Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Getting attacked where it hurts

jbnoble
jbnoble

About a month ago I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. He went to stay at his parents and started to take his things. A couple days ago it finally clicked that I truly want a divorce and things will not go back to normal. He's started blowing up my phone with text messages telling me that I'm destroying our family and I'm evil and my daughter will resent me forever. Our daughter is 2 btw. He's gotten extra nasty and made very personal digs about me as a mother. I know there's no truth in the hurtful words, but they still hurt. I want to keep things civil for our daughter but I don't know how to do that when I'm under attack. i just don't know how to move forward when it's so contentious and I worry that he's saying nasty things to our daughter about me. 

jojored
jojored
Been there, but with teen aged boys. He would say things to others about me being a good mom, but to me told me that no judge would give me custody because I was this and that. That I was destroying the family. All untrue. He was projecting his own crapola onto me. I did fall for it, and it was a contributing factor to me delaying filing for divorce for one year. And delaying my own healing for a year. Being a mom is the most important thing in the world to me, he knew it and he took advantage of that. In the end, all he asked for custody wise was every other weekend. Really, if I'm such a bad mom, why leave them in my care? Your stbx is being reactionary. If you're a good mom, own it. Your daughter will only suffer if he does and says things which are hurtful to her, things she can't grasp, are untrue, serve to put a wedge between you and her. I hope you have a required parenting class you both have to attend to, and a parenting mediator. He can use a good dose of parenting training, I think. Ignore the hurtful things he says, remind yourself of your strengths and your abilities on a daily basis, and turn the other cheek. Mine are black and blue, it feels, but I tried to be the better person to his constant immaturity. Hopefully your stbx will calm down shortly and be civil. Just a warning: if he was a d*ck before all of this, he will be more of one during this.
ElizabethM
ElizabethM
Why do you want a divorce? Is cheating involved? Do you fight a lot? Are you not able to possibly save the marriage?
mlr0853
mlr0853
Thinking you have choices...first, you don't have to read texts, call him, speak to him if he is being abusive. What you do have is a choice to clearly state your boundaries if he starts in on you...you walk away...by speaking to someone who is angry and resentful in that state no matter what you do or say nothing will get through...If he wants his stuff say fine...a time and day...you be gone with daughter....not around no fighting...as in first post, your daughter is the first priority after You taking care of You...a Must...if you are calm, then she will be ok....little kids Do pickup negative energy and anger...best of luck!
refurb
refurb
To post #3 why does she get to keep the child from the child's father ?

Pretty judgemental
mlr0853
mlr0853
Duh..."""Only"""....while he is taking his stuff from the house to avoid problems...did you not read of his verbal attacks....taking possessions out of the house, stomping around slamming doors angry while filling boxes his voice could be so loud as to scare her......never mind the words could be bouncing off the walls
Aronia
Aronia
I m not defending him, but he is hurt by divorce. If you keep calm and civil towards him , he will eventually accept the situation and you can become friends.
My exh also threw a fit but we were able to talk eventually and now 8 years later we are a very good parenting team.
Hope things get better soon.
Hugs
refurb
refurb
Duh, so I'm to presume you are rational
Maybe you are not and divorcing without thinking about your vows
Maybe you decided to bring a life into this world without thinking that through
So piss off with your 'duhs'
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Vince3789

    Trying Not to Forget Who I Am

    Posted by: Vince3789
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    6
    Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
  • mlr0853

    Wondering???

    Posted by: mlr0853
    Last Reply: mlr0853
    3
    It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...