I know, right? Leaving/divorce isn't an easy choice when you have been raised to "stand by your man" or if you believe marriage is sacred. At what point does it become a non-marriage, though? Is it no longer a marriage when there is a divorce. People have such different viewpoints. I married for life. I was convinced of it, raised to believe that. Now I stand on the other side of the fence. I don't feel married though legally I am (for a few months more only, thankfully). I tried. I tried very hard to make it work. Ideally, it should be a mutual break with an understanding that it isn't working for either partner. Actions speak louder than words. If you are being shut out, they don't want to deal with it by counseling or having sincere heart to heart chats, then it is over. Do you want to hang in there for security? Are you likely to get what you want by staying in the marriage? These are things to ask. It seems a cold world out here. Big hugs.

Having been raised very much in the Christian faith, I struggled for many years with this very question, and really had a hard time with making a decision as to whether I could justify leaving a marriage that was making both of us incredibly unhappy, angry people. It had got really bad.
HoweverI felt very strongly that I could not break the wedding vows we had made before God, and this tormented me for many, many months.

I was so conflicted as to what was the right thing to do. Whether to stay in a marriage that had slowly become a living hell at home,while putting on a brave, fake front in public, which was even starting to wear thin under the years of strain. Or to leave and break those marriage vows, and admit I had failed God.
Well I eventually sought the council of a wonderful bishop of our church, and he assured me that having tried to make the marriage work for 28 years, meant we had definitely given it our best shot, and that God would not expect us to continue to live under such unhappy conditions. He said he could not believe God would want us to be so miserable for the rest of our lives, and he felt God would rather we found happiness so we could continue to be happy and healthy people for our children.
With the reassurance from this conversation we finally decided to separate and to make plans to end our marriage. The joy, relief and abundant blessings we have both experienced in these past couple of months, I believe are a testament to it haviing been the right decision for us, but I obviously cannot say that this is the right decision for everyone else. Best of luck in finding what is the best thing for you to do.....it is not easy, I know.

I did not believe in divorce at all. My parents are still married and I really felt I could handle the "worse'. My ex left for OW and that made me stop not believing in divorce. I filed.

But I was unhappy for a number of years. Years I feel that I wasted. Was married 24 yrs and can say its been many years since it was a happy marriage. Should have done it sooner.

I guess, when one doesn't want to continue and doesn't want to work to keep both together, that is the worse... Because force ofr separating is more powerful and easy than keeping together.

My all the effort to keep us together didn't work but his mother's all the effort to keep us separate worked....

For me, aside from his affair which wasn't the reason for my divorce but it certainly didn't help us, it was realizing he wasn't working on the marriage. That he was perfectly fine, living separately, and visiting when it was "convenient for his work schedule." I thought, "Well, I won't have the marriage I wanted, and I don't want divorce...but I can't live like I'm divorced and be married." I needed closure; a definite path, one way or the other. I still think I could have maybe tried more, because I didn't want to give up, but you can't keep a marriage strong if both parties aren't trying.