Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Because that's where I feel like I am lately. I keep thinking about the other side. About all the people who did the breaking up. I think it's helped me to keep in mind through all of this that my stbx didn't do any of this out of spite. He doesn't hate me. He doesn't want to hurt me. He loves my kids. He misses what he called home for 5 years and misses his best friend too. I think it's hard to fathom that someone could fall out of love with you but still love you. It seems to happen though. Just something to keep in mind.
But... this is coming from someone whose stbx didn't cheat or her, abuse her, do drugs, drink, etc. We never even fought. I still think that the people who did the cheating have their own demons to face though. I don't think there is ever an excuse for cheating or abuse in any form. I'm just saying it may help to look to what makes them do what they do instead of just thinking it was something we did.
But... this is coming from someone whose stbx didn't cheat or her, abuse her, do drugs, drink, etc. We never even fought. I still think that the people who did the cheating have their own demons to face though. I don't think there is ever an excuse for cheating or abuse in any form. I'm just saying it may help to look to what makes them do what they do instead of just thinking it was something we did.
Scary what you say about someone falling out of love with you but still love you in a different way.
It does leave room for anxiety regarding future relationships, yes? Do you feel counseling would have helped or a romantic vacation? wondering..
The constant traveling back and forth, the homework done in a car, the opportunities to play with friends lost because they're at dad's house that weekend. The Incredible stress that mom and dad are under financially.
My ex didn't cheat either, or at least he waited until he'd moved out to start dating the girl that he'd grown close to. The stuff he's put me through I'm over. The stuff the kids will continue to go through..... that he chooses not to see.
The point is to forgive the other person for their shot comings and realize it's not a personal attack on you so you can move on and not dwell on why it happened to you or your kids. Life isn't fair and people aren't perfect. Your kids will run into much worse during their life time and how you deal with it now will show them how to handle their own disasters when they have them.
We too get together for family functions, christenings, graduations, we even used to do Christmas and birthdays. But when we are together, we really are still just one big family, my mother, his mothers, our son's aunts and uncles from both sides. I mean, well loved each other once, so it makes sense to me. But then as I've said many times before, marriage counseling for a year before we split made all the difference, so that our decision was mutual, amicable, respectful, dignified, and everything done in a way to make things easiest and healthiest for our son.
I think it would be much more difficult for a couple to do that if one was betrayed, abandoned, abused.
I remember people all around us being suspicious when we broke up, that we were getting along too well, shared custody was unheard of, speaking on the phone every day or second day. Most people, including my mother, thought we were either getting back together at some point, or being masochists and prolonging the pain.
It seems more and more though, that its becoming more common. And I think that's a very good thing for the kids especially.