Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Monday is my 13th wedding anniversary and the first one we won't celebrate together. We've been together for 19 years. He cheated a few years ago and we tried to make it work but my hurt and crying were too much for him to handle so he moved out. We haven't filed yet but he wants a divorce.
I went to a party tonight and fought back tears the entire night. I watched everyone with their spouses and missed mine so much. Of course it was a party full of strangers asking me if I was married and had kids which was like pouring salt in my wound.
He went to his friend's wedding today. This weekend 13 years ago we were getting married. I thought about that all night. Never in a billion years when I was saying "I do" did I think we'd end up like this. It breaks my heart and makes me sick. It was upsetting that he went without me just because we always went to weddings together. He probably dressed up and I love it when he dresses up. I love hugging him in his nice shirt and sexy flat front pants. He looked so good and I was so attracted to him when he dressed up.
I had a dream last night that he took a date to the wedding and it has haunted me all day. I can't stop thinking that it was probably true and that is killing me. When he was having an affair I had dreams about him cheating and he was so that's why I feel like I might be right about him taking a date. I can't handle the idea of him being with someone else. Even though he had an affair, thinking about someone else with him now out in public and at parties and events is tearing me apart. I can't handle it. Thinking about him doing the nice things he used to do for me for someone else is too much. It hurts!
He's not the amazing guy he once was and he's done some crappy things yet I cry night and day over him. There is this part of me that wants him to come back and tell me he loves me and make things right yet he's been such a jerk I don't think we'd be happy if he actually did because I'd hold on to the pain he's caused me and be miserable.
What do I do on our anniversary Monday? I'm going to be a wreck. I already am. Do I say anything to him? Do I post a passive aggressive quote on Facebook that I hope he sees (ha) or do I just curl up in the fetal position and cry under my desk at work all day? Ironically I've been an event coordinator for 10 years and recently switched jobs which means I no longer have to work the weekend of our anniversary. For the first time in 10 years we could have gone away to celebrate and now we're not together. It sucks!
I'm sorry this is long. I really need help. I tried a new counselor a few weeks ago and she was not a good fit and I need to get this out. Thank you for helping.
I went to a party tonight and fought back tears the entire night. I watched everyone with their spouses and missed mine so much. Of course it was a party full of strangers asking me if I was married and had kids which was like pouring salt in my wound.
He went to his friend's wedding today. This weekend 13 years ago we were getting married. I thought about that all night. Never in a billion years when I was saying "I do" did I think we'd end up like this. It breaks my heart and makes me sick. It was upsetting that he went without me just because we always went to weddings together. He probably dressed up and I love it when he dresses up. I love hugging him in his nice shirt and sexy flat front pants. He looked so good and I was so attracted to him when he dressed up.
I had a dream last night that he took a date to the wedding and it has haunted me all day. I can't stop thinking that it was probably true and that is killing me. When he was having an affair I had dreams about him cheating and he was so that's why I feel like I might be right about him taking a date. I can't handle the idea of him being with someone else. Even though he had an affair, thinking about someone else with him now out in public and at parties and events is tearing me apart. I can't handle it. Thinking about him doing the nice things he used to do for me for someone else is too much. It hurts!
He's not the amazing guy he once was and he's done some crappy things yet I cry night and day over him. There is this part of me that wants him to come back and tell me he loves me and make things right yet he's been such a jerk I don't think we'd be happy if he actually did because I'd hold on to the pain he's caused me and be miserable.
What do I do on our anniversary Monday? I'm going to be a wreck. I already am. Do I say anything to him? Do I post a passive aggressive quote on Facebook that I hope he sees (ha) or do I just curl up in the fetal position and cry under my desk at work all day? Ironically I've been an event coordinator for 10 years and recently switched jobs which means I no longer have to work the weekend of our anniversary. For the first time in 10 years we could have gone away to celebrate and now we're not together. It sucks!
I'm sorry this is long. I really need help. I tried a new counselor a few weeks ago and she was not a good fit and I need to get this out. Thank you for helping.
try to make plans, with friends or family, keep your mind busy doing things you enjoy..things you've been putting off.. or honestly, just curling up in the fetal position and crying helps too.. you need to process these feelings, and as horrible as that is.. I promise you its temporary.. get those feelings out so you can move forward with your life..
((hugs)) you are so not alone.. and I hope that gives you a little comfort.. try to live for your future and not your past.. dwelling on your past just brings more pain.. try to keep your mind focused on the here and now.. and know you have a happier future ahead, one revolving around YOUR choices, and YOUR decisions, no more compromising to make him happy, no more putting him first over your wants.. you have this gift of a fresh start.. its hard to see it that way now as this is all new.. but it is truly a gift.. one day at a time.. we're here if you need to vent
Do whatever brings you comfort - if that is making plans with family or a friend, do it. If that's too much for you and you want to stay home and grieve the loss, that's okay too. Do NOT put anything up on FaceBook, it will only cause you more pain in the end.
I was married for 12 years, then she left me for her OM, and now she's added another OM locally. I recently went through the firsts - Mother's day without her or my son, Father's day without our families being together for the traditional BBQ, and this week, her vacationing at our former timeshare in NH, with my son and maybe the OM. I'm doing much better about not obsessing over that - whether he is there with her and my son or not, but it isn't easy.
So, know that it is raw and the firsts will all hurt, but that better days are ahead. That sounds so cliche and doesn't help much in the moment when the pain is so overwhelming, but hold onto it as a bit of light that will be there at the end of this awful tunnel of hurt. It WILL get better.
Peace and hugs.
I wouldn't post anything on Facebook either, in fact, its probably best to avoid Facebook altogether for awhile. It only causes more sadness seeing all the fun everyone else is having. I hardly get on anymore and that way I'm not tempted to check out my ex's page or his kids pages.
And it's ok if you fall apart that day, if nothing else it's ok to call it an early day and just go to bed. Things usually are better in the morning and just remember it's just a day and it will come and go before you know it and you'll one day look back and see how far you've come.
Again, I'm sorry you're going through this, it's hard but you have friends here and we're all rooting you on! Be gentle with yourself and take care of you right now.
Let me tell you what I really went through.
First of all, I never healed. It is more like an open wound. As long as a band-aid is on it and I don't think about it, I'm fine. When I think about it or something reminds me of it, everything rushes back in.
Secondly, I am happy but I am not happy like I want to be. I am happy because I accepted my fate, not because I got what I wanted.
My cheating ex-wife will never leave my memory and I will just have to deal with it.
Go out with a girlfriend or two or twenty on your anniversary and live it up! Get dressed up and flirt your pants off and laugh and forget him for a while. That's my advice. xoxoxoxo
My husband couldn't handle my crying either, he made me feel like I was crazy after a while, which truly wasn't fair.
We deserve better girl. Trust me on that. Be strong, try to find that great girl, and know you will be OK!
You deserve better. You don't deserve this. that' what I tell myself everyday.
I too want to crawl under my desk everyday...... I'm crying at my cubical with co-workers around. It's horrible!
But it will get better. I have to believe that. I know that I will find happiness again. I'm 42, with 2 young children, and I know I deserve so much more.
Please know you are not alone. I reached out to this site a while ago, and it helps a lot.
We are all here for you! But know it definitely helps to cry it out.
Try another therapist, I did and found an incredible person. It helps.
xooxxoxo
I hope you get thru Monday ok.
Sending you good vibes.