No one knows what the future holds for us, but I can tell you that after my divorce I had never been so happy to be away from my Ex-wife. I lived in fear constantly and was always walking on eggshells. I can breath and live my life now! You take tiem for yourself. There will be some adjustment in the beginning, but it dose get better and when your ready you can look for that true love you always wanted in life.

Best of luck !

Just like lostsoul said, it may feel that way now, but it won't always.

It's probably too soon to say this, but I hope you will copy it and put it away for future reference.

We cannot find or obtain happiness from another person. That has to come from within.

A very wise therapist once told me that in order for us to have a happy healthy relationship with another person, we must first have that happy healthy relationship with ourselves.

When you are ready, there are lots of things to do alone and lots of healthy ways to meet people.

I was married almost 4 decades and being 'alone' wasn't how I pictured myself at this age. It turns out that I am so much happier. I can breathe and am finding myself for the first time ever. I live in peace. I no longer walk on eggshells. I have a whole new different better life that I never would have had if I hadn't left.

It's hard at first. It takes time to acclimate and to grieve. I went to a therapist and did some intense inner work. Best decision I ever made.

I will leave you with something another wise therapist told me:

What we focus on expands. So, if you focus on/decide that you will never be happy, you won't be.

So focus on the positives in your life. Start a daily gratitude list. It might seem hard, but to start, find at least 3 things you are grateful for. They don't have to be big. It can be a sunny day, a pretty flower, food on the table, your pet, friends, anything positive.

Anthony DeMello, in his book, The Way to Love, says that the reason we are unhappy is because we are focusing on the things we don't have, rather than what we do have.

It takes practice, but it is well worth it because one day you will wake up and find yourself smiling. :-)

~healing hugs~

Thanks a lot, guys. You are one thing I am grateful for :)

i had some rough breakup before i met my husband 9 years ago, i learned that no matter how much it hurts and feels like things won't get better they do and you can find love again........exactly why i don't want to settle for my current situation

Wow, first time here. I have the same dilemma going on in my head - when I file for divorce that I will have freedom but may also be lonely - but I am lonely now and with that person so what have I got to lose? IT will get better I promise! My marriage was good and we were happy when we first got married but things were SO different. I ended up pregnant as we were planning our wedding after being together for 3 yrs. I swore at that time I would not raise another child as a divorced single parent, but I now think it was easier (with my oldest) as a single parent because I was free from loneliness and was too busy to be lonely. I have been through the walking on eggshells period, worrying about my spouse if I leave, what people will think, what my daughter (my youngest) will think, etc.. There are many things that brought me to this place I am now, mostly his loss of self-respect, Rx drugs and alcohol addiction. I turned a blind eye keeping my own promise in my head (not being a single parent again). I turned a blind eye to a lot of things. My daughter is now 17 and is very busy planning her future as I am mine. He is depressed but will not do anything about it because he is afraid he will lose his CPL. My spouse is not in my future plans as I have grown very lonely by the addictions, mental abuse (and mental abuse to our daughter), among other things that have happened. I suspected cheating years ago but not now as he cannot perform in that department because of his health (which he does nothing about). He sees me changing as I progress and is desperate to now be an active part of this "marriage" but it's too late and all he is is talk, no action. I am done. I would already be gone but I am finishing school full time. Yes I am being selfish about that. He is not paying for my school, I have had to take loans. It is very Very hard to be here and watch as his health deteriorates over the last 10 years. I have talked til I am blue in the face about the sex, drugs, etc. We have not had sex in a couple years. He knows the end is coming but acts like he don't see it. He knows I am not happy but will not ask because he knows the answer. We hardly speak. We are roommates. We sleep in separate rooms which all started as he became very much overweight and loud sleeper with apnea which he will not get treated (from the weight,) depressed and drinking while denying everything. I am not perfect and have gained a few pounds as most married people do but I try to keep it in check as best I can under the circumstance and having to sit and study heavily. I am scared that he is going to have a stroke or die before I can get out. My self esteem is small some days but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once my mind is made up it's made up. I'm done. Recently he seems to have woken up just a bit as far as seeing I am done with Us. He says I am distant - Ya think? Lol. His drinking has slowed down and he tries to make nice. Too late. He feels he has done nothing to help me/us get to this point. He is unaware, as in I have not told him my plans, but deep down he knows it's done. He has not supported me through school though I have carried him past and present when he works overtime and when he worked out of state. I will end here as I feel I am rambling now. Yes, you may be lonely but it won't last. Love Yourself! be proud of you and love you.

measstudent, I could have written exactly the same thing you did, with a few minor changes. Wish you all the best and thanks for sharing your story. I am sure there is tons of light for us at the end of the tunnel.

I could have written the exact same words. I feel your pain. I hope today and everyday after this one you some some small joy to allow you to heal.

Dear Avefenix, well you will feel happiness again one day when you've been through the process of the Dark Night of the Soul. You may or may not choose to read about it in a book by St. John of the Cross. It is deep stuff, but you are going through deep stuff. Consider this quote. I have found wisdom and solace in it: "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken or betrayed, or left or hurt, let yourself sit by an apple tree, and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you've tasted as many as you could."
And, I believe, that "God/Source leads into the dark night those whom He desires to purify from all imperfections so that He may bring them further onward." It will take time. Look to others who have been through this for lots of support and in the loneliness of it too, as yes, there will be that. Put some things on your calendar to look forward to--something new that feeds the soul. I'm sorry you have to go through this but most of us do once or even a few times in life. You will learn from it. God bless you and love you. Trust that "if it is not okay, it is not the end." (by Anonymous..) Hugs.

I feel the same.

Writer101,
Wow, that is one beautiful paragraph. Thank you for taking the time to share with me. I have been detached from my spiritual part but I realized I can't do this alone, without some help from above. I think He is speaking to me through you.
I have talked to many people who have been in this place before, they all agree that, although hard, there is always light at the end and things will be better. I hope I will learn from this experience and will be able to give my kids the mother they deserve.