Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I thought this long weekend would end up leaving me stronger. I planned to google all sorts of healing readings, order books to make me stronger, focus on the thing I can look forward to. I did all that, donated to causes important to me, reached out and talked to friends. Instead, I've gone in the other direction. I just had to leave Macy's because I couldn't stop crying. (I was in Macy's to get clothing for an interview tomorrow, so I really need to get myself together) I've cried all weekend. The house is so quiet and sad. No kids giggling, no guitar playing, no chili simmering. I loved the family we had built. It filled me with so much joy and purpose. The kids were young enough when I came in the picture where there was no animosity, and their mom was thrilled to have me in her kids' lives. They were young enough where they needed me. To feel a part of molding little lives meant so much to me. It felt absolutely right, a perfect fit. That thing I had been missing. And now I've lost not one, but three loves.
I have lived by myself most of my adult life. While I had boyfriends, most were the ones that you'd feel lonely IN the relationships. And I was single a lot too, so I know that aching feeling of just wanting a hug. People aren't meant to live without affection. I thought I was past those days. I don't want to go back.
I think being on this site also makes me feel worse in a way. I see these horrifying ways that people treat each other in relationships, and I think, Holy crap, we were in good shape! No issues with housekeeping, money, sex, kindness, fun, love, caring. We sorted out disagreements really well. Our ONE issue... he could not let go of my past. We would talk about it, but he kept a lot of it inside and tried to deal with it... his head sometimes spinning. Knowing how we have the ability to reframe our thoughts, I honestly can't grasp why we can't get past it together.
With how well everything fit into place, I don't understand at all why the universe wants it to be this way. I can't imagine finding such a wonderful blend of love and family again. I don't want to let it go. Not one bit.
I have lived by myself most of my adult life. While I had boyfriends, most were the ones that you'd feel lonely IN the relationships. And I was single a lot too, so I know that aching feeling of just wanting a hug. People aren't meant to live without affection. I thought I was past those days. I don't want to go back.
I think being on this site also makes me feel worse in a way. I see these horrifying ways that people treat each other in relationships, and I think, Holy crap, we were in good shape! No issues with housekeeping, money, sex, kindness, fun, love, caring. We sorted out disagreements really well. Our ONE issue... he could not let go of my past. We would talk about it, but he kept a lot of it inside and tried to deal with it... his head sometimes spinning. Knowing how we have the ability to reframe our thoughts, I honestly can't grasp why we can't get past it together.
With how well everything fit into place, I don't understand at all why the universe wants it to be this way. I can't imagine finding such a wonderful blend of love and family again. I don't want to let it go. Not one bit.
All people have had relationships in their past. But we all moved on from them. I didn't do anything to be embarrassed about, but that me no longer exists here because I've changed--we've all changed. We don't carry those relationships as badges on our clothes to display to others. We have put them away because it was another time, another place and we were different people then. We won't go back to those people either because they are part of another time. I don't discuss them with other men because I don't go dragging them back out to be part of a new relationship to be ogled, passed judgment upon or if we were to ever see that person or their family to allow the man I'm with to potentially bring it up. Those relationships are ancient history and long ago in the past and they stay in the past.
Sweet, that is how you have to consider the relationships in your past. It has nothing to do with honesty, it has to do with keeping ancient history in the past and not bringing it to other men. It is none of their business and it remains as ancient history.
NOW ABOUT JOBS: This man is not worth losing jobs over. I used to work for the president and managing party and got the skinny on those seeking jobs. You have to be determined that you REALLY WANT THIS JOB AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET THIS EX BOYFRIEND BLOCK YOUR CHANCES and then go in there and knock that interview out of the park. Interviewers want to see you looking great, happy, and no weepiness. They want to see a polished look (suit) finished looking hair, sparse makeup, and you want to be able to tell them your accomplishments at other places and what you can do for them.
Sweet, you need a job, so this ex can't be allowed to hold you down. Get in there and as my cat The Boss would say, she is strong, she is invincible, she is cat.
GO GET THAT JOB OR ANY OTHER JOB. You can do it. And no more lamenting some jerk that pretended to be a good guy. Many hugs.
He definitely isn't perfect, but our life really was great. I know it's hard to believe, but he is a great guy in almost every way. People in my life really liked him and saw how we were together. I've dated very distant, calloused, damaged men. He sincerely wasn't any of those... he's kind, outgoing, thoughtful, funny, etc. His mind got the best of him at times though and while he never blew up, it did affect us and wear us down... He struggled against it more than he even let on... Said he did try positive thinking, seeing how great I was and trying to put the past out of his head. I'm pissed he created this by a weird need to know what he's "up against", and then didn't have the tools to pick up the pieces. Believe me, I am totally on board with past relationships being in the past, and told him so when it came up. I refused to talk about it more times than I did open up, but I did fall in the trap of trying to reassure him once or twice, and I think that gave him enough images to set his mind rolling.
Anywho.... I am a never say die type person when I think I see a solution (counseling), and I wanted to just have an old fashioned relationship where we fixed what was broke and moved on. Plus, I am really having a hard time letting the aspect of being part of a family go. Sometimes I think I could walk away easier if it weren't for my love of the kids... those spontaneous moments of joy, humor and sweetness. I think THAT might have been my one and only.
I dig The Boss... Sounds like a cool cat.