Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The situation:
We both want to sell the house, but we would be just short ($10-15k) of breaking even if we sell it now. Our first mortage is about $1600/mo, and the second is about $400/mo. She can't refinance by herself because she's self employed and doesn't make enough. I grudgingly accept that I'll be on the mortgage forever and am willing to refinance together but I was just laid off and they won't accept unemployment as income. We could do the home loan modification program through the government but it would impact our credit.
However we work it out, she plans on selling the house when the market picks back up and it would actually be worth more than we owe, maybe 2 or 3 years.
My issue:
Regardless of refinancing or not, she wants me to take over the 2nd mortgage. She feels it's more than fair, sees it as marital debt. I have a problem paying any of the mortgage for a house I won't be living in. She only plans on refinancing the first mortgage to lower her payment, as it would be impossible to refinance both, or so she tells me. She claims I'm legally responsible for part of the mortgage. I think I'm only financially responsible, and I am like 49% ready to just allow it to go into foreclosure.
She's not asking for spousal support, but she will get about $650/mo in CS. I would fight spousal support tooth and nail anyway as she makes $60-70 an hour and is keeping the majority of the "stuff".
Advice? Suggestions?
Does it make any difference (legally or otherwise?) that she wanted this divorce but I didn't?
We're seeing a mediator next week, but we're not using individual lawyers...
We both want to sell the house, but we would be just short ($10-15k) of breaking even if we sell it now. Our first mortage is about $1600/mo, and the second is about $400/mo. She can't refinance by herself because she's self employed and doesn't make enough. I grudgingly accept that I'll be on the mortgage forever and am willing to refinance together but I was just laid off and they won't accept unemployment as income. We could do the home loan modification program through the government but it would impact our credit.
However we work it out, she plans on selling the house when the market picks back up and it would actually be worth more than we owe, maybe 2 or 3 years.
My issue:
Regardless of refinancing or not, she wants me to take over the 2nd mortgage. She feels it's more than fair, sees it as marital debt. I have a problem paying any of the mortgage for a house I won't be living in. She only plans on refinancing the first mortgage to lower her payment, as it would be impossible to refinance both, or so she tells me. She claims I'm legally responsible for part of the mortgage. I think I'm only financially responsible, and I am like 49% ready to just allow it to go into foreclosure.
She's not asking for spousal support, but she will get about $650/mo in CS. I would fight spousal support tooth and nail anyway as she makes $60-70 an hour and is keeping the majority of the "stuff".
Advice? Suggestions?
Does it make any difference (legally or otherwise?) that she wanted this divorce but I didn't?
We're seeing a mediator next week, but we're not using individual lawyers...
After the needs of the children are taken care of, the marriage is boiled down to a business arrangement that needs to be untangled. Nothing more.
Have you spoken with the bank on relief on the 2nd mortgage? They'd probably like to get something rather than nothing, if you threaten to walk. Words like "bankruptcy" and "foreclosure" don't seem to have the foreboding and sinister overtones that they did in previous generations. Now, those terms are almost considered valid financial strategies in certain situations.
Good luck. All I know is my stbx wants to stay. I'm not sure if she can afford on her own but who knows who cares all I care about is not getting screwed financially.
I think I'll offer to pay the 2nd mortgage for 2 years, no more. If we can refinance the 1st mortgage down to $1000/mo, that's about what I'll be paying for an apartment, so that'll be even. But between CS and the 2nd mortgage, I'll still be paying her another $1000 a month.
And she makes easily 3X as much as I do an hour, but decides to only work 15-20 hours a week. Just makes it seem all that much more unfair...
Anyway, I don't think what she is doing is fair unless you are splitting the profit on the house when you sell it. I assume you aren't selling anything from the second mortgage, so why do you get to throw money away while she gets to invest it? Makes no sense to me but I am tired.
Don't just agree to stuff b/c you want it over or b/c you feel bad for her or are trying to be nice. It is ok and possible to try to get what is right and fair. Good luck.
She doesn't work much because she home schools our son. I have no problem with mainstreaming him; it wasn't our plan but she's very stubborn. He would start 1st grade in the fall so I don't think it would be all that traumatizing to start now. It's somewhat of a valid reason, but it feels like she doesn't want to change any of her lifestyle at all, while my world is completely fuckered.
If she works more, her share of the CS does go up, but the overall amount goes up too, so it wouldn't make much difference to me.
What's her incentive to work more? You got me. She seems perfectly happy kicking me out and still taking my money, and then complaining I'm not doing it with a smile.
I honestly don't believe either of us are trying to or even desire to screw the other. I know I don't. We just want to protect our interests I guess. She's always sucked at compromise lol. Am I being too inflexible?