Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
ok brief rundown before i rant, timeline
november - wife has several emotional affairs via phone with guys from other states
november wife has gastric bypass, but night before her surgery admits of sexting and having cam sex with multiple men,
November tells me she wants divorce
december we live in same house, she continues one relationship with a guy in TN
Januanry she finally moves in with her mother, her BF in TN dies
February, she starts a phone relationship with a convicted murderer
march moves into her own apartemnt with our kids
march begins to have real relationship with my ex best friend who is an abusive alcoholic. our last and final act of friendship was me bailing him out of a situation that he was too drunk too deal with.
ok now that i layed out the timeline of events, your first questino is what did i do wrong, i still dont know. my wife was codependant, my only real crime enabling her. i did everything in the house she never made a decision not that i did not want her to she never knew how, i would ask and want her opinion alot, never got it.
she obviously wanted sex, but umm both our kids slept in bed with her at night and i slept on the couch, why cause she would let them
my kids are 12 and 9 my oldest has aspergers, i just dont get how we while things may have not been exciting, and we had our schedule of doing things that worked, i dont know what drove her down such a crazy path and why i cant make her realize the self destruction she is causing, is it cause she was so sheltered by her mom, then i took over and handled things now she is sowing her wild oats, i dont get it, can someone give me input, sorry this is so long
november - wife has several emotional affairs via phone with guys from other states
november wife has gastric bypass, but night before her surgery admits of sexting and having cam sex with multiple men,
November tells me she wants divorce
december we live in same house, she continues one relationship with a guy in TN
Januanry she finally moves in with her mother, her BF in TN dies
February, she starts a phone relationship with a convicted murderer
march moves into her own apartemnt with our kids
march begins to have real relationship with my ex best friend who is an abusive alcoholic. our last and final act of friendship was me bailing him out of a situation that he was too drunk too deal with.
ok now that i layed out the timeline of events, your first questino is what did i do wrong, i still dont know. my wife was codependant, my only real crime enabling her. i did everything in the house she never made a decision not that i did not want her to she never knew how, i would ask and want her opinion alot, never got it.
she obviously wanted sex, but umm both our kids slept in bed with her at night and i slept on the couch, why cause she would let them
my kids are 12 and 9 my oldest has aspergers, i just dont get how we while things may have not been exciting, and we had our schedule of doing things that worked, i dont know what drove her down such a crazy path and why i cant make her realize the self destruction she is causing, is it cause she was so sheltered by her mom, then i took over and handled things now she is sowing her wild oats, i dont get it, can someone give me input, sorry this is so long
gettingitstraight
i didnt pick of the slack cause i had to i picked up the slack cause she never did,
deleted_user
OK, then what would have happened if you didn't pick up her slack? If you just did your fair share? For me, if I didn't pick up my STBX's slack, then my kids would know their father really didn't care too much about them, and the world would have known he was a functioning alcoholic, and that would have embarrassed me. And been detrimental to my kids, I think. But it may have forced him to change because I wasn't "covering" for him anymore. Even basic things like remembering the kids' birthdays, important events they had coming up, how old they are, all things he couldn't be bothered remembering because he was "too busy" trying to earn a buck (and believe me, he had plenty already). I think for me, it was all about what I thought a normal family should be like, so when he didn't "measure up" in my mind I picked up his slack so that all appeared "normal" to the outside world. I didn't have to do that, but I did it anyway. Does this make any sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't.
deleted_user
I made a list of the things my ex complained about and then read books on them and did a few months of counselling. I didn't want to blame myself but I wanted to come out a better person if there was any truth to the things she said. You might try something along those lines. You may find that it's a 90% her fault, 10% yours but if you learn from the 10%, then you're stronger next time...
Join the Conversation