottom" . Im by no means saying its easy because its not but it is so worth it.

I believe you. Just hard to see right now.

You will get thru it. I remember being hit by the tidal wave of grief - often out of nowhere- and then being pummeled by the rocks. Hold on. What I used to do was focus on one thing that was really impt to me and fixate on it. It helped me stay focused but not overwhelmed,

Good luck. One day you'll back on shore and the storm will be over.

Thanks. It just feels like that storm is so overpowering, I'll never be able to pass. My mind is racing a million times too fast. I am relatively certain she's. cheating and that kills me, but what honestly hurts worse is the fact that she's lying about it. Like she's never really cared about me at all. I just can't wrap my brain around that. And I know she's the type that will be completely unable to sustain any type of long term relationship, but right now, that doesn't matter. Right now the pain is so deep, nothing else matters.

The drinking I get, was drinking daily then stopped. tried to clear my head but I couldn't keep the what ifs from coming. I wanted to not keep replaying my wrongs and how I messed up. I was married for 23 years so I understand. I've lost 15 pounds and my appetite comes and goes. I do believe that it will get better, and yeah the pain is the only thing you can feel. Try to meditate, keep busy. I know that you will get through this awful time. Don't even try to wrap your brain around it, she did care.

If she did care, it stopped a long time ago. This morning she told me that our marriage was never based in love, but in convenience. I don't know this woman who was once my wife. I really don't.

Yeah, my ex wife told me in 24 years together it NEVER felt right...it's just bullshit, better off not discussing it anymore with her, once they made up their mind it's pointless to try to get them to see reality.

My ex told me lots of things too and most of It
was not really justified. I take 50 % of the blame
for the Marriage going wrong but he refused to
see His own part in the problems so he just
checked out.

They keep an ongoing Scorecard about you
not themselves. Cheating usually will Happen
after they are checked out and long Gone mentally
and emotionally from you.

They are detached and no longer care, you
Are in their way of happiness and fulfillment.
If in any type of affair they are in their affair fog
or on the pink Cloud.

Any drinking at this time is not a good idea. It Will
not help you and will cause you more troubles. Let
Yourself grieve and process your losses.

Keep a clear, sane and mature head as much
As possible. Reach out for support, divorce care
.org is great and a therapist if you are not going yet.
This is something to just get thru and Survive with
your skin and sanity intact.

The healing can start as soon as the divorce is
done And over with. Its still not easy but your
heart and Soul know its over and it needs to heal.
That is another whole and different journey. HUGS