I basically sit alone and feel sad. I know that isn't a solution but like you I am at a loss as to what to do. I also simply don't feel up to anything, perhaps I am in a stage of isolation. The isolation isn't enjoyable but neither is trying to force myself to find something to do.

Find something you enjoy outside of your house. Join a gym, book club, dance club, hiking club -- anything to keep you from isolation. Distraction is perfect right now as you get through the most difficult time. I'm lucky to have a lot of friends that support me and my weekends are filled with them and my sweet doggy. If my friends aren't available then I make some kind of plan. Anything to not go crazy. Isolation is not good at this time. Be well.

Early on after my split I hit the gym for some cardio just to feel better but also learned to sit alone and needed some isolation to heal. Now 15 months later I don't really stress about getting out and doing stuff. It's an adjustment that feels strange for quite a while but it does go away eventually. Sorry for your pain.

Read, movies, fishing, gym, new hobbies...go to stores and walk around aimlessly. Haven't really come up with any set habits yet. Find myself debating on weekends what I should be doing. I volunteered at the Salvation Army last Christmas, that was some perspective for me. I'm getting comfortable with being on my own.

Thank you for all of the helpful advice. I know being alone with myself and going through all of these feelings is an important part of the process. Along with rediscovering myself. I've been reading and going for walks to get out of the house. Like you, dclaus, most of the time I just don't feel up to anything. But, then I find myself obsessively thinking about the STBX and OW, where they are, what they are doing, etc. and need to find things to do to distract myself from those thoughts.

Well, I have no idea of what's in your town but in my town I started researching Meet Ups. I found An Adventure Club where people just get together and go kayaking or bike riding or to the movies or out to eat or SOMETHING. Or other Meet Ups like a mom group. I joined one of those and have met tons of great people. They usually have MEets Ups in most towns and if they don't have one in your town, start one! Seriously just going out and doing stuff with other people, even bringing my kids is what is saving my sanity

I spent empty hours on my computer.

www.Meetup.com ....so many different groups that meet from wellness to singles groups to hobbies. Not meet-up as in a singles site. There were a bunch of really weird groups but I did find one that looked perfect. You might want to give it a try.

On Friday I went to a Women's Singles group through church. It is new and just starting but I am curious to see it grow. You might find activities at your local church?

If you have an HOA, they seem to have get togethers where you can make new friends.

It is hard to push yourself out the door, but it is needed. I have to say it felt strange showing up somewhere where I did not know anyone, but I am glad it happened.

I will start looking into meetup groups in my area, thank you ladies. I think going somewhere that I don't know anyone is going to be the hardest part. Especially if I'm the only one who doesn't know anyone, but I will give it a shot.

Usually the newspaper has lists of groups to join., volunteer groups, support groups, etc. Join a church, get a job for the purpose of meeting people and then talk to people at work. Volunteer in a school or go back to school and take a class yourself. Take a class and learn a hobby you always wanted to do. Hospital volunteer-they always need people to go around and visit patients.

I am fighting the loneliness right now, too. I have checked out the meetup groups in my area, but the activity seems to be low right now. I don't know if I would have the energy to pursue it anyway. So, I am trying to work on a knitting project every day. Trying to develop new habits. It's very hard, though. Is there something you enjoy doing that you could do a little of every day? Even if you don't feel like it.

I sit across the dinner table from the lady I love. I feel sad and alone too. We still occupy the same house, different rooms. I miss having her close. I tried my friends and felt awkward and embarrassed. I feel like a burden honestly. ,y family live in another country, 4,000 miles away. My sister and I chat through IM a couple of times a day.

Flyfree, when I first found out about the OW, I also became isolated. I quit my job, because I worked with her, thought that she was a work friend, lmbo, ... I just could not get out of bed. Talk about blindsided, to find out that they were speaking behind my back for years. I just went with the self pity. It was what I needed to try & wrap my head around what was been said. Not by him, as he doesn't even know her, except as my work mate. Lol. Anyways, life goes on. I have a close large family & know spend my time helping them. My mom is elderly, I babysit my sisters child, I clean my brothers house, etc. Not for $, but for sanity and to feel good about myself. More happiness in giving than receiving. I have no $ so that is how I can give back. As your family is far away there are always elderly that need help. Grocery shopping, errands, cleaning, or just companionship. If you would rather help with children, that would work also. It helps take your minds thoughts off of the ex & the OW. Today there are many people in need of help other than $, go with the age of your choice. You can also find comfort here, as you are definitely not alone. I feel your pain, better days ahead. Every storm does (eventually) run out of rain. (GA) Big Hug!!! TCB

Sneaking behind my back, ... I wish that it was only speaking. Lol. You have to love word correct.

Thank you, so much, for all of your ideas and inspiration. It helps to know that I'm not alone in the world of heartache and betrayal.

I have been back in school (nursing) since February. With everything going on I had to retake a class, so I enrolled for the summer session. It helps to have somewhere to be and something to do. I have a heavy homework load and studying, so that helps too. It's just the down time. I'm so used to having him here to talk to, share meals and daily stories with...

I would never take him back and I feel like a lot of the love and intimacy I felt with him was fake. It's sad to feel such loss over something I'm not sure I ever had.

Hi flyfree,

I am in a very similar position as you. Also looking to try to get myself doing more things, getting out more, trying to meet people more - but struggling with motivation. I guess everything takes time - not just getting past the pain but also rebuilding our lives.

This also resonated with me:
"I would never take him back and I feel like a lot of the love and intimacy I felt with him was fake. It's sad to feel such loss over something I'm not sure I ever had."

I wonder also about my stbx-wife. How genuine was our love? Was she only half-onboard all the way from the start? It's probably impossible to say for sure. Maybe realizing that it may not have been as "good" as we thought will help us move on - and help us find something better next time.

I think your summer class is a great idea. Best wishes to you.