Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, I have posted here before. Trying to reconcile in my mind how my best friend and soul mate (her words) goes from "loving me to death", to having me arrested in front of my 9yo daughter at her school musical. I checked with my attorney's ahead of time and they assured me I had every right to be there. Apparently there was a motion that never got filed, so the police saw it differently.
Anyhow, the grief, frustration, loneliness, inability to reconcile the person who loved me with this person, claustrophobia, depression and legal documents and fees that make me want to throw up and are going to break me financially.
I don't know what I am complaining about or asking for. Not being able to see this person who supposedly loved me so much, turn into an enemy, something she swore she could never do, team up with my ex, not only to break me, but, to bad mouth me to my daughter, and deliberately portray me as a bad person to her in an effort to get her away from me.
I'm sure there are a lot of really ugly stories out there, I can hardly think straight right now. Things had been getting better, at least I had been coping with them better in being able to compartmentalize them and still function and have good parts of my days, but, now things seem to be just hopeless and confusing. I can't understand how people can treat other human beings like this.
Any similar experiences? Most of my support system is out of town or busy tonight, so, tonight feels particularly lonely and I can't stop thinking about the person who swore over and over so convincingly that we would always be together...
Anyhow, the grief, frustration, loneliness, inability to reconcile the person who loved me with this person, claustrophobia, depression and legal documents and fees that make me want to throw up and are going to break me financially.
I don't know what I am complaining about or asking for. Not being able to see this person who supposedly loved me so much, turn into an enemy, something she swore she could never do, team up with my ex, not only to break me, but, to bad mouth me to my daughter, and deliberately portray me as a bad person to her in an effort to get her away from me.
I'm sure there are a lot of really ugly stories out there, I can hardly think straight right now. Things had been getting better, at least I had been coping with them better in being able to compartmentalize them and still function and have good parts of my days, but, now things seem to be just hopeless and confusing. I can't understand how people can treat other human beings like this.
Any similar experiences? Most of my support system is out of town or busy tonight, so, tonight feels particularly lonely and I can't stop thinking about the person who swore over and over so convincingly that we would always be together...
I'm right there with you as far as the mixed emotions go. My days had been good for the most part until the last 3-4 when I've started feeling hatred toward her. It's nothing new that she's done but rather thoughts that brought themselves out of the darkness and into the light where they could permeate my feelings again.
I too feel at times that life is hopeless and confusing. That's what I'm feeling right now and I'm hoping it soon will pass. You're not alone in feeling the way you are although it sounds like your situation is tougher than mine. Hang in there, my friend..
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situationsome fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in Gods world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on lifes terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players. He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about Gods handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God"
A few weeks ago I joined a Divorce Care class and it has been extremely helpful. The information presented in the classes gives a lot of great advice on how to handle some of the problems we find ourselves facing. I would urge you to find one in your area. Just being around others going through the same thing as you are is a great comfort. You might be surprised as how similar our stories are. You'll discover that you're not crazy after all :)
It takes a special kind of nasty to have you arrested in front of your child. I can't begin to know how you feel. That kind of behavior is downright despicable.
Johnzilla - I feel the hopelessness and confusion and the inability to reconcile the two people, especially being challenged by the recovery from alcoholism and the challenge to service, forgive, and accept God's will.
Blindsided - That one stuck out like a sore thumb to me. Not being as spiritual as I should be, it brought thoughts of judgment and what gives me the right. Yet, my feelings arise, I am not sure that I create them deliberately. If I saw her today, and I haven't spoken to her since my sobriety date, and again she swore to me a week before that I didn't have to go through treatment and she would never leave me. I think I would say that I forgive her before I even said I was sorry. My sponsor gave me the advice that I am well aware that I have a disease, recognize it, and am doing something about it. Think about those who wake up and have no idea that they have a sickness, of waking up thinking of spreading hate and hurt. I'll take my disease over that one any day. Yet somewhere deep down, I still love her for the person she once was, and I would like to blame the outside influence and her anger at me for the things she is doing. But, I still have a lot to learn, only on step 3.
KAW - I came here in lieu of being able to find a divorce support group. I'm curious where/how you managed to find one. That information would be great.
To all three of you, I came here tonight because my support system is all out of town or busy. I have found some serenity here, not just to vent, but, to get useful advice, to be reminded that I am not alone, and to remind others that they are not alone. I have friended all 3 of you, and am at your service should you have the need to expand upon your experience or feelings. I am at my best when I am listening and there are times when I am in need as well. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help in terms of sharing or caring, this is not easy for anybody. Thank you group, again!