I am a hospice aide. I deal with this one all the time. Yes, how do you be you, after you have been an us for so long. When my mother died, one of the hardest parts of my grieving was realizing, that in her passing, a part of me had passed as well. It was hard to get my bearings after my mother had died, I never realized that I was so attached to her. Now I think of it as a right of passage. They go first so that we know we can make it on our own, and although the loss is hard, the knowledge that we go on with out them is empowering. Perhaps it is with this, that you will find, that you could have loved so deeply, but were able to go on. It may invite you to love even more deeply the next time.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( I cannot imagine a worse pain that to lose a parent. I am not a religious person but I do believe in that saying that mother is god in the eyes of their child.

I do hope that is the case whipple. And not that I become cold and unable to show unconditional love again

So did you decide to not talk to him then? How are you doing?

Hurt brings up a good point. It is interesting that you noticed a change in your art. I did not realize how small I had to live to keep the peace around my STBX until some friends have said how much happier I seem lately. I feel better now that I am not always walking on eggshells. It is fun getting re-acquainted with me! I think I forgot that I am actually a nice guy - if I may say so myself!

I have not replied no. I put what I felt in a note and put it far away from my email drafts.
I have been trying so hard and these little mistakes and emails on his part set me back. I won't be his friend. I won't be like his last ex being all chummy afterwards, watching as he finds someone else and then listen when he decides he doesn't want her anymore.

I truly felt unconditional love for him. I wouldn't have changed him for the world regardless of his issues. (he was always para about being short, balding and being a glasses wearing game geek) but I loved him more than anything.
I was chatting to a friend last night and he called him a twat and described what he had done as like -
winning the lottery then saying nah. I'd rather give up the big boobed curvy girlfriend that loves me, loves my friends and family, does so much and gives up so much for me, actually makes me take time out for myself and pushes me to do what I love whilst wanting nothing more than a kiss and cuddle. -

That made me laugh. I think I over analyse too much and now I know he will be back in the country next month. I know he won't come to where I am studying. But every now and then I have wondered if he was having an oh no I fucked up moment and if he would ever actually try fighting for something like I did. But I have not replied, I have just been doing my uni work. Trying to push it to the back of my mind

I'm glad you are finding you again. I wish I knew how to tell you how to not have those ideas in the back of your mind, I don't know how either.But I have learned that loving someone, and ridding the crazy roller coaster ride they take you on are not the same thing. I love my fella. I am glad to be off the ride. Life is more peaceful. Who knows what tomorrow will bring while you are just being you.

I considered, possibly feared, I wasn't capable of loving someone new.

I have been divorced for 4 years, and just recently began a relationship with a man, unlike any other I have had before. I can see myself with him, and hope that we continue to continue.

People do change from break ups...you're more aware, you know that people can promise the moon and stars and not deliver...you grow, you grow up...you mature...it's all part of the process.

You will only become bitter if you allow yourself to.

Here's hoping guys. I did notice I have most definitely not been a person I recognise. Oh I am always friendly and polite and I'll help anyone out. But the happy spark I had before is dim. I'm trying to figure out where my art is meant to be (although it has helped me get some of my feelings about this out)

Someone pulled out an old picture and when I said haha me with blonde hair, she said yeah AND happy!!
......That was odd.

So today I had an assessment counselling session. The woman I spoke to was nice and understanding. It is a help on the way to figuring out who I am and that I need to find ways to make myself happy. That no matter how good I was to him, he has big issues and because of this and not keeping his promise to let me help him, he has thrown it away and can't be helped without asking for it.
It will take a long time. I'm still stressed, but knowing I need to get myself back helps.