It is called an emotional affair IF he has been sharing private information with her, going out to lunch, etc. If he apologized to you, offer forgiveness and LET IT GO (sorry about the capital letters, but I had to emphasize that part)....or it will literally tear you two apart.

But he admitted to "making out" with her and he was planning to see her again. I asked him to end it and he ignores me. I feel like he's chosen her over our children. I just don't know what to do.

Maybe try couples counseling? It is not fair for you to have your husband not emotionally there for you.

I''m in a similar situation though my husband insists there is no affair. Regardless there's no longer emotional attachment from him so the marriage is over. 10 years and 2 little kids. I am alone too.

If he is truly distraught over this, and shows that his world has collapsed, there is hope. If the marriage had no other probs like alcoholism, abuse, neglect of you, drugs, gambling etc etc, it is worth salvaging. If you both still feel love for each other, even if you are really mad, there is hope. Marriage isn't easy. And 20 yrs from now, you could still be married if you both work through this. I simply want to give you hope. There is always hope. Gather up all the positives you share w him and try to move forward. You can always give up , get a divorce..... that option will be there but if you end your marriage over this one incident, you might end up regretting it. You have time on your side. There is no hurry to decide this minute what to do. Hugs to you.... I was married almost 25 yrs. My ex is a functioning alcoholic w a wandering eye.....so there were issues from the start.....I hope everything works out for you

PS someone needs to tell this woman's husband what's been happening....

I instant messaged her husband on FB. No reply. They're probably separated too.

Contemplating separation from your spouse (who's you've bonded with and made a life with) is painful and I pray that God intervenes and builds back what's broken. As others have mentioned, if your husband is repentant (meaning he regrets what he's done and stops further engagement with the other person), you should do as suggested and both go to counseling (there are local churches, associations, or even online professional counseling services that can offers support), because alone it can be difficult to work through trust issues after such an event. However, if he's not willing to stop nor to go to counseling, I'd suggest you still go yourself (especially with someone who can offer you ways to think through your options and help you navigate according to your values). Even if separation or divorce become options, as someone who's been there, I'd recommend doing all you can to work through this and rebuild because as BellaRose mentioned, you could make it and years later be grateful for having done all you can to stay together.

This sounds similar to my situation except my husband was very deceptive and lied to me and his family. Then he slept with the other woman even after we said we'd work it out. I too don't want my marriage to end. So I offered him forgiveness and he told me on Friday he needed to be alone because he didn't feel he was worthy or deserved my forgiveness . This really broke me down and I thought Christmas was going to be horrible. But to my surprise it was actually pretty good. Please remember that you are not responsible for this mess. We are not the ones who should be embarrassed or ashamed.

I suggest you don't rush to make any decisions just yet. Breath and decide if you really want to save this relationship. If the answer is yes know it will not be easy and counseling is an absolute must. It takes a lot to rebuild trust and the first step begins with his willingness to fight for you and the marriage.

Yes - divorce is insanely painful. But a marriage where you are not actually partners must be worse.

If he is still not putting you first.... you serve love and respect and that does not mean a third person in the marriage. Either he respects you enough to put the marriage first or he doesn't. If the latter, respect yourself (and your children) enough to demand more.

Good luck!!

Yes - divorce is insanely painful. But a marriage where you are not actually partners must be worse.

If he is still not putting you first.... you serve love and respect and that does not mean a third person in the marriage. Either he respects you enough to put the marriage first or he doesn't. If the latter, respect yourself (and your children) enough to demand more.

Good luck!!

Yes - divorce is insanely painful. But a marriage where you are not actually partners must be worse.

If he is still not putting you first.... you serve love and respect and that does not mean a third person in the marriage. Either he respects you enough to put the marriage first or he doesn't. If the latter, respect yourself (and your children) enough to demand more.

Good luck!!

You do deserve respect. I am a believer in "for better or for worse". But both of the people in the marriage have to believe in that. You need to have a heart to heart with him. I am so tired of selfish adults sacrificing the happiness of their children for the sake of their own - and he needs to hear that. Pose the question - "Is your happiness more important than your children's?" If he answers yes, you need to let him go because he has shown he is a selfish, narcisitic person. If he answers no, then both of you need to commit to the hard work ahead of you to get back to a good place.

I completely agree. I don't think he's in a place where he can think rationally right now though. He's staying with his dad for the time being because he didn't think ahead enough to figure out how he could live separately from us financially. I've started individual counseling. He's supposed to start next week. He still wants the divorce so I'm trying not to talk to him other than about the kids. He still sees them every day for about an hour until I get home from work. We're in a holding pattern right now. Thank you all for the great advice!

Also, he has still been talking to "her" through this whole thing. I've asked him to stop and focus on the kids. He doesn't think it's affecting them. He's an idiot right now. I don't know if I can forgive him at this point. But we're stuck with credit card debt and a mortgage. I think he assumed I'd just refinance the house in my name. Not happening.

Unfortunately, when a selfish person puts his own needs in front of the well-being and happiness of his children, there is little anyone can do. You are right, he is an idiot, as are most people who have affairs. Your husband has an inner unhappiness that he has never resolved. And because his thought process is not rational, his actions will also be irrational. If he goes through with the divorce, know 100% that it his failure, not yours. The counseling will work only if he is honest with his therapist. I know this because my ex was never honest in his individual counseling. He knew if he had been, the therapist would have made him examine the root cause of his happiness, which would NOT have been the marriage.